Dec 272009
You know you want it!
We have exactly one Mad Men 2010 calendar to give away to a lucky and talented Basketcase.
RULES: Post a rhyming couplet about Mad Men, or any Mad Men character, in comments. Our favorite entry wins the calendar. In case of a tie (or an unsolvable argument between the Lipp Sisters) we will pick the winner at random.
ELIGIBILITY: We will ship the prize within the continental U.S. only, sorry. You can try as many rhymes as you like, but if we pick at random, it will be one entry per person.
DEADLINE: New Year’s Day. January 10, 2010,
59 Responses to “Calendar Contest! Now with rules!”
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What the hell kind of contest is this?
S,C,D,P needs to drum up new business.
^ Like that?
The following have been submitted while suffering from severe sleep deprivation. And this isn't "Canterbury Tales". My couplets are meant to be taken, and mocked, separately and on their own.
Mad Men Mad Men Mad Men Mad Men
The best fucking t.v. show there ever has been
Don Draper in his suit, looking so dapper
I'll bet he even looks good sitting on the crapper
Manhattan Island is not an isthmus
Best line of the finale? "Happy Christmas!"
Betty flying to Reno to divorce Don is a given
So what, is Carla now a live-in
Everybody's favorite gal is Peggy Olson
She's smart and kind, but not so wholesome
Betty and Henry, flying in a plane
How long till he figures out she might be insane
Sal had to go, the client couldn't risk a shaming
How come he's the only one who can see Sal is flaming
Sal's "Bye Bye Birdie" dance nearly caused him to be 'out'
It left his poor wife with more than a shadow of a doubt
Pete and Trudy have become the cutest things ever
Did he rape that au pair? I say "Never!"
Duck sent Chauncey out to take his chances in the night
Even a Goddamned drunk should know that just isn't right
I’ll bet he even looks good sitting on the crapper
You don't remember Don in the pink towel? If I'd seen it as a child, it would have shaped my childhood.
When Pete saw the dress's stain
would have been a good time to say auf Wiedersehen
I got the calendar for Christmas from my mom!
Betty's a boring burnt-out brat from Ossining
Made credible by Jones' one-dimensional acting
The time will go – oh so slow – 'til Season Four is nigh.
It makes me want to tear my hair, I even want to cry.
Eight months to go, before the show, is on our sets again.
A calendar, is just the thing, to mark the days 'til then.
So long, farewell, Two-Thousand-Nine.
Hello to Twenty-Ten.
Send me the Mad Men Calendar – and please include a pen!
Bobbie talked too much and it made Don mad
He left without servicing her … how SAD!
Adam wanted a brother, maybe to meet the kids and wife
His final decision will haunt Don the rest of his life
Jimmy Barrett is the pitchman for the potato chips called "Utz"
He's also a jerk, and a cuckold, and an all around putz
I have a really crass one that involves Peggy and an obvious word that rhymes with Duck, but I don't want to post it from work!
Dapper Don Draper’s daring double life
Cost him his children and Betts his second wife
Jules gets my (unasked-for) vote. "Utz" has just been waiting to be rhymed, oh so appropriately, with "putz", even if the scansion isn't perfect.
Don made a brave decision and without his thinking twice
He formed a firm of talent: Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce
[...] Don’t forget to enter! It’s fun, it’s funny, the prize is awesome. Share: [...]
A woman lives in Ossining , she's feeling so morose,
Her husband works in Gotham town, she knows he's just a ghost.
I like to pretend that I’m Roger on the phone,
and on end of the line is sweet Joan.
With her smile and a glance,
I’ll fall into Romance,
and dream of making her accordion my own.
Peggy Olson slept with Chauncey’s cruel poppa
Inappropriate men she likes to bop-a
Okay so I’ve been sick for a week with bronchitis.
I call my sister up and said please just post a contest–we have this calendar. Just do it. I don’t care what it is. Please work it out.
This is cracking my shit up.
We are so over you 2009
To have Joan and Sal both back would be so fine.
The Draper parents moved on, it’s been said
Sally and Bobby have rebellion ahead.
The times they are a changin’, it’s just around the bend
Don in a nehru jacket – please spare us this trend.
Betty and Henry – how is this better?
She only knows him from parked cars and a letter.
Peggy has discovered the fun of a nooner
Duck enjoys while it lasts if not later, then sooner.
Do they come any more adorable than Trudy and Pete?
To now own their apartment would make my life complete.
Can I wait for season 4 to arrive in late summer?
