What is it about this show? Does it seem to anyone else that it messes with us, or am I just an unusually delicate person? Because that last second of Always Accountable … not cool, TWD. Not cool at all.
And what’s odd is that for a while, I did get to thinking, Hey … this is an okay episode. We’re back in the groove, out in the woods with sweaty Daryl! We’re knifing zombies in the head! These are the end times we know and love, am I right?
Sort of. What on Earth is a diabetic doing in the end times? How do you store insulin over months, years even, and find new supplies when your stock runs out? What about syringes and disposal? And what is a diabetic’s sister doing running around in a lacy camisole? Lacy camisoles are not easy-care! They offer very little support over time (although I guess can understand the need for lighter clothing in summer)! And who, by the way, has been providing our diabetic friend with that careful pixie cut?!
[I’m sorry. We’ve just been stuck here in the end times for six seasons now. A blogger gets distracted, starts looking around. Asking questions.]
Anyway, back to Daryl. He gets separated from Sasha and Abraham, and then kidnapped by the aforementioned pixie diabetic and her unhappy pals. He gets taken on a little walk through the scorched woods. This trio, two women and one very hostile man, simply strikes me as having had a very difficult time in Alexandria, until their former captors roll up in a truck … and these guys are not Alexandrians at all. These captor guys (far as we can see, they are all guys) are like extremely violent accountants. They will kill you if you are late on a payment. Even once!
But Daryl is like this angel of forgiveness, you see? He stealthily hands his former lead kidnapper a gun, creates a diversion with a walker, and one of the Death Accountants gets bit. His boss cuts his assistant’s arm off, right there in the scorched forest, and both Death Accountants forget all about their former prey.
Walk it off! – Boss Death Accountant
No matter how fabulous that title might look on a business card, kids, there are things about being an Assistant Death Accountant that are just no fun at all!
Meanwhile, Sasha and Abraham have taken cover in what appears to be an army recruitment office of some kind. Sasha naps while Abraham pokes around, stocks up on some military gear, smokes some cigars, and finally gets up the nerve to hit on Sasha.
I believe I’d like to get to know you a whole lot better. – Abraham
This line does not go over at all the way I expected. First of all, Sasha does not mention Rosita even once. (Why, Sasha?) Second, Sasha does not respond in the manner I would have, by saying something like ”You’ve got some nerve,” or “My friend the How About No Bear would like a word.” Instead, she gives him the Lady Eye and tells him to ‘take care of his business,’ which leaves the man with the ridiculous idea that he has a shot.
I mean … I AM JUST. …. Listen, when this young lady gets back to Alexandria, I am going to have a LONG talk with her about riding around in cars with boys.
It’s at this point that Daryl, having somehow found an abandoned truck full of fuel, roars up to the army recruitment office to squire the mismatched would-be lovers home. Have I mentioned that right now Abraham is wearing a Confederate Army uniform? While hitting on Sasha? Well, he is!
And have I mentioned that the diabetic died a while back, and that Daryl has helped her male and female companions bury her in the scorched forest, in the act of which they immediately rob him blind? That happens too. And I should add that when I say “rob him blind,” I mean those freaking hayseeds take everything, including his crossbow.
Yes. Daryl’s crossbow, beloved cast member since season one, is in the wind now. We have no idea where it is.
Daryl seems calm in its absence, though. He drives homeward, trying to contact Rick on the shortwave once more. “Rick? Anyone?” Static. And that’s when we hear it: a male voice, young, clear, through the static.
Help. – May Or May Not Be Glenn
GOD DAMN IT.
Final Episode Thoughts:
- Historically, I am not a drink thrower. But right now, I wish this show were a person, so I could invite it to a nice lunch and we could air-kiss and compliment each other’s outfits (is that new? Oooh! Silk? Really! I’ve heard you can’t wash that!) and order drinks and I could THROW MINE IN ITS FACE.
- Apropos of nothing, Norman Reedus told Entertainment Tonight or some other Very Important Entertainment News Organization that the voice on the shortwave radio totally wasn’t Glenn, but these people have been lying to us for weeks, so take that for whatever you think it’s worth.
- A Confederate Army uniform? REALLY?
- On the plus side, Abraham now has rockets. Rockets are good things, I suppose. Endless war, right? Always gotta have that endless war.
- I understand that the Death Accountants are a group calling themselves the Saviors, present in the comics and hinted at in the show since season 4. I can’t tell you how little I care about this at the moment.
- I think I now hate this show more than I hate Jessie and Rick. I didn’t think I could hate ANYTHING more than I hate Jessie and Rick.
- I might actually be angrier if the voice saying “Help!” is someone other than Glenn. But here’s the thing: at this point, I know that the show is just toying with me. It wants to make me show up for one more episode, just to prove that it can. It’s like scientifically interested in whether I think that it thinks we have a relationship. It’s pretty much stalking me on Facebook.
- Listen … It’s complicated.