I have been seeing, on the Internet, an awful lot of Mad Men reviewers and bloggers claiming that Betty finding the box was inevitable; it was something we were leading up to for three years. Whereas I was shocked to my core, and not just shocked by the way the scene played, the brilliant tension of it all, but shocked from the other side of the fourth wall. Indeed, I simply thought they’d never do it. How could they? Like finding the one-armed man, it’s a series-ender.
And then there’s the Gypsy and the Hobo. Several Basketcases suggested that perhaps Betty would keep this information to herself, or run to Henry with it. I think it was simply much easier to imagine that than to imagine what we saw.
I cannot begin to count the number of false notes that were not played. This scene”sequence of scenes”would have been so incredibly easy to screw up. Or, y’know, just played a little less perfectly. We television viewers accept so much false confrontation, over-dramatic speechifying, and instant forgiveness that we forget that more is possible.
So. Much. More.
First of all, Jon Hamm is a miracle. He is generous, subtle, complex, malleable, an acting class, a gift. At this moment, I don’t even care that he is gorgeous and sexy.
Starting from the beginning of the confrontation: “It’s private!” You parents out there will attest that was a child speaking. “Don’t touch my stuff!” My special baseball, my magic rock, don’t touch it. You can’t! In that moment, Don Draper was stripped in a very ugly way, to his raw, demanding, childish denial.
And then Betty says she’s opened the drawer. No, she says he knows, he must know, that she’s opened the drawer. But he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know because his denial, his urge to fight or flight, is so deep that he cannot tell himself it’s too late.
The blood drains from his body, he puts the key down, he gives up. And in that moment, he’s broken.
Some smart Basketcase noticed that in the early episodes this season Don dropped and broke things a lot. A spilled ashtray, a shattered ant farm. It all seems like foreshadowing now; the dropped cigarette, the inability to pour himself a drink that elicits sympathy from Betty despite herself.
And then he speaks. Finally, he doesn’t say “what do you want me to say?” Instead, he says “Where do you want me to start?” That’s a huge difference, from ‘what lie do you want?’ to ‘how much truth do you want?’
His name is “Donald Draper,” he says, and for a moment there’s his strength, his power to charm, “but it used to be Dick Whitman” and it’s gone again. When Betty says “You took his name?” Don says “Yes” and looks right at her, and then can’t anymore, and looks into his drink. And then, when she asks “Isn’t that against the law?” he just can’t even try; the eyes stay in the drink. Panic, fear, shame, pleading; all there in the eyes that can and then cannot face this confrontation.
AMCtv
In the next minutes with Betty, he goes everywhere, says everything. He is humble, he is so painfully honest, he is so wrong-headed, so truthful, so broken and wounded and relieved and lost. And he weeps. Did you think he would weep? I did not think he would weep. After weeping, he brushes his teeth. We watch him spit out the toothpaste, then spit out the rinse. That’s a lot of spit, and the symbolism of catharsis is pretty clear.
And at last, he leaves the pictures out.
Can we agree that was brilliant? We’ve seen him, over the course of this year, remember and reminisce and chew over the past. But when he’s done, he carefully puts the pictures back in the box. So much a habit that he’s about to do so again, and then realizes he doesn’t have to. I think in that moment, right there, is when the peace began. He can leave the pictures out. He doesn’t have to hide them. There: There’s a picture on the dresser. I am a free man.
Okay, now I want to weep.
What made Don weep, anyway? Oh, I know, you’re going to say Adam’s tragic suicide and the way Don has never forgiven himself. But I’m going to go back a minute, and say it was simply the act of Betty saying his name. She says “Adam” and he looks for all the world like he’s been shot in the foot. OW. From there, it was only a matter of time. (I really wish I had finished writing the post about Don and Adam, it would have made me seem so prophetic. But I will finish it, so watch this space.)
And let us now praise how Betty is portrayed here, because she doesn’t let it go, the anger, the mistrust, and why should she? But she’s clearly very moved, and that confuses her. Is it another woman? No, wait. Is it a terrible crime, well, yes. My husband is ashamed? My husband is sad? She wanted so badly to be let in, and so there’s some of that too; as furious as she is, as horribly violated as she feels, he is letting her in.
When Don wakes up the next morning and sees the bed empty beside him, he is afraid. I think there’s a moment when he doesn’t know who he is, and I think there’s a moment when he fears she’s left him, and then we see her suitcases. She hasn’t left, she’s come back, there’s the luggage. At the same time, it’s an indication that she could leave. But he leaves the pictures on the dresser; whether she leaves or not, he’s spoken his truth, and things are changed.
Why do we love? There are so many answers to that; we love what’s familiar, what’s bad for us, what’s mysterious, what’s known. We love the Other, and we love the Mirror. But part of the nature of true love is that we love who we are when we are with our beloved. It’s what the minority here who are Suzanne-Don ‘shippers say: Don loves her because he can be Dick Whitman with her. I have contended that Rachel was The One for Don because he told her the truth; and that isn’t just a sign that wow, he really trusts her so he must love her. It’s “with Rachel I am the man who can speak the truth and be known,” and he loves himself when he is with her. That’s a very big deal. “You make me want to be a better man,” also means, ‘when I am with you I am better than when I am not with you.’
Betty: “I can’t trust you. I don’t know who you are.”
Don: “Yes you do.”
Anna reminded Don that he loves Betty. But in finally telling her the truth, he loves her more, because the freed man is who he is when he is with Betty.
Yeah, he loves her (AMCtv)
166 Responses to “I don't even know what to say”
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I agree #1, he (Jon Hamm) lit up every possible nerve in my body. He made me feel his remorse. He really, really brought tears to my eyes as well.
The same with Betty (Jones)…she was absolutely amazing….you truly felt her anger, her eagerness for the truth.
Great post, Deborah. I don't even know what to say, either! All I know is, my heart started pounding when Betty said, "We need to talk", and I couldn't believe she was going to confront him. I was actually proud of her! The scenes in the kitchen and bedroom had me in tears. Both Jon Hamm and January Jones should get Emmys for this episode alone. They were both incredible. Just the way the life drained out of Don's face when he realized he was cooked. Incredible and gut-wrenching. And Betty's steely resolve, and how she really just wanted to be so cold to him, but she couldn't, because that was still her husband and the father of her children. And she loves him! I believe that. I believe he loves her, too, he just has a poor way of showing it.
Probably my favorite episode ever, and that includes "The Wheel." Well done all around.
The scene with Don showing Betty the pictures was perfect. All of the moments when they were talking were television gold. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. I'm just speechless. Seeing Don cry was so powerful, and so real.
I almost teared up myself when Don/Dick finally let Betty in… that was so powerful.
Wow! On so many levels, wow. I did not see this coming this episode. Both characters tranformed by truth. Betty becomes the head of that family, at least for the moment, demands the answers, gets the answers, and is, I believe, as you say Deborah surprised by her compassion for this man whose lie as she told the Philadelphia lawyer was "so big" and "so unforgiveable." Yet, I was so impressed by Betty becoming the stronger woman. She didn't heed the Philadelphia lawyer's advice, she didn't go back to live the lie without the answers and simply be happy because "he is a good provider." Instead, she demanded the answers even when the lawyer told her "you could lose the children." I think Betty's character truly evolved this episode, and yes, Jon Hamm, oh my….. oh my… fabulous!
I think that scene is one of the greatest in the series.
