Don loves Betty. Betty doesn’t love Don.
There is so much to say about The Grown-Ups; about how the Kennedy assassination was juxtaposed against people figuring out who they are and what matters to them. But right now I just want to focus on this one piece of it.
Don loves Betty. Betty doesn’t love Don.
The truth does set you free, in so many, many ways. It can cause terrible pain, it can change everything for worse as well as for better, but it frees you. And when you’re free, your heart can open, and you can love.
Don told the truth, and in telling it, he found he loves Betty.
I am not confused about who and what Don is. The entire time he was confessing to Betty, Suzanne was in the car, so that in every moment of truth-telling, he was simultaneously lying. What’s fascinating about the writing here is, this both matters very much, and does not matter at all. Don is freed of a burden he has carried for more than a decade, and that freedom, however tainted, has opened his heart. Upon looking into an open heart, he finds love for his wife. It is only when his heart is closed that he cannot love her.
Betty is still lying.
Her heart is not open. And she feels nothing when she kisses Don. Hardly a fair test: She kissed him with Henry just there at the edge of her peripheral vision. But the thing here is, Betty has not unburdened herself in a reciprocal way. Not that her “crime” is equivalent; fantasizing about cheating is not the same as serial cheating, but those are real world facts, and the heart is not the real world. In her heart, Betty is a liar. She is locked up, she is holding back, and you can’t be fully present and held back at the same time. The door to the heart is either closed or opened, and Betty’s is closed.
In truth, that’s why “I don’t love you anymore” is usually such a piss poor excuse for ending a relationship. It usually means what Betty means: My heart is closed. The door is locked. And usually, if the door could be unlocked, there is love behind it. That’s what Don discovered.
But because Betty is right; because Don is the one who has lied and cheated, Betty sees no need to unlock her own door, and without that opening, the love has not been set free.
223 Responses to “The truth will set you free”
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Dark Peggy @#21 speaks I'm guessing for a sizable number of viewers (myself definitely included, at least in part), though perhaps not the majority of those here…
Personally, I feel the Draper marriage is now completely stale and beyond salvage. A new baby couldn't refresh their marriage. A wild romantic holiday couldn't refresh their marriage. Don confessing his darkest secrets couldn't refresh their marriage. All these things should have brought them closer together, but instead these developments seemed to have emphasised the emptiness of their marriage. Love ain't here anymore.
The Drapers are now both unfaithful to each other, seeking escape in other flings/fantasises and lying at every turn. Their marriage has been ruined for a long time and Betty is finally admitting to it, while Don is wanting them to take pills and numb themselves to the reality. I definitely think they are headed for divorce. But why stop at divorce? Betty knows that Don broke the law. If Betty discovers the Farrell affair she would have both the grounds for divorcing Don and keeping the kids, but she might also have a motive for reporting Don to the police. Don has more to lose than his wife, but his home, his children, his reputation, his job, his freedom, etc.
I'm really not interested in Don/Betty as a love story. Never have been. I think the more interesting aspect of this relationship is how they both fight the emptiness of their marriage. And for the first time Betty has the power to triumph over Don in this long struggle.
#205, Falafel, I agree. I got up super early today (why oh why AMC do you have to show the best thing you've got going at such insane hours?) to watch "The Grownups" yet again to see if anything had changed for me. And if anything, it just reinforced my feeling that these two never really loved each other–only the *idea* of each other. That's why, it really doesn't matter if Betty's heart is locked, or if she in fact isn't being completely honest with Don, i.e., a "liar." Because she never was a fully developed person to begin with, and the relationship was never based on truth–it was a lie on both their parts from the start, and even after Don's come clean, it's too little, too late. Especially considering his reaction in the aftermath of the assassination. Betty is at least honest enough to acknowledge the relationship is broken, even if she isn't fully upfront about her growing extramarital relationship–but when has Don ever been fully upfront in that department?
I'm no lover of Betty. In real life, we would never be friends. And I don't think she's fully grown up, or that she should jump immediately into Henry Francis' arms. She needs to be alone for a good long while. But after viewing this three times, I don't think she's a liar, and the flirtations she's been involved with are nothing compared to ten solid years of lying, cheating and withholding on Don's part. If she can't unlock her heart, I don't blame her.
189 Cherielabombe
Well spotted!
No one may come back here but this is the proper thread to acknowledge one gorgeous way to cut to black.
Don and Betty are the same people in my opinion. A Lie Is A Lie! However BIG or small! The wall gets built slower with small lies however it's still a wall! Don is a whore and Betty is a closet whore and a closet lesbian and we know Don leaves his balls at the door! Hypocrisy, it is the death of us all!
#209-Betty is a closet lesbian? What? She's not into her husband anymore but that doesn't make her a lesbian.
Betty surely will get more closet space in the divorce settlement.
"Don, leave those things outside, I don't want you tracking mud all over my floor."
Oh Sweet Hypocrisy, take me now!
Cancel that last beseechment, I want to watch the final episode.
I will fight you off, turn you away. I'm a hypocrite except when I'm not.
Betty = closet lesbian = wishful thinking?
She wouldn’t float my boat, but perhaps for some, she might.
Now Joan, on the other hand …
And for the first time Betty has the power to triumph over Don in this long struggle.
That is one dark way of looking at this show. She could have opened her mouth to change her marriage at any time in the last three years. Instead, it is apparently about winning and losing.
I think I need to clear up the "closet lesbian" comment. I am not saying Betty is into women at all!!!! She castrates men and I prefer my men with their testicles intact. Remember she called her daughter a little lesbian because she used Don's tools…………..
I think I need to clear up the “closet lesbian†comment. I am not saying Betty is into women at all!!!! She castrates men and I prefer my men with their testicles intact. Remember she called her daughter a little lesbian because she used Don’s tools…………
Sorry, not "cleared up" yet.
I doubt lesbians are interested in castrating men; in fact, they're probably not interested in that part (those parts?) of a man at all.
Certain unevolved folks refer to feminists ("Feminazis") as "castrating females"–usually in very high voices. Again, not true. And Betty is very far from feminism, alas.
Sometimes a tool is just a tool.
LOM, the stickler, chimes in.
LOM agrees with not_Bridget.
AND IF Betty figuratively castrates males, she would be best described as a "misandrist" from the root misandry. Contrast with misogyny.
Sexual preference would have nothing to do with literal or figurative violence to anyone of any gender really.
Chiming out.
I should correct the above. First sentence should read:
"LOM, the elitist stickler, chimes in."
Gracias.
# 129 gypsy howell
"jeethe loooweethe" — hilarious! Thanks for a great laugh. I love Kiernan Shipka and her adorable lisp.
On another topic, was anyone else as affected as I was by the perfect simulation of the late afternoon November light in the bedroom when Don goes upstairs after Betty says she doesn't love him? It's a technical masterpiece. And it's a beautiful, sad expression of the utter desolation he feels then. Holy smokes, what a show.
@ #219: oh, yes! on top of the magnificent writing and performance, you've got top quality art direction on this show… I was touched by the scene, in every way, and I think it was the one of the best in the whole episode, if not the entire series. Donald/Dick revealed and crushed… at last.
Not that I want him to stay that way…
Poor Donald Draper.
[...] with. So up it stays, hard and closed, and if the wall is there, it locks away the love. Previously I posted about how Betty’s locked heart is rooted in an internal dishonesty. She won’t open to Don [...]
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