Season 3 dvds in March = less of a bummer.
(cont)
I knew I loved Brits even more than I’d known
When Pryce said “Happy Christmas!” and slammed down the phone
@ #13berkowit28 Thank you! As far as the scansion not being perfect:
I’m not a poet
And don’t I know it
So far, biggest laugh for me has been @#16Great8 for rhyming poppa and bop-a. Brilliant!
Sal is gay, oh so gay
And I, for one, like him that way
Bert Cooper asks that you kindly remove your shoes
If shoes touch his carpet it gives him the blues
Freddy Rumson’s blunder, Peggy Olson wanted to obfuscate
The manner in which he sadly, drunkenly chose to urinate
Roger Sterling’s forte with clients is that he wines and dines
He’s also the guy to whom the writers give the best lines
Joy wanted to meet Don, and did some planning and scheming
Her promiscuity gives “Joy to the world” a whole new meaning
Lois Sadler is a sweet but incompetent twit
But who can forget the way she “John Deere’d” that Brit?
A wise man said, There's no place like home, wittily
unless, bad luck, you live in Ossining, not Rome, Italy.
Peggy was like an egg all a'scramble
When she hit the couch with Pete Campbell.
You just met Don Draper,
Ya' know you're in for a caper.
Martini by Bets Draper,
she asks, 'Olives or capers'.
@ #20 Jules – thanks! I take that as a great compliment, because virtually all of yours have made me laugh out loud. I wanted to rhyme Duck with the f-dash-dash-dash word, as Ralphie Parker may have said, but I couldn’t bring myself to type it! I don’t know why, because it generally flies out of my mouth with great frequency. Something about typing it made me embarrassed, though! Hence, the need to come up with another way to describe Duck, and fornication.
P.S. @Jules — this one is outstanding!
“Freddy Rumson’s blunder, Peggy Olson wanted to obfuscate
The manner in which he sadly, drunkenly chose to urinate”
Rhyming “obfuscate” with “urinate” — now that’s brilliant!
Sally tried to tell them the truth,
with all the honesty of youth.
She became all a'flutter, and started to sputter..
as Betty proceeded to call her uncouth.
Pete Campbell may seem quite creepy to some
Laugh if you want, but my heart he has won.
Don Draper has proven himself to be quite the prick
Was Betty REALLY shocked to learn that his real name is Dick?
The American dream, a dream for the ages,
has made for the Drapers individual cages.
There's my Mad Men couplet. Speaks to the heart of what I think the show's message is, which echoes Henry David Thoreau's line, that "the masses of men lead lives of quiet desperation." Can you believe he wrote that circa 1850? I believe this has been playing out for more generations than most of us recognize.
Sitting here suffering from sleep deprivation
Awaiting Season 4 with great anticipation
I'm submitting another couplet again
There's this Mad Men calendar I want to win
I think I may be done. If I'm not, perhaps I should be.
Let Mad Men be a lesson to all of you:
rich white men in the '60s had problems, too.
"What do women want?", Don Draper asks, he does not know at all
"The answer's found," Bert Cooper thinks, "up on my office wall."
[...] there! Don’t forget our grand and glorious contest! Keep those cards and letters coming, folks! [...]
la peregrina…there are some great entries on here (and I'm hoping for a random drawing for the winner, to be honest) but so far yours is my fav!!! LOL!
magenta, I agree, there are a lot of great ones. And la pelegrina's is a stunner. I am partial to these ones that sort of capture a huge picture of the series in two lines.
We really may just randomly draw. One way or another, we'll keep it fair. But this is just freaking fun.
A thing like that (Pete?) who'd kill your brother ("Don"?)
Forget that boy (Betty?) and find another (Joan?)
magenta and Roberta- Why thank you, ladies, it took me two days of thinking to come up with that one. I almost did not send it in.
…but I'm so glad you did! My favs are the ones that have references that only true Mad Men aficionados can "get," which yours certainly does.
I'm glad you sent it in too. I've enjoyed reading each and every one of the entries. I think it would be hilarious to have a calendar for 2011 with a couplet from this contest for each month!
Thank you again. I am sorry I almost underestimated the cleverness of my fellow Basketcases. I should have known better after reading and enjoying the other entries
Dear Basket-heads:
Sorry, but I've been away a while – health/life issues, 'tis the season, etc.
I saw this post and I had to dive in. Unfortunately, I've been suffering from terminal writer's block – all I could come up with was "There was an ad man from Nantucket,".