I'm so glad that Betty didn't sit on that information. That confrontation was perfect. And I love that we saw the next morning as well. That scene reminded me of fights my parents had when I was growing up: the world didn't end, the sun came up, everything seemed "normal" but was totally different. Sally knew something was up, Bobby is young enough to still be oblivious.
I'm watching the repeat and Peggy just said: "I can't turn it off, it's actually happening!" That must have been Don's exact reaction when he realized Betty knew about the box.
Deborah – wonderful post.
Truly amazing work all around – JJ included
What will we see from Jon Hamm next October 25? Two years in a row he totally nails it.
I told my husband that when Betty mentioned Adam that Don was going to cry. It was a tour de force performance. Team Hamm!
I was truly impressed by the way Betty behaved in this episode. Betty was the Hitchock blonde I loved from previous episodes: cool calculating, and possessing absolute self-control.
OMG what an episode. When Betty said "Adam"…I screamed. I have been an observer on this website, but no more. This show is so unbelieveable. Not only Don and Betty but Joan and Greg as well. Didn't this blog predict his entry to Vietnam? or am I reading too many Mad Men blogs??
It reminded me almost of when Michael Corleone cried in The Godfather Part III when he admitted he ordered the death of his brother. We're so used to seeing it all so cool and collected… and to see Don/Dick break down like that…
My God.
Utterly, spectacularly amazing. I have to go to bed because it is a school night, but I just can't. That episode was total and complete perfection – Roger and Don both became a little more human, and who'da thunk that? Joan is Roger's "one," but he'll never let her know AND he's faithful to Jane(wtf?), Dr. McRapist finally finds a place to be a mediocre surgeon (and yes the inevitable Frank Burns comparisons are churning through my mind) – just about the most compelling television I've ever seen.
And you are totally right, Deborah, the scenes between Betty and Don were perfection. She feigns not knowing what's in the drawer, then drops the bombshell that she knows. Not only was Don totally broken at that moment, but he also dropped the "Don" persona; he was Dick Whitman, with all the insecurities that must come from pretending to be someone you're not (and how did Don repress all that through the years?). When Betty said "You're very good at telling stories," she was waiting for the lie, waiting to see what he'd come up with and he played the only card he had left – the truth.
Jon Hamm was magnificent through it all, how tough an acting challenge is it to play someone who's playing someone? And then to face his character's greatest fear and have to live out a moment he truly never wanted to (or so he tells himself) – just fantastic. I totally believed that Don had never really grieved for Adam, never let himself feel that loss because it was too tough to face – all that emotion came pouring out at last. And it makes complete sense that only that kind of grief, that kind of understanding of the pain and damage his lies have cost, could move Betty's heart. She still has doubts about Don, of course, but she saw something about him in that confession – that the good parts of Don were real.
And can we praise January Jones just a little bit more? Her righteous anger, her refusal to be put off by Don's bullsh*t any longer, then her sympathy learning about Adam's death – wonderful. But perhaps even better was the next day – all the subtle ways Betty let Don know she wasn't leaving. There will be ramifications of his years of lying – we see that in the preview, but contrary to what we really all thought, she is not fleeing the marriage – if anything she seems more committed. She has wanted to be let in, and it was way bigger than she thought, but she knows she's on different footing with Don now – this is her house after all.
I know MW has stated in interviews that he wants to explore the impact of living a double life like Don has, so to me the big reveal from Don to Betty is a natural progression from the moment Bert Coopers said "who cares." The world did not fall in when his secret was out – and even Pete hasn't tried to use that information against him in the meantime, and I think the character of Don has been groping about for a way to free himself of the burden.
@ 11 Lynn Ray-Welcome to basket of kisses, the finest Mad Men blog there is.
What I loved was how Hamm practically whispered every single one of his lines during the two "confession" scenes. It had me hanging on every word.
Thank you RetroGirl – I have been silent too long, I just wish I could be in NYC for the Season Finale, I would join you all (or ya'll as we say here in Texas!!)
I liked when Betty asked how Don would feel if he were in her situation: "would you love you?". She's smart, I wonder if Don (or Henry) have ever appreciated that.
@ 16 Lynn Ray-You can be there in spirit by commenting on the live post that night
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that scene reminded me of when my ex-boyfriend admitted that he cheated on me. I acted just like Betty…demanding answers, snapping at him, etc. My ex…just like Don, whispered answers, wouldn't look at me, and yes-cried. Beautiful, beautiful scene! Bravo Jon Hamm and January Jones!
How absurd is it that a married man would up and enlist in the Army without telling his wife beforehand?
I'm a man and it still makes no sense to me.
#7 Lissie says: I’m watching the repeat and Peggy just said: “I can’t turn it off, it’s actually happening!†That must have been Don’s exact reaction when he realized Betty knew about the box.
I thought the exact same thing. (It could also apply to Joan and her marriage situation. It's completely not what she wanted or expected, yet she can't stop it.)
I still can't say whether Suzanne is a good or bad thing for Don but she is definitely not gone completely from the picture. I could see Don falling for her because he could be himself with her and he knows she truly does care about him. The line about 'You would be the one to ask me how I'm doing' pointed that out. But, Deb, you make a good point about Don/Dick and Betty…it will be interesting to see if the truth-telling will hurt or help their relationship.
And I was so proud of Betty sticking to her guns and not backing down or taking any BS answers. This episode is up there with A Night To Remember for me as far as Betty moments. Actuallly, scratch that. This totally trumps that episode.
#11-Lynn. Welcome and yes some amazing Basketcases predicted both the Army surgeon scenario and Joan calling Roger for a job, though I can't remember which ones. Gah. I love this place!
Wowowow! I honestly didn't think Betty and Don had any love for each other left, but after this episode I'm beginning to second guess myself. He had the chance to run away, but he chose to stay and face the truth. I don't think that's just because he likes his job and the rest of his social persona, I think it's because when push came to shove he realized that he had a family, that he wasn't the hobo anymore, and it was time to let that go. Amazing amazing episode, I'm so sad there are only two left this season!
I thought the one didn't tell his family was Dick. I was sure Don told Anna he was enlisting.
Wow. I can't think of anything to say right now, so I guess Ill just see you all tomorrow. 'Night everyone.
#24, I believe the poster was referring to Greg.
I just realized that with Don and Betty both trick-or-treating with the children, no one was at their house to hand out candy. Cheapos.
Chuck Schick @20, I don't know. Let's ask Greg, shall we? Oy.
And yeah, other Basketcases are right and I was remiss in not saying that January Jones hit it out of the fucking park as well. The rage, the cracks as she watched him talk about Adam, and then the uncertainty of the next day and trick-or-treating. Holy cow, she's a star.
@ 20 Chuck Schick and @ 26 Taiga- That makes more sense that it would be Greg. It also seems very in-keeping with his character. He is the man of the house. He's the one who gets to make decisions. I won't be sorry to see him go.
@ Not Quite Jane Street #23
He had the chance to run away, but he chose to stay and face the truth
Loved the moment in the kitchen when Betty says "Are you thinking of what to say or are you just looking at the door." Don's hobo insinct has always been to run for the door. But he answers "I'm not leaving." A perfect moment.
Another one: when Don is brushing his teeth, he doesn't look in the mirror this time. He has no idea what he'll see if he looks. Who is he supposed to be?
We're going to be analyzing every frame of this for the next 165 hours.
Repeating this from the live thread: When the Big Secret is shared, it becomes Bigger. That’s the way a dynasty gets started… Who are you supposed to be? “Behind every great fortune is a crime…†– Mario Puzo
Quotes for the hook of this Epi:
"The name is poisoned. The product is good."
