It’s another sunny day in Fitzmerica: Land of coffee by day and wine by night, where even the fake boyfriends are hot! Where a Republican President actually pushes for gun-control legislation, if only because he misses his girlfriend!
In other breaking news: A newlywed is apparently in trouble for pushing her groom off a cliff; Daddy Pope has told Olivia to bring her fake boyfriend to dinner; the daughter of one of Olvia’s friends is missing; and David Rosen is the President’s fave of the week, as he prepares to take the fight for gun control to the highest court in the land. But that’s not all!
Michael, the would-be Delilah to Cyrus’s Samson, is refusing to give up his Portia de Bossy-sponsored pursuit of the big guy. He’s pretty much stalking Cyrus now — which I guess is okay, because he looks good in a suit?
All of these things are just smoke and mirrors, though. The storm clouds of Real Trouble are gathering — around Sugar Trousers.
With my father?
No. … Call me later if you want me to do that thing to you. – Olivia and Jake
That’s Jake’s life in a nutshell. Back in Fitz’s Washington but no longer Command, Jake is moonlighting in torture again (this week’s victim: Charlie!), to pass the time until Olivia summons him for a booty call. And fending off dinner invitations from the man who threw him in The Hole.
He seems a bit depressed: when Charlie subverts his own torture session by mentioning “the one thing” he wants, Jake looks relieved. Then he provides it: dragging Quinn down to the torture chamber and throwing her in with skeevy Charlie. For the night. Ew.
It’s hard to watch this episode after that, to be honest. Quinn may be The Worst — but she is human, not bait. Also, this is not the only (or the worst!) contrived storyline in the hour.
Olivia’s friend Catherine? Not a great mother! We lean hard into the bad-mother trope here, complete with screencaps of a sex tape between Catherine and her daughter’s teenage boyfriend. When the teen daughter ends up dead, Olivia totally knows who did it: her sex-crime-committing, murdering girlfriend!
Meanwhile, David’s fight for gun control isn’t going so well. (I could have told him: even the highest court in the land is beholden to the NRA.) As David searches for a Plan B, Fitz takes the probable failure hard. He’s drinking again: 76-year-old Scotch. And asking “Gabby,” Scotch expert and resentful Olivia substitute, to join him. It doesn’t go well.
So. You’ve spoken to Olivia? – Fitz
As Fitz has already confided, his signture gun-control legislation is merely a consolation prize for not being Olivia’s lover anymore. (“If I don’t get to be a soccer dad in Vermont, I need some jerk not to be able to buy an AK-47.” Yes. Really.) Which places Abby in an uncomfortable spot: aware that her boss does not care much for the case her boyfriend is risking his career to win. On the upside, she is finally able to correct her boss’s pronunciation of her name.
Still, none of this is The Story, so it all gets dispatched soon enough. David finds some dirt on NRA-member Judge Sparks, threatens him with it, and gun control legislation passes. Catherine, the child-killing sex offender, gets sent up the river. Cyrus finally sleeps with Michael, allowing Portia de Bossy to cross that item off her to-do list. And Jake finally accepts Daddy Pope’s dinner invitation — but then ruins it by being rude at the table.
Shut up. Just shut up your damn old man mouth. – Sugar Trousers
I think that’s when I realized that Jake is going to die. All the evidence points in this direction, Scandal Nation:
- Exhibit A: Olivia rolling her eyes at the mention of her boyfriend. (“Yeah. I have Jake.”)
- Exhibit B: Olivia denying her relationship. (Catherine: “Are you dating anyone?” Olivia: “No. No, I’m not.”)
- Exhibit C: Jake running his mouth to his former boss/torturer/would-be father-in-law.
- Exhibit D: The knife that Daddy Pope brings down, right between Jake’s finders, there at the table.
I will be the one standing over you. When. You. DIE. – Daddy Pope
Seems Daddy’s got his own to-do list: and as we know, Daddy Pope gets what he wants.
- The final plot twist — after the decision, Judge Sparks kills himself — feels tactically cruel. This is the kind of detail that feels off: a plot thread that might be important, but serves primarily to hurt one of the characters.
- Mellie’s not rending her garments anymore. The backstory for this (she gets obsessed with Bridey Cliff McPusherson), again, feels off.
- Olivia’s back in the nice clothes, though. The white coat she wears to slam her college girlfriend against the wall? Gorgeous!
I don’t know about continuing with these recaps, Scandal Nation. I will probably keep watching, but the work of making something to read from so little substance feels increasingly silly. Do you agree to drop it for now — maybe to a Seasoncap?
Weigh in below. And yes: Silence is the loudest answer of all.