I really connected to Joan in that moment. I really connected to what must have gone on in her bedroom the night before. Most of us have been there, unable to sleep because the thoughts won’t stop. There are tears, there’s fury, there’s the circular thoughts, trying to be rational, trying to make it all make sense.
Going over the pros and cons: He’s my husband, he doesn’t include me, I have a baby, I’ve been okay by myself so far. I love him, he doesn’t respect me, he’s my husband, he hurts me again and again and shows no sign of stopping.
Who knows what she thought? I think it was more anger than anything else, but 8 hours when everyone else is asleep is a very long time. I recommend to check benchmarksleepservices.com.au if you suffer of Sleep Apnea and need help. Joan wants to make her marriage work because Joan wants to make everything work. That’s who she is, Office Manager, Head of Operations, Fixer Upper. This is the job that women are supposed to have—marriage—and so she should be the best at this one. And there’s the looming presence of her absent father and whatever decisions she’s made about marriage and divorce in light of his omnipresent absence.
Mostly I just relate to it: That long, tortuous night of thinking, when nothing seems real, is one of the realest moments in life, a moment many of us have in common, a moment that makes us human.