"Label on a can."
"Who are you supposed to be?"
"Where is love?"
Frankly, before tonight much of the dialogue was awkward between Don and Betty, a high school play. Tonight they both grew up and so did Jon and January. They learned what responsibility is in a marriage, for better or worse. Where is love? Right in front of you.
This no Scarlet and Rhett, star crossed and fatal. This is learning to make a commitment, and working at it. I can never understand infidelity, but I can understand the power of working each other's weaknesses, for the good of 'us.'
Just sayin'
Great episode. Have to say, it annoyed me to hear him tell Suzanne, "You're the only one to ask me about me right now," or some such thing, after his wife just found the wherewithal to sympathize and forgive him for a massive secret he's been hiding from her. That shows an ability to think of him first, instead of herself. In the meantime, teacher's worried she's going to lose her job. (I really don't understand why some think she's a good egg when she screams psycho to me.) Don/Dick, why do you still have blinders on? Also, this reinforced my belief—developed in season 2—that Betty and Don do love each other; this is what marriage is about–being real and knowing each other's dirty secrets and still committing to it.
#30. Ditto to everything you say. As for Don, the name may be poisoned, but the product is good.
How wonderful to take a character (Suzanne) that more than a few (tho obviously not all) did not have a lot of sympathy for and make her story so sad – even tho she knew how it would end – the end was so sudden, so unexpected.
How appropriate that the orphan Oliver asks about love.
In this episode I could see the dual love in Don toward both women, for very different reasons. Maybe she'll be back, but I think it is more poignant if she is simply gone.
Putting her in the car while this intensely deep and emotional moment played about between a married couple was so well done.
Big truth and big lie at the same time.
The first thing Don does when he wakes up is look to Bets' side. The man does love her and doesn't want to lose her.
sjrw,
That's debatable. Don certainly hasn't seen it that way, though maybe he will now.
#35. True.
It's interesting to me that this episode shows Roger and Don juggling two women, one who thought she was "the one" but wasn't (Suzanne, or at least I'd like to think so, and Annabelle), and another who is treated as if she's not the one and is (Betty/Joan). Don and Roger took Betty and Joan for granted, until they wouldn't play their game anymore.
Perfection. Hamm looked like an entirely different human being after he told Betty. Even when he went to the office he seemed like he filled less space than usual. Impeccable acting. Give this man an emmy!
Ah, Don still has all those affairs to open up about…we ain't done yet.
Cast was great. Hamm was spectactular.
The script…a little on the nose. Marti Noxon. Can't say as I'm surprised.
WOW–I love how Don was hotboxed–Suzanne waiting in the car and Betty grabbing him when he came in.
Bets is a good egg–she's been jerked around, but she still was willing to hear what he had to say. I know she's been maligned, but it's been clear from S1 she loves her husband and is loyal.
I love this show so much.
#20 asks about Greg Harris, MD "enlisting" In 1963 what he did was apply for a direct commission. Since prior to WWI licensed and qualified physicians have entered the US Army (and later Air Force) as Captains. The equal rank in the US Navy is Full Lieutenant. Generally a military physician has a 4 year tour of duty. Hardly ever would such a physician be promoted to Major or Lt. Commander during that first tour. In the feature movie M.A.S.H. Frank Burns is a major and considered an incompetent surgeon. It is likely he finished training just as WWII ended, so he could have done his first tour, then was in the reserves when Korea started. Thus he got promoted to major. All Hawkeye and the others wanted was to be returned to civilian life, not a promotion to major.
#24 suggested that Dick Whitman and Don Draper enlisted. Almost certainly Dick did enlist because he could not find a steady job post WWII with better qualified returning veterans getting good jobs. Then came Korea and Dick found himself in a shooting war.
The original Don Draper was a US Army Full Lieutenant Engineer with just a few weeks of service left on his tour despite the fact Korea was just started. The most logical explanation is that Don Draper turned 18 about 1941, had done well in high school and was enrolled in engineering school. He would have had draft deferments and probably was in the V-12 program which trained engineers, sort of like ROTC. Don Draper would have received a direct commission as a Second Lieutenant upon graduating from engineering school, perhaps in 1947 with a masters degree. He would have had a 4 year tour, so would have been promoted to Full Lt. late in 1949. Lt. Draper's tour would have ended about June 1951, or a few weeks after he and Pvt. Dick Whitman were in the fox hole. This would fix the original Don Drapers date of birth as 1923.
Matt Weiner has never specified when Dick Whitman really was born. Perhaps that was as early as 1926 but because of poor birth records his draft board believed Dick to be younger. Or, Dick was born in 1931. To me Pvt. D. Whitman looked to be as old as Lt. Draper. Until Matt Weiner decides to tell us, we can only guess.
I am going to say it right now, if Jon Hamm doesn’t get an Emmy it will be a disgrace.
I agree with all comments concerning the incredible acting job of Hamm and Jones. Unbelieveable! The suspense of Suzanne in car was riviting. ReMember the times: many kept big secrets. I love reading all the comments. I don't think I've ever been so impacted by a series. Kristin
What made that entire confrontation work for me was that I saw both sides as being absolutely right . It took a lot of discipline for the writers to *not* try to direct the viewers' sympathy to one character at the expense of the other. The pain of both Don and Betty felt real and entirely justified for each.
Don Draper has gone from Michael Corelone to whining … Johnny Fontane. I see no Don Vito to straighten him out with a slap and the advice “You can act like a man!â€
Don will have to wait … for Oprah Winfrey to popularize forgiveness through public humiliation.
Don failed to “Limit his exposure†and I tire of the melodrama. We can now expect that Don Draper lives as a wounded vet in a hospital room, listening to a radio and dreaming that the dead PVT Whitman has “stolen†his life.
In addition to extraordinary acting skills – how does Jon Hamm morph his face? On the DVD commentary of the last episode of season 1 when he is sitting on the stairs and they pan over him – his face morphs… the commentary made mention of that and I never forgot it.
His acting comes from some other place – it’s completely internal and completely external all at the same time – very few have that gift.
I loved the way he started to tell the story in the bedroom – plainly with no drama, as if knowing this day was coming… “this is my father” and so on. He only got emotional over Adam, as well he should…
Now if Betty wanted to show her REAL commitment level she’d change the babies name to ADAM.
I’m really beginning to be fascinated by what gets projected onto Suzanne and why she provokes so much animosity.
I can’t even imagine how Jon Hamm continues to astonish. He is truly an amazing actor.
And, yes, pity the poor trick or treaters getting no answer at the Draper’s door.
I now believe entirely that Don/Dick as a man, husband and Creative Director at Sterling Cooper can be redeemed. We all knew, underneath that remote and sometimes cold Don Draper personae, that the real man — Dick Whitman, a kind, sincere and genuinely good man — was there.
Tonight, the dramatic arc we’ve all been waiting for has really begun: Don has found his safety at home in terms of being disclosing of his true past with Betty.
The real dramatic tensions in the years to come for Mad Men will be: how will this Don — the freed, authentically realized man he is to the woman he loves — now be freed everywhere else? Because once you open Pandora’s Box, you can’t seal it again.
The truth no longer lies on Mad Men, deeply or not. It’s coming to the surface.
Hi everyone! I’ve been visiting this site for the last two months, but tonight’s episode forced me to register and comment.