Luckily, I was able to break the log jam using the Paul Kinsey method of idea genesis. But God has a sense of humor so he/she inspired me with Haikus, not rhyming couplets. So here goes . . .
MAD MAN
Don Draper, ad man
Sells the American Dream
With truth, lies and style
LONGING
I watch “Carouselâ€
Go to a place we are loved
Matt makes my heart twinge
NOSTALGIA
Pain from an old wound
Mad Men goes backwards, forwards
How did we get here?
I hope all of you had a Happy New Year. May 2010 bring you all much peace, joy and good health to you and your families, both biological and extended.
Frank
I've been watching season one DVDs over the holidays and have one final entry:
A man is falling through the air, his anguish gone at last
Is he trying to kill himself or kill his fear-fueled past?
Mad Men on Madison,
Only rarely loved their women.
The office looked like a scene from a war
When Lois drove the John Deere indoors
With the blade engaged
A foot she razed
Guy McKendrick will golf no more
This is my boss
by Peggy Olsen
This is my boss.
He creates things out of thin air,
Imagining, Analyzing, Fantazing and Feeling.
He is an alone man
Who keeps to himself about himself.
This is my boss.
He charms the ladies, everyone,
Flirting, Caressing, Underessing and Fornicating.
He is a ladie's man
Who drives them wild with detachment.
This is my boss.
He keeps my secrets like his own,
Silently, Care-ingly, Sympatheticly and Faithfully.
He is a feeling man
Who hides the details of my story.
This is my boss.
Whether she is Mrs. Don Draper, Birdie, Betty or Betts
If she becomes Mrs. Francis she deserves what she gets
This is my Dad
by Sally Draper
This is my Dad.
He calls me Sallamanda,
Working, Smoking, Drinking and Avoiding.
He is an unfair man
Who promises to do things and then won't!
This is my Dad.
He reads the paper on the loveseat,
Working, Smoking, Drinking and Brooding.
He is a missing man
Who shows up late for dinner each night.
This is my Dad.
He makes eggs and shares them,
Working, Smoking, Drinking and Explaining
He is a handsome man.
Who makes it happen as an Ad man.
This is my Dad.
Don’s Best (Only) Friend
by Polly Draper
A birthday present for Sally, instead of a cake.
Did Don buy Polly, or likely just take?
Meditations in an Emergency, made Don think of Anna – lots.
It was loyal Polly who walked with Don to the mail box.
Bobbie Barrett is no Polly, although each is a bitch.
Both turned to Don when they needed him to scratch an itch.
Unlike Duck, who abandoned poor old Chauncy,
With Polly (not Bobbi), Don would never be so raunchy.
It was Polly that Don said he was going to feed.
Suzanne in the car, with map to Norwich, she did read.
Sally, Bobby and Polly with Dear Carla in Ossining;
Betty, Gene and Henry to Reno; sans ring.
We last see Don in fedora, with luggage and new keys,
Oh pray, Don’s lease includes pets…..please!
Woof!
Hey Cadillac, said the posing elopers
Who turned out to be malevolent dopers
If you give us a ride
You can dance with my bride
Then I’ll knock you right out of your loafers
There once was a housewife so ready
Who was feeling particulary sweaty
Although an AC salesman
Happened to pop in
It was the Maytag that took care of Betty
68firebird, you rock!
You should be a lock.
People, you inspire me.
Joan and Peggy want success, both have magic coins
Peggy's coin is her quick brain; Joanie's coin, her loins
I am amazed at la peregrina's entries! My god, the pathos she can get in two lines. She should write for the dang show!
Here's my entry–using the KISS (Keep it Simple) formula:
I really enjoy Basket of Kisses–
Watching Mad Men's what bliss is!
Don Draper, Don Draper, he's not one to linger,
he brings a new meaning to the phrase 'under his finger'
[...] we’re in the last three days of our calendar contest! Rhyme your way to a 2010 Mad Men calendar! Please enter. [...]
For your consideration . . .
Oh Don Draper, fractured man, the truth hides behind those eyes
The pain, the grief, the ache for love – success does so belie
And something a little lighter . . .
Draper: ad man, smoker, drinker, a god between the sheets
Hidden past revealed at last, bye Betts, hello SCDP
Rules stretched, rules changed, rules broken, oh my!
Can’t write a rhyming couplet? That is where the truth lies.
"I am amazed at la peregrina’s entries! My god, the pathos she can get in two lines. She should write for the dang show!"
TJ- A thing like that! I don't think this is true but I do appreciate your enthusiasm.