In The Arrangements, Gene does a couple of things that make people go AAGH! BAD PARENT! He lets Bobby use a big knife to open a box, and most alarmingly, he lets Sally drive a car. A lot of us speculated about the state of his mental faculties as evidenced by this kind of wrecklessness.
But was it really wreckless? Certain parents choose consciously to throw kids into the deep end of the pool. They are okay with burned fingers if kids learn for themselves that stoves are hot, and figure out safety from that experience.
I’m not particularly that kind of parent, but I don’t think Gene’s behavior was a sign of mental decline. I think Gene was the kind of dad who handed you a knife and let you figure out for yourself that it was sharp.
17 Responses to “A different kind of parenting”
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did he raise betty in the same way he treated his grandkids?
Betty was not raised that way. Gene mentioned at least a time or two that Betty was coddled and protected by her mother, and it made her less self-reliant, to his regret.
I thought Sally driving the car was a serious indication that Grandpa Gene was a little stroked out. I could see if the kid was 15 or 16 and you took her out to the parking lot at the swim club, or even if she was 11 or 12 and she drove around Uncle Buck's dairy pasture. But Sally was 9 years old, and it's not like Gene could easily hit the brakes if Sally panicked on the suburban streets of Ossining.
But I'm all for giving kids hammers (especially if "the little lesbian" shows a propensity for tools) and knives, and letting them figure it out for themselves. There's nothing that drives me crazier than smothering parents. Just make the risk level age-appropriate. I wouldn't give them power tools until they at least hit adolescence.
It's funny, we just watched this episode again! I think the driving was a step over the line, quite possibly an indication of Gene's damaged judgment. But he definitely seems to want to give the kids a little more real-world experience, and to encourage Sally, which was heart-warming. Realistic, too — I remember my grandfather being alternately supportive and cranky as hell, much like Gene.
(BTW, the word in question should be spelled "reckless.")
I like the salt on the ice cream scene. Very tender.
Kids today are so sheltered and coddled…they need to wear a helmet just to take a bath. it's no surprise we have a generation of whiny, spoiled brats who think the world revolves around them. In an earlier time, kids quickly learned that it was all about adults. As a kid, you kept quiet and stayed out of the way. And you were actually allowed to experience life's ups, and yes, downs. What a concept.
It's been awhile since I saw the episode, and I don't have access to it where I am, but if I remember correctly, Gene shows Bobby how to use the knife, so that he won't hurt himself.
I'm more comfortable with the knife scene than the car scene. Gene was right there, as was Don, so if something went wrong they could wrap up whatever he cut and get him to a hospital. As was pointed out above, the car was far more risky. The car scene would not have been as dangerous if it was an empty parking, instead of a busy suburban street.
Betty was not raised that way. Gene mentioned at least a time or two that Betty was coddled and protected by her mother, and it made her less self-reliant, to his regret.
I don't recall Gene mentioning that his wife had coddled Betty. Any woman who calls her daughter a "whore" for becoming a model, doesn't strike me as a coddler. In fact, I got the impression that she was distant toward Betty and raised the latter to be a "house cat" or the perfect mother/hostess. Rather odd for a woman who was a professional.
I don’t recall Gene mentioning that his wife had coddled Betty.
I agree. As I recall, Betty's mother made her walk home from the store (?) because she was "stout." Not much coddling going on there. What I thought Gene regretted was raising Betty to have such a limited outlook on what her options were in life. That's different than being coddled.
Sally driving the car (especially with Bobby in the back) was over the line – driving a car is dangerous business for a 9 year old, especially on a public street. Could she even reach the pedals? I could see doing that around an empty parking lot. Plenty of country kids learn to drive machinery and vehicles when they're quite young. But not in traffic!
The knife episode with Bobby was perfectly appropriate, I thought. He was being supervised and directed on how to use it. I imagine it didn't faze Don too much either, given his upbringing.
Yes. Betty wasn't coddled–but her mother didn't bring her up to be anything but a beautiful wife & a mother. Perhaps "sheltered" is a better word. It seemed that Betty never even knew her mother had worked & she never considered that she might need to hold a job. Except for modeling–which her mother didn't like. Perhaps because Betty's beauty was her means to catch a husband, not something to flaunt.
Betty's shrink caught on that she was angry at her mother–causing a serious mental conflict because she was also mourning her. Then Betty found out he was reporting to Don & used the therapy to send him a message. Rather than send him a message by talking to him & continuing to discuss painful & difficult matters with the not-very-good shrink. (And we learned later in the series just how some MD's decided to enter Psychiatry.)
Gene had played his part in the family, as it was defined back in the day. He earned the money & disciplined the kids. He regretted it later & tried to expand Sally's mind. (Did he ever show his son how to handle a knife?) But time ran out.
My mother learned to drive in the country–by driving all over the acreage. Starting at a very young age. Gene's method was riskier, although I got the impression his feet were on the pedals.
–The reference to "kids today" is a great way to bring up Bye Bye Birdy. It's an old complaint.
Sally driving the car was akin to Sally playing inside the dry cleaning bag — such a shocker that it was meant to draw gasps and then laughs. I know people who learned to drive trucks on a farm when they were 10 or 11, but agree that a 9 year old driving on a city street was asking for trouble.
Here's a revelation that today would seem incorrect: when I was about 9, we were allowed to have juice glasses of beer at family events. I had my first public beer (shared with my aunt) at a major league baseball game when I was 11. A few years later, we were allowed a glass of wine or champagne at family dinners.
Did it make me a drinker? Nope. I have one glass of wine or beer and call it a night. But I never became a binge drinker because it was no big deal, and also drinks in college were expensive. I'd rather go shopping.
Well, Sally was wreck-less, that is , without an accident. Was Gene reckless? I didn't think so.
Just as a point of reference…
In 1965 I was 6 yrs old and driving my grandpa's 8N tractor on the highway. He also let me sit on the fender of the tractor while pulling a mower.
I was probably 10 before I drove his 1961 Ford Falcon ("3-on-the-tree" manual transmission)
For Christmas when I was 8, I received a single shot .22 rifle
It was a different time.
Maybe the contrast between Betty (model & housewife) & her mother (professional) is intended to mirror the move of women back to the home in the late 40s/early 50s. The 20s and 30s were a period of greater openness towards women and working – after WW2, for various reasons, there was a trend in the opposite direction, with the housewife and mother being viewed as the perfect woman. It's interesting that Peggy mentions earlier on in the series (season 1?) that she's the first female copywriter in Sterling Cooper since the war.
For the wrecord, I rote that at 7 am over my first cuppa.
I totally stand corrected on Betty's mother's approach to parenting. Somehow I got it twisted up–all I really remember is that Gene's opinion was that his late wife had rendered Betty unfit for anything but the pedestal and the nursery, and I filled in the blanks. No quarter here among the devotees, that's for sure!
I was about 6 or 7 (1967 or 68) when my dad got pulled over by the po-po for letting me sit on his lap and steer the car as drove home one evening. I remember my mom firing off an "I told you so" afterward.
So Gene letting Sally drive didn't strike me as all THAT odd.