Just Wow. Fantastic episode. The confrontation scene, as the opening post noted, contained not one false note. It was so beautifully played. Jon Hamm’s acting was so good, it was almost scary. As an actor he reached a level so above and beyond. Practically transcendent.
And not to leave out January Jones, she struck a perfect balance throughout. She can act. She’s good.
Glad to see to see the character Betty developed this way. She’s stronger and smarter than any of the other characters realize. Probably more than she realizes. Hope she continues in this vein.
Also, the confrontation scene was exactly like watching a Hitchcock movie. With Suzanne outside in the car, what suspense. You think that’s what is going to explode and wham!, it’s this other thing.
Maybe Suzanne has been an Hitchcockian Macguffin the whole time?
Love this site. Thanks for it.
#30. “Behind every great fortune is a crime…†– Honoré de Balzac
Wow! Great episode and amazing acting. Hubby & I were both wiping our eyes during the big confession scenes.
Then hubby says, “I hope it’s not gonna be like the X-Files once they figured everything out.” That would suck, but I’m pretty sure MW can pull it off.
I loved when Joan hit Greg with the vase!
I agree with the notion that the ‘Big Reveal’ might have been seen as a ‘series ender,’ early on. But now, we’re nearly three full seasons into the show. Along the way, we’ve met the other players and we’ve been introduced to their various personal and on-the-job dramas. So, I think the show still has lots of ways it can go.
The final two episodes in Season Three, I’m sure, will definitely set us up for some interesting developments in Season Four — and (hopefully) well beyond!
I’ve said it before, but after tonight’s show, it bears repeating: Mad Men is simply great television!
Reminder: Discussing next week's previews is not allowed.
Did anyone else notice that in the last scene, Betty is wearing the same dull plaid dress she wore when she found out she was pregnant with baby Gene?
Like that scene, this morning routine was a time of new beginnings, new decisions, and a time to say "Where do we go from here?" But this time, it's Don that will have to figure out how to live now that he's been discovered.
This was a brilliant episode, and I think this will bring Don/Dick closer over time.
And yes, Give Mr. Hamm the Emmy right now! No contest. And January better be nominated too.
That should say Don/Dick closer to Betty over time.
@Greg #40: Nicely said. In the story of Pandora's Box, after all the bad stuff flies out, at the bottom of the box is hope. We can possibly hope that Dick/Don will integrate and find happiness.
I cried my eyes out! Amazing episode, and if Hamm and Jones dont win emmy's globes or sag awards for this, they will be robbed. I was on the edge of my seat with tears in my eyes, and I knew that Betty would feel remorseful towards her husbands true story. you could see it in her eyes, she felt sorry for the man, and she knew deep down in her heart, that she loves him, He as well. He needs her, not to be just the perfect blonde wife, but he needs her as a companion and his secrets and lies were tearing them apart.
My husband thinks that Suzanne is going to be pregnant, too. Will be interesting to see what happens!
Absolutely amazing! that was Emmy GOLD right there. I love that epi even more than Meditations and the Wheel. I never thought it would really happen. And as they both sat on that bed and Don spilled, I found myself blurting out things. Thinking in my head "He's not gonna tell her this…" and then, wonder of all wonders, HE DID say them. He didn't hold back. I shocked the hell outta my husband and Don shocked the hell outta me. So, now, I thought, is it shark time? because what's left now? PLENTY!!! this is MW we're talking about ladies and gentlemen. So much more to come! YAY!!!!
Riveting episode, the acting "I don'tknow what to say" Jon Hamm is incredible and January was right there with him. Every line every move was so right, the timing everything. When she reached out and touched him when he was talking about Adam, I found myself reaching out to him at that very moment. The shots – the angles – the lighting – all subperb. When he dropped the cigarette – oh my, I knew he was going to let it all out and he did! My heart is still pounding from that scene.,
Oh, and I agree with others, I am afraid Suzanne may be pg.
Also, notable the scene Roger had with the old flame and with Joan were spot on. Joan and the vase – classic.
Lots of broken glass this season — Joan cleaned up the ant farm, prevented further harm in the lawnmower accident, and now breaks a vase on Greg. His line about "working all your life for that one thing" cut Joan deeper than anything else we've seen, I think.
Just noticed that the BOK Season 3 Ep guide lists G&H as Episode 10. I'm sure you've already fixed it.
#55 Deb – was Don using the real Don Draper's age, or Dick Whitman's age? I would suspect that Dick's total takeover of the real Don's identity included adding a few years to his age. Check his driver's license …
Not with a bang, but a whimper…
But 1963 isn't over yet, and neither is the season. There are so many shoes left to drop.
This was an incredible "coming out" scene. When Don wakes up the next morning and looks around, you can see that look where he's thinking "did that really happen?"
This is just the beginning. There are many characters who have yet to come out – Sal, Joan, Peggy, and in some respects, even Betty. This has always been a show about people learning to live authentically, and I think those struggles will still continue.
I wonder if this will change Don’s perception of Sal, now that he too has been outed involuntarily.
I was thinking along the same lines. What happened to Don last night is very much a "coming out," although his closet was self-imposed, not society-imposed. That's part of the reason why I don't think the dramatic tension is in any way lessened for the show, although it is changed. For one thing, Don and Betty had a lot of problems in their marriage beyond his hiding his true identity, and those problems have not gone away (in fact, one of them is just a phone call away).
But more importantly, Don's life will never be the same, and watching that transformation will be very interesting. When I came out 9 years ago, I did not realize what a process it would be. I thought once the secret was out, that would be the end. But what I learned, and I think Don is going to learn over months and years, is that to maintain that secret you have to build amazing walls around yourself. It takes a lot of energy to live a lie and you can't just turn off the internal processes you develop to ensure the secret isn't out. It is a very freeing experience, and we've alread seen that impact on Don the next day (aside, I love his response to the ever-perfect Allison's question about re-re-scheduling his lunch "I have more than enough to do."), but there is a still a ton of stuff he has to work through, both by himself and with Betty.
I also really noticed the contrast between Don's full and frank coming out to Betty and Sal's inadvertant coming out to Kitty during his enactment of the Patio commercial. Both Kitty and Betty have to process an enormous amount of information and emotions in those moments, but their impact is entirely different for the two women. While both women know their marriage is based on a lie, Betty also learns, as I noted above, that there is a lot of truth in their relationship as well. Don really does love her and wants her love in return. Kitty has no such reassurance.
I really wonder how much MW intended to parallel Sal's and Don's stories this season. Beginning with the trip Out of Town they have both faced revelations about the secrets they've been keeping. That revelation kills Sal's career and likely his marriage, but Don is left with a certain potential in his.
Makes me wonder if we'll see Sal again before the end of the season. It was wonderful seeing Joan.
#66 I think Don was honest with the doctor. He told him the truth about his biological parents.
First of all, I agree this episode is right up there with "The Wheel" as one of my favorites, if not my all-time favorite because the entire series has been building to this episode, that confrontation scene, since it began. And they didn't disappoint. Hamm and Jones were marvelous, beyond marvelous. But don't forget the writers who put the words into their characters mouths (says the fellow writer) and the director who got them to say those words in such a way that moved us to tears.
