The adorably named Broken Hearts episode of Homeland made me so happy that for once, I didn’t mind its numerous improbabilities. Like this one: reanimating the corpse of Danny Galvez and sticking him back in CIA headquarters, on full zombie duty (“I wanna help … eat your braaaaiins”). I am telling you, Basketcases: I watched that happen and I was fine with it.
The hour starts with Saul, paying Dar Adal Of The Black Ops a visit. The most shadowy figure in U.S. intelligence never stays in one place for long, but he evidently eats breakfast at the same diner every morning. That’s helpful!
Saul, who may be as obsessed with Quinn as Carrie ever was with Brody, asks his creepy old pal about him. But Dar Adal gives as good as he gets: “Maybe Estes put Quinn in there because he doesn’t trust you,” he says. “I’m amazed you’ve lasted this long.” On this, Saul agrees.
Cut to Jess and Mike. I must have nodded off here: the last thing I remember is Jess saying to Mike, “Last night … it was fun.” Next thing I know, Brody’s there with them. “Nice place! Thanks for your help, Mike!”
It sucks to be Mike.
Brody’s barely had time to greet his kids when Carrie calls to check in. They exchange quiet how-are-you-I’m-fines, yes-I’m-good-with-resigning-from-Congress pleasantries, and then hang up. Seconds later Carrie’s car gets t-boned by a van. I hope you’re down with this sudden shift from Neutral to Overdrive: we’ll be here for a while.
Meanwhile! A proud Estes is addressing a chipper group of CIA spies. They’re all very pleased with themselves for taking down Terrorist Roya and her Team of Death, but Estes warns them that Nazir is still at large. He’s not all business, though: Estes promises the team he’s gonna get drunk. I guess that’s just what The Mole does when The Mole bowls a strike.
Saul is a bit off his game this week: he harshes the afterglow of that pep talk by confronting Estes about Quinn. Saul’s figured out that Quinn is the designated keeper of Walden’s secret; he wants to know how far Estes is willing to go to manage it. As if by magic, Quinn himself appears, to inform the two of them that Carrie’s car is wrecked and she’s missing. As Saul takes off after his
daughter protegee, Estes intones to Quinn, “He knows.”
Over in Lackluster Heights, Dana is just getting word that Finn wants to see her when Brody also gets a call. It’s Nazir. Nazir has Carrie. (Wait, why would Nazir have Carrie?) A suddenly illogical Brody completely freaks out.
Of course Nazir needs Brody to do something complicated. His plan is bonkers, but so pure in its intentions I can’t find it in my heart to hate the guy. Does it matter that he wouldn’t know Carrie Mathison if she walked up to him and started yelling about green pens? Who cares that he’s got Carrie, who means nothing to him, tied to a piece of rebar in a factory that made metal skates in the 1950’s? Dude’s got a genius plan!
In Walden’s office, Nazir tells Brody, there is a box. In that box there is a code. That code will stop the pacemaker inside the chest of Vice President Walden. Nazir simply needs his right-hand man to retrieve that code and send it along, and I have absolutely no problem with any of this. We should have done it months ago. Years ago! Anytime between 2001 and 2008 would have worked for me.
Saul, at the scene of Carrie’s accident, finds her phone on the floor of the car and dials the last number: it’s Brody, of course. Brody recounts his discussion with Carrie word for word (yes, I’ll surrender the VP spot; yup, quitting Congress), then he and his CIA guard continue to Walden’s place. I think this is the point where I went and opened that champagne I’ve had chilling since 2005, you guys.
How’s our other crime-scene couple doing? Dana’s giving Finn a rundown of recent events: “My dad’s like a superspy? Terrorists wanna kill him, and shit?” Dana is so mad, she could seriously just sit there and look at her shoes for a very long time.
Finn’s life is falling apart and he’s torn up inside, all of which he calmly explains to Dana in the measured tones of a guy who’s been rehearsing it for weeks. He wants to start over, but Dana shuts that down. “We killed it,” she says.
Speaking of killing it! Danny Galvez, you sneaky undead bastard! Quinn reacts to the reappearance of his old pal with predictable shock, but the guy’s still on the team. I guess when a zombie wants to help you track down the world’s number-one terrorist, and/or find your missing colleague who is also the terrorist’s hostage, you let the zombie help?
About time someone got moving on the Nazir-Mathison thing. Those two are throwing down: “You pervert the teachings of the prophet and call it a cause.” “You bomb us, starve us, occupy our holy places, and your cars are built with entirely too many cupholders.” “Who’s a terrorist? You’re a terrorist.” (This goes on for a while.)
On the upside, Brody’s arrived at Walden’s huge house and slipped into the office. He looks around, locates a box that looks something like the one on the right here, but he can’t read the number inside. Then he remembers he’s a Marine, gets the number and calls Nazir.
Yes. That is what he does. Right in the office of the Vice President, a United States Congressman working with the CIA just whips out his untracked cell phone and dials up the most wanted man on Earth. If I weren’t so into this scene I’d throw the remote at the TV, but then what would I do with all this champagne?
Nazir and Brody argue for a while over the number and the girl (“If you kill her, you will never get this number!” “I will kill her in five seconds!!”), but finally Nazir lets Carrie go and Brody gives it up. Seconds after he’s stowed the pacemaker box, Walden pops in.
“Another week or so, we’ll be ready to deliver the bunker-buster,” brags the VP. Still on track to destroy all life south of the Caspian Sea, huh? Think you can get it done in the next five minutes?
Brody watches it happen. Moves in close. “I want to feel clean again,” he tells his pretend best friend. “I pretty much disagree with everything you say and do.” Walden’s reeling around the office now. It’s working, you guys! It’s working!
“Don’t you get it? I’m killing you,” Brody hisses. As he watches Walden die on the carpet, your West Coast recapper scribbles “UNDISCLOSED LOCATION: HELL” in her notebook, and drains her glass.
A few other things happen (“The Vice President’s having a heart attack!” Nick Brody’s right there for you, Dead VP Walden!), but I have a hard time caring about any of them. Maybe because I’m drunk?
Of course those things matter. It certainly matters that Carrie, captured by Abu Nazir, terrorized and threatened with death, would react to her sudden freedom by running out to the road and yelling at motorists. “Asshole!” she screams, drawing in deep breaths of the sweet night air. I am sure she is thanking the gods for her life as she accosts a trucker: “Give me your FUCKING cellphone!”
After she’s delivered her coordinates to Saul and thrown the Fucking Cellphone in the road, Carrie runs right back into the former headquarters of Speed King Metal Skates and Lawn Darts, Inc., in search of Nazir. She does this because she is a spy before all else, and because she is nuts.
Finally, this also matters: Saul can’t join Deputy Mole Quinn, Assistant Deputy Mole Zombie Galvez, and the rest of the team on the Carrie rescue run. He is detained by a couple of thug types who want to take him upstairs, or maybe downstairs, for a little chat. You guys, this could be bad! I don’t know what they’ve got on Saul, but there is an excellent chance he’ll sing like a canary. As only he can.
This week … what am I not wondering?
- What are those thugs gonna do to my Saul? I don’t want to have to kick some thug ass.
- Galvez is the mole again, right?
- Zombie mole or live mole: which do you think is worse?
- What’s it gonna take to get me into this show again? I’m out of good champagne.
- Anyone else kind of looking forward to seeing Roya again?
- Just spitballing here. Purely rhetorical question. Do you think former real-life vice presidents also keep the quit codes to their pacemakers in boxes inside their unguarded offices?
I have got to find me a Marine.