One theme of this episode was about love and power. All the three story arcs of Don/Betty, Roger/Annabelle, Greg/Joan were about who had the upper hand in their relationships. Betty's never been in charge in her relationship with Don, but finding his box started the shift. Did you notice that she was sitting at her father's desk in the lawyer scene – remember the conversation here not long ago about desks symbolizing power (when Conrad Hilton sits at Don's desk for example)? Then at the beginning of the confrontation scene, she stopped Don from leaving the house (ostensibly to get his hat but really to send Suzanne home, poor Suzanne) and was in command through that entire scene. And the next morning, Don walks into the kitchen at breakfast and she asks him if he's having anything and he defers to her. Same thing that night when he gets home to take the kids trick or treating, he leaves it up to her if she wants to join them or not – she's got the power.
The Roger/Annabelle story was out of the blue but totally fascinating – the Hemingway/Casablanca references were genius because it would have been so easy to compare their experience to either of those. But as Roger points out, they weren't. As for power – Annabelle had the power then, Roger's got it now.
And the Greg/Joan story – Joan smashing the vase over Greg's head was Joan asserting herself in that relationship for the first time – finally! – after standing by like the good wife for so very long. And apparently it did knock some kind of sense into him because after that he enlisted.
Another theme of the episode was labels: the labels on the dog food, people changing their names – remember during the confrontation scene Don answers back to Betty that she changed her name too (which I didn't get – did she go by Betsy before, that's what her family calls her & Don calls her "Bets", but she's also Betty, I must have missed that disclosure if it was in a previous episode), though she's got a great comeback that she changed it "to Draper."
I also wanted to give a shout out to the art director and set designers who do such amazing work to set the scene each week, helping transport us into that time period. The little things I noticed last night: the cocktail glass with the gold pattern that Roger was drinking from when he called his buddy about getting Joan a job – my grandparents had glasses just like those back in the 60s. And the perfume tray with the gold trim sitting on Don & Betty's dresser (next to his old box) that was in the morning after scene – my mother and grandmothers had trays exactly like that. And the sewing machine sitting on the kitchen table – evidence that Betty was making the kids' Halloween costumes instead of wasting money on pre-made ones from Woolworth's that Sally wanted and Don said were "crap." As a mom, I can totally relate to that (and it made me feel guilty that I haven't made as many H. costumes for my youngest, my Gene as it were, as I have for my two oldest.)
Finally, that song. "Where is Love." From the play "Oliver," which I figured had to have come out around then, so I looked it up to be sure. The musical debuted in London in 1960 and premiered on Broadway in 1963. An orphan singing about finding love. Another orphan who may have finally found it.
For the last four weeks I have watched this show with an enormous knot in my stomach, afraid of what was going to happen next, what wrong-headed decision someone was going to make that was going to lead to a catastrophe of one kind or another. It was the same last night, wondering throughout the confrontation scene whether Suzanne would come knocking on the door to find out where Don was. But of course she didn't. That would have been too Desperate Housewives for MW. And that's why we keep tuning in week after week. MM is hands down my pick for the best thing on TV right now, and maybe ever.
#66- when Pete found out about the real Don Draper, he found out that he would have been 43, and commented that Don looked remarkably good for a man that age. So, apparently, Don has been using his Dick birth year (very confusing how he's doing that, as he's apparently taken Real Don's birth DAY, but whatever.)
If Suzanne is pregnant, I think she would just "take care of it." If the affair rears its ugly head, I suspect it will be in the form of Danny getting in some sort of trouble and contacting Don, which will take a bit of 'splainin' to Betty. The old Don could easily come up with a cover story (picked the guy up as a hitchhiker, felt bad for him, reminded me of Adam, yadda yadda yadda) but will the new Don lie to Betty again?
Oh hell, I give up trying to predict what's going to happen! I'm at a loss to imagine how the next two episodes will be more dramatic and heartrending than this one.
I loved the fumbling, dropped cigarette detail – such a beautiful, heartbreaking moment. Death & rebirth.
And can I say that I provisionally retract every bad thing I may have said or thought about Suzanne. The scene of her trudging home in the dark with her suitcase and her purse was so poignant.
It's riveting and excruciating to watch someone drop their persona of control and display their vulnerability even when authenticity is desired as Betty does. It holds a mirror to the watcher's face and draws attention to your own phony facade. Now that one partner has been unmasked, will the other partner have the courage to be more authentic as well? They're both in unfamiliar, disorienting territory. How do they get back to orientation? How does anyone deal with the urge to snap back into a familiar role? The only certainty is that there will be another source of tension coming into play to drive things one way or another.
@ 49 Hawk- I don't see Don as whining. Betty asked him for the truth, and he told her. If anything, this was the scene at the wedding when Michael does a sort of roll call for Kay, and then tells her the story about Johnny Fontane's contract, and telling the bandleader "either your signitature or your brains are going to be on that paper." Don starts off telling the story the same way Michael did, cold and emotionless. Don does get emotional, but I wouldn't call it whining.
Deborah and all Basketcases (and aren’t we all basketcases after last night’s episode?!) — your comments make the experience of watching MM so much richer. Thank you.
I guess that Betty wants to let the kids in on the secret. My family had a similar dilemma in that era. When I was a little older than Sally, my parents revealed to me that my father had been married before (my mother and my older brothers knew but no one had ever talked about it) and that he had had 3 children by that marriage. They were a great deal older than I and lived in another part of the country and had been passed off as cousins with whom we exchanged holiday cards and small gifts. Shortly after this revelation we went on a trip to visit my half-sister and her family — she had 3 kids of her own, my father’s grandchildren, who were around my age. I had a great time with them, and we visited them again the following year, but sadly we never established a regular way of staying in touch or visiting. I don’t remember being particularly upset to learn that my parents had kept this secret but the more I think about it the more I wonder how they could have, and why they kept it from me when my older brothers knew and had met our half-sister as children?
Finally, that song. “Where is Love.†From the play “Oliver,†which I figured had to have come out around then, so I looked it up to be sure. The musical debuted in London in 1960 and premiered on Broadway in 1963. An orphan singing about finding love. Another orphan who may have finally found it.
Actually, both Don and Betty are now orphans and it is interesting that Betty's exploration of her own unhappiness began with her mother's death and is now so wrapped up with her father's death. We know that her brother is a total putz (gotta love him pounding on the door while she was talking to the attorney – it's clear all he does care about is that house; it never occurred to him that Betty might have a problem unrelated to the estate), so she really has no family anymore, just like Don. They only have one another, flawed as they might be, and she arranges the children around the table almost to reinforce that for him the next morning.
Yep, Betty’s in the driver’s seat.
I was struck by the similarity of the lawyer’s advice to her to the doctor’s advice to her last year when he told her she was pregnant. Her reaction was so telling. Frustration, anger, these guys just don’t get it. Does she have to do everything herself???
Apparently.
So, now she has to get to know and decide if she wants to love this new guy. He’s a stranger, living in *her* house. Loved that. It’s her house. Betty is asserting herself. The question is, now that Don gets to be the real Dick Whitman with her, will she get to be the real Elizabeth Hofstadt with him?
I fear we haven’t heard the last from Miss Farrell. Her last question, “Do I have to worry about my job?” is interesting. If Betty knew, in her frame of mind, she could have Suzanne fired on morals grounds. It would be messy though. I’m not sure Betty would actually go this far. But what if Suzanne ended up preggers? That would definitely put her job in jeopardy and make her a lot more dependent on Don. Either she keeps the kid, thereby losing her job because she is a single woman, or she gets rid of it, introducing a taboo subject to the show that has politely skirted around the issue.
The series ends on November 23. Plenty of time for Miss Farrell to get the results from a rabbitt test. Will Don/Dick have more to feel guilty about?
@ esme #33
How wonderful to take a character (Suzanne) that more than a few (tho obviously not all) did not have a lot of sympathy for and make her story so sad – even tho she knew how it would end – the end was so sudden, so unexpected.
How appropriate that the orphan Oliver asks about love.
In this episode I could see the dual love in Don toward both women, for very different reasons. Maybe she’ll be back, but I think it is more poignant if she is simply gone.
Putting her in the car while this intensely deep and emotional moment played about between a married couple was so well done.
Big truth and big lie at the same time.
True. The ending was the first time I've felt anything, good or bad, for Suzanne. I still think it was bad casting, or maybe bad writing, that left me so cold toward her, but at the leave-taking I think I finally got an idea of what Suzanne meant to Don: She was his last chance at an escape. All season (all series, really), he's been fearful of his past catching up to him. She was his way to get away. But now that the past has finally caught him, he has no more need to escape. She is superfluous to him now, but that doesn't mean he has no feelings for her. That's what made the last phone call so poignant. It was just like Roger on the phone with Joan: Just because it's over, and they both know it was never going to lead anywhere, it doesn't mean the feelings weren't real at the time.
I think this goes to the top of my list of best tv episodes ever. The scene where Betty confronted Don rang so true. I was so pleased that they both did the hard thing. Betty, who told her father that she was his little girl and wouldn't listen to his arrangements for his funeral, stood up to Don and demanded answers. Don answered more honestly than I thought he'd would. I see some hope for this marriage if they can learn from this and grow together. They'd be such an amazing couple of they can be honest and faithful to each other.
#26 minor point. I think Betty choosing to take baby Gene with the rest of the family trick or treating was another way of her telling him that they are a family and she's willing to give him another chance. It would have been so easy for her to just stay home with the baby, but she went, even when Don warned her that it was cold out.
Those costumes were just perfect. I was born in 1960, so I'm younger than Sally and Bobby, but they are just the kind of thing I remember my mom making for us.
CPT Doom – Funny, I reacted to the scene in exactly the same way you did, as a gay man recognizing Don's "coming out". I love the poster who commented on Don's toothpaste "purge" – I have several friends who literally threw up in the minutes and hours after coming out.
And I love that this was all revealed at night, and Don wakes up in a bright, sunny bedroom. It's like a weight is lifted off of your shoulders, but you need a minute to make sure it wasn't a dream.
Finally, I love your comment about how it is far from over – I know in my own life, coming out is a constant process. It is a constant challenge to reconcile the old and new selves. In Don's case, this revelation now adds a third layer of "self" – Dick, Dick as Don, Dick as Don as Dick/Don. As you mention, keeping those secrets and walls up leads to ingrained behavior. It becomes natural to lie to yourself and others. 7 years later, I still struggle to live completely authentically. Not to mention when people from my past show up and I have to explain myself.
This show is far from over!
Knit Girl – I thought the same thing about Betty taking Gene along to Trick or Treat.
This is the first time we've seen them out as a cohesive family unit since Gene was born.
I also love that, after several episodes of "where's baby Gene?" He reappears in this episode – like a rebirth for Don and the entire family.
Here's another Kennedy/Camelot tie in and maybe, although I hope not, shades of what's to come. The Kennedy's grew closer as a result of a traumatic event-the premature birth and then death of their infant. But this closeness was suddenly and violently destroyed by the assassination of JFK.
I don't think that anybody is going to shoot Don Draper as a season ending cliffhanger and I think baby Eugene is safe. This isn't Aaron Spelling, it's Mad Men. But if the connections to Kennedy/Camelot hold true-watch out Drapers. Will the affair with Suzanne become known? That would cause a big public scandal and could really, completely topple the Drapers. An affair with Sally's teacher? Betty might have to get that gun out again…no wait…that's too Dallas!
Still…the truth coming out has been a prevalent theme.
Again, I have to say that I hope not. I would rather see more and more of the Don and Betty of this episode. So, so good…gotta have more!
After this episode, Don's past and present affairs appear in a different light. When Annabelle hears Roger's protests that he's married, she justifies her advances by asking him to "tack on" a renewed relationship to their old one. Now we see that Don was carrying around the burden of the secret of his identity, which he "tacked on" to his secret affairs. It's no longer clear that the affairs were a reaction to his lack of connection/intimacy with Betty and the children, as the powerful scenes with Betty demonstrate. I think that's also the message behind Suzanne waiting in the car — riding along with him (and his identity).
That whole scene between Don and Betty was so Emmy-worthy for both actors, there was so much anger and control. When Betty challenged him that office, you could actually see him breaking in slow motion, especially when he realized that she knew about the box.
Deborah and Roberta, isn't this the episode they were shooting when you were out in LA? I seem to recall your mentioning two scenes that took hours…were you lucky enough to catch a glimpse? We know you've been sworn to secrecy otherwise…
I hope we get off the pregnancy theme for one season but I do think we are not finished with the Farrell family and their impact on Don. Yesterday's NYT had a piece on the MM set designer(s) with a mild spoiler hint I won't repeat here (good article otherwise if you haven't seen).
seagirl, it was two scenes from 10 and one from 11, and we thought they were all from 11 until last week. We saw Sally answer the phone, we saw Don calling Betty when the kids come up to say the driver has arrived, and we saw Roger and Annabelle's final confrontation in the break room.
Terrific episode – I guess, in the greater arc, I hope for redemption for Don and Betty – in whatever form it takes, but watching the breaking down and missteps…I guess I'm hopeful there will be redemption at the end of the story MW will tell weave for us.
and I'm always tired Sunday nights and I push myself to stay up for the 10PM eastern airing of the program..and then when it's done, I'm so jazzed up I cannnot sleep for HOURS. Mondays are always rough…
It would be just redundant and therefore kind of pointless for me to add to all the praise everyone has expressed above. Spinning Deborah's title a little, what more could I say? But my ego demands I try.
That was Art.
#72 Michelle Rafter gets at it. There is a complete synergy there of all the details – technical and creative and performance – that I've always enjoyed. I really shouldn't have been surprised by any of it but I was.
I almost (should have!) stood and applauded.
Melville- great insight into Suzanne & Don's relationship. Thanks for that.
I think the Farrells will re-emerge as another great test to the Don and Betty's marriage. But I give up predicting how that might transpire.
(Re: hobo & gypsy costumes- I can't tell you how many times I was one or the other for halloween back in the 1960s. And I loved seeing that sewing machine on the table. Does Betty actually have some homemaker skills we don't know about, or did Carla whip those up? My own mother, so very like Betty in so many ways, was an excellent seamstress, so maybe Betty is too. No cheesy store-bought costumes for us little Howells!)
Still trying to catch my breath! As far as I'm concerned, Matt Weiner pulled off a Hat Trick last night. He scored on The Drapers, Joan and Roger. And I'm on tenterhooks waiting to see the next two episodes.
I hope not another pregnancy — but this season finale is sure to change everything all over again.
I wonder if this will change Don’s perception of Sal, now that he too has been outed involuntarily.
Nearly every scene in this episode was heartbreaking.
I can’t add anything to what’s already been said, so I will simply note that whatever other sea changes Betty may seem to have undergone as a character, she still made that old man get up and close the door for her when she was the one who wanted to talk privately.
Oh, Betty!
#90 Roseyv, I saw that as a sign of Betty's newfound strength and assertiveness. She was sitting behind the desk (position of power) and the attorney is working for her. Loved the fact that she just looked at the door to convey her meaning and the lawyer did her bidding.
I also laughed at the facial expression JJ made when the lawyer asks Betty if she could prove infidelity.
I apologize if someone has mentioned this already, but I thought the most moving part of the episode was Betty's unspoken offer of forgiveness when she handed Don the remains of the hot dog from her plate just before they went trick-or-treating. He didn't refuse being fed, but just stood there and ate it. Without getting all Catholic/Christian about it, it was very sacramental, sort of eucharist and reconciliation all rolled into one.
“Our greatest fears lie in anticipation”
–Balzac
#46 we know that in the S2 opener, Don was 36. That means he (Dick Whitman) was born 1926 or perhaps 1925.
# 50 fogg Thanks for completing my thread, and correcting my hasty post. I didn’t dig out my dog-eared copy of The Godfather to follow the quote to its root.
Balzac it is… Wow check out some more Balzac Quotes
Rakesh, that's interesting. I see what you mean but I'm amused because I got a completely different vibe.
I don't mean this as anything but my personal feeling but starting where Betty leads him to the desk drawer and points, I felt the slightest hint that she was disciplining a dog who messed the floor.
I immediately thought of Hilton asking "what are you a dog?"
Then it faded for me as things opened up but when we came back the next night to the Halloween scene you mention I got the same vibe of feeding the bad puppy table scraps.
Polar opposite impressions, huh? Anybody get anything else, I'm curious.
There was so much going on, I'm not sure what I might see next time I watch it.
I still think the Draper marriage is doomed. Confession is cathartic, but you're still the same person afterwards. Don is still a philanderer at heart, and I don't think he actually loves Betty anymore, if he ever did. And it's pretty clear that Betty is only staying for now because she thinks she has no other options. Camelot is dead.
Less of me, I didn't see it as her disciplining him like a child or a dog. I saw it as her way of showing him she'd continue to take care of him. Betty did corner him and force him to spill the truth, but she's not exactly being raging or unpleasant with him. Considering she's just discovered a third of her life has been a complete lie, taking the gentle path seems a generous choice.
Donny, that's the conundrum, isn't it? Betty took Don back last time because she couldn't/wouldn't terminate the pregnancy and she needed the chastised Don. Is the lawyer's advice her excuse here? Or does she really want a new marriage with this man she doesn't truly know. Can she love him? And can he find what he needs and wants in her?
I have to admit that discovering that adultery was the only legal reason for divorce in NY in 1963, and that without verifiable proof, Betty wouldn't have a leg to stand on financially or in custody of her kids (although I highly doubt Don would take that from her). She has no physical proof of Don's prior affairs … but who knows what could be revealed about Ms. Farrell? And did Betty keep those letters from Henry?
Just re-watched the episode and noticed two tiny details that were sheer poetry.
First was Betty as she carefully, almost nervously placed her hand on Don's back as he weeps after explaining Adam's death.
Second, Don returns to the office the morning after the big reveal and I caught my breath when Don paused to looks for a moment at the name "Don Draper" on his office door. He had walked through this door, past that name hundreds of times, but everything is different today. Jon Hamm communicated so much in just that tiny gesture.
I think we are done with Suzanne. I think Matt threw in her brother as a red herring to distract us from what might really be going on between Don and her.
I think the brother got us bunny boilers to distrust Suzanne even more.
I think that albeit based on a fantasy it was true love –we didnt see it because we needed to see something nefarious.
But what happens now.how does Betty handle Don's charade at work?
Donny,
I don't really see a happy ending for them, either. I think they are simply incompatible.
Is it that
Sorry, the cat stepped on my send key:)
Is it that Don and Betty are incompatible or that Dick and Betty are incompatible?
If Don and Betty both want out, he could just not contest the infidelity "proof." That way Betty would get the kids and the house no muss, no fuss.
Season 4 might be about the Draper divorce and how they each forge new lives, which would be fascinating. And it would certainly give Roger some great one-liners.
HELPPPPPPPPP. The satellite signal was lost last night, and wouldn't you know, THE SCENE is missing. AMC is not running this episode (#11) again. I'm a technical idiot — is this episode available on YouTube — or what? I can't believe it . . . Three years of waiting, and 10 minutes is missing from the DVR.
Hideaway, do you have On Demand or iTunes?
Hideaway, it airs again Monday night, 11/2. (http://www.lippsisters.com/mad-men-schedule/#tvg)
No Aran, I agree with you. It was very adult and mature and believeable (though I wouldn't have thought Betty had the resolve in her a few eps ago) and I enjoyed that there was no melodrama, it was very honest.
That's why I chose the word "vibe". I felt it just under the surface.
Betty has the power right now and I think there was a subtle hint of . . . domination?? Master/pet, no?
There doesn't have to be rage, just a stern demeanor and an example of the bad behavior, right?
Lulu – Good eyes, I thought I saw that too first time through.
Same idea, different scene. I think it was in the office when she says she found the keys in his robe, they are standing in profile, and he glances to the right for a split second and it gives the impression he's searching his memory of the past few days to see if that's possible; to verify that she's not lying to him.
Like you said, poetry.
#77, I could not agree more. Suzanne's race is run. She was Don's respite, when he didn't know that what he feared was what he needed. Most of us live in ignorance of this, actually.
A recovering alcoholic friend of mine used to say, "We're sick from our secrets." When Don woke up after his truth-telling night with Bets, I saw a man who was on his way to well. He may not have even been aware of it, but he was already better.
Deb, I agree with this:
I have contended that Rachel was The One for Don because he told her the truth;
… But she wasn't the only one. Don told Anna the truth as well. I believe that he loves them both. I have also always contended that he loves Betty, whether or not he could allow himself to feel that love. Don does know what love is, but something in his early life has led him to fear it, to ration it carefully, even from himself. His fear of love is so much greater than anything he believes it might do for him.
We don't tell the truth to people we don't love, because they don't matter. We know on some level that they're not going to be with us in the long run, so what we tell them does not have to be colorfast. We can spin a story and be the girl (or the guy) in that story, with Mister or Miss Temporary, for as long as that spin lasts.
But the people we love matter. They have the goods on us, because we gave them those goods. I think Don realized this last night. At last, he
seemed to get it: She's my wife. She matters. Anyway, I'm too tired to keep running.
Beautiful performances by Jon Hamm and January Jones. Nice direction too, in an episode so good I thought I dreamed it.
And still another terrific post by our own Deborah.
Although their marriage is still in a crisis, I think Don and Betty have hit new ground. January Jones says in the episode 11 behind the scenes on the amc website, that she feels the reason why Don would always lie and step out behind her back is because he was afraid of telling her the truth, that she may not love him, or probably never did love him, but it was certain last night that Betty deep down loves her husband. How can a marriage work without honesty. Sure Anna Draper told Don that he doesnt have to tel Betty everything, but maybe he does. Maybe he needs that weight lifted from his shoulders to start seeing Betty in a different way. There has to be love there. He even turns his head to see if she is there when he wakes up, and of course she is not, and he realizes…Did I just dream this or did this happen. He also tells Suzanne, that its over, that is not a good time, and Suzanne sadly accepts that the affair was just that an affair…sort of like Rachel accepting that the affair was cheap, although of course since Rachel was rich she thought of the affair as a dalliance, and cheap, she was almost disgusted of how it turned out. Suzanne on the other hand knew it was going to end, but you could see she still felt bad and was human about it.
By no means are Betty and Don safe. I mean we still have his and her infidelity hormones a rushing, but I think they have reached a common ground were both can be honest with each other. We see Betty telling him for next weeks episode that she thinks they should tell the children. So who knows. I am also skeptical about the pregger rumors of Ms. Farrell. I doubt that will happen. With two episodes left we still have much more untouched ground. We still dont know if Roger will cheat on Jane with Joan again…which really I hope happens, because Joan and Roger are perfect for each other. They are each other's one, and Jane messed that up as did Joan who just ended things when Roger got sick. Also we still have Sal, and Pete and Trudy and of course the brits selling SC. I think the Drapers drama is over for now, but certainly there will be some more stuff to explore next season.
I have so enjoyed reading all these posts! I was as blown away by the writing and the acting in this episode as was everyone else, and as several people said, I was surprised that Don told Betty the whole story, or most of it. I was struck, in the confession scene, not by Betty's anger, but by her condescension, especially the line, "I knew you were poor, you've never understood money." Ouch. Pretty snotty, considering he brings home a lot of it (the large amount that she found in the drawer is clearly part of the reason she said that). I know The Big Question is "will they stay together?" or maybe it's "do they really love each other?" I have always thought that Betty was in love the image of perfection that Don and Don-and-Betty-together created. I don't know that I agree that she wanted Don to "let her in" – I don't think she is really seeking intimacy with him. When she confronts him, she's just pissed because he lied and because he was married before. Even after he tells her, she doesn't understand him – that his persona, that the lies and the false identity, are about not being loved as a child and his knowing that he's been faking it all these years. She doesn't really get it. At the end of the episode, she is willing to continue their relationship and their marriage, but I don't know that I think that is from love. I think Don loves Betty, but his philandering and his willingness to get deeply emotionally involved with other women makes his love less authentic and less deeply felt. I believe that he wants to be married to Betty and he wants to be a good man, but he doesn't seem like he is really capable of that. I happen to think that "successful" marriages have been built on less. So if the question is, will they stay married, I think so. If the question is, do they love each other, I think so. But is that version of love enough for either one of them? I don't think so.
Anne B – I agree that what we tell to the people we love "matters" but I don't agree that we only tell them. In fact, Don told Connie the truth (or some truth) about himself when they were just strangers standing at a bar. Don tells the truth all the time – he said in front of several people in this episode that he had eaten horse meat. I think it is much easier for Don to tell the truth (some truth) to strangers and to people who don't matter, because he is so sure that the people who matter, especially Betty, won't love him if they know the truth.
Cudos to #94 Donny! (although I don't necessarily agree that the marriage is doomed.) Mark my words, Don will be back with Suzanne within two episodes. These writers know that it's harder for a person to change than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. Don will never change! His script was written by the time he was six. And Betty will stick it out, for the aformentioned reasons. For a while, anyway. And by the way, This show rocks!
Although their marriage is still in a crisis, I think Don and Betty have hit new ground. January Jones says in the episode 11 behind the scenes on the amc website, that she feels the reason why Don would always lie and step out behind her back is because he was afraid of telling her the truth, that she may not love him, or probably never did love him, but it was certain last night that Betty deep down loves her husband.
I agree entirely, and see both her actions the next morning and when going trick-or-treating as meant to reinforce that. He admitted he assumed she would not love the real Dick Whitman, and that was the reason for his lies, so she displays the children in the morning, and insists on going with him and the kids to demonstrate that she is not rejecting him – his fear is not being realized. I think she also realized the night before that he was right – she is enough of a snob that, had she known the truth earlier, she would never have allowed a relationship to start. But Betty has grown up as well, and can deal with the ugliness of his behavior without destroying everything they've worked for – and for the first time she likely sees how important her own contributions have been to his success. It is her house – she has taken ownership of at least her part of their marriage.
In a weird way Betty has become (or maybe is becoming) the kind of woman that Don has been attracted to outside his marriage. Within the marriage Betty was the perfect dress-up doll and social fixture, but he never saw her depth and her independence. That's what attracted him to Mdige and Rachel and even in a weird way to Bobbie and Suzanne. Now he has at least some of that with Betty, and I would bet she will be more attractive to him now as well – certainly his touching her the next morning showed there is still a physicality to the relationship.
It reminded me a lot of the Edith Wharton book The Age of Innocence (Spoiler alert). In the book, Newland Archer, a rich New Yorker, has become engaged to the perfect woman – May Welland – fully his equal in social and financial standing and exactly the type of woman Archer is expected to marry. The only hitch is that he falls in love with her wildly inappropriate, not to mention married, cousin, Ellen Olenska. Throughout the book, even after Ellen has convinced him to go through with his marriage, Archer is concerned that there is no depth to May – that her strict upbringing and training as the perfect wife has left her without guile or even independent thought. He is rudely proven wrong when, at the end of the book, May uses their social standing and her family to effectively cut him off from Ellen and achieves the victory of winning Archer. It is a ruthless action on May's part, but proves without a doubt that she is not the wilting flower he thought. Years later he can look back on their marriage (May has since died) without too much regret, and I believe in part it is because his wife turned out to be much more like the woman he loved than he ever thought she would be.
That to me is a real parallel to the relationship between Betty and Don. I truly believe Don was worried there was nothing to Betty but her looks and her training as the perfect upper-class wife and mother. He knows now there is more, much more in fact. When Betty says to Don "You know I know what's in [the drawer]," it's obvious he does not know that; he never considered the possibility she would act so independently. I don't think he dumped Suzanne just because he "got caught" (and how little Suzanne understands exactly how right she is). I think he also dropped her because there is new interest in Betty for him. She is not at all the wilting flower he had at home in Season One.
Deborah, thanks for the information regarding alternate viewings for Episode #11.
#112, lovely analogy to Wharton's "Age of Innocence," so beautifully crafted by Scorsese.
this episode was about truths.
the truth is that Don stood in the kitchen and could have gone out the back door. but he didn't. he told the truth to Betty. His actions stated where his dignity could be found and it wasn't in a fantasy of a child-mother. Maybe he grew up a little bit, along with Betty. Not that people change in one moment, even when a moment may have changed their entire understandings of the world.
Her remark about him never understanding money was so pitch perfect. She sounded like her father. She undercut her own attitude toward her father when he wanted her to face the truth of his mortality, of her no longer being his little girl because she became the eldest in her family with his death.
She reached out to Don when he showed his grief. But the truth is also that she has to come to terms with who Don is. He's not the hero she invented. But his actions, his naked honesty (without the irony of the mistress in the car) were heroic, in ways that heroism is real – those things you do that because they are the ethical things to do. But Betty was still closed off to him because of her own anger and uncertainty.
Don went to Suzanne's the next day because a decent man does not break off with the mistress he truly cared about with a phone call. Maybe she was jogging to avoid that moment. She let us know, earlier in the episode, that she knows from experience she has to deal with this part of their relationship. That's a truth she told.
Roger was cutting in his truths to Annabelle. She wasn't the one. She wasn't Ilsa in Casablanca and he wasn't Bogart. He has moved beyond that past and it is never coming back.
Joan knocked Dr. Cut Up upside the head to tell him to face the truth that he is not going to be a surgeon and, oh yeah, she has had to face a truth that she did everything the way she was supposed to and how did she end up with this man – I don't think Joan is fully telling the truth to herself yet.
So glad Peggy could make me laugh this episode. It was intense. Honestly, Don's reveal to Betty just knocked everything else off the screen.
and…less of me… you really should take off the dog collar before the show starts. lol.
j/k 
really.
Woof, woof.
If the economy lags today, it is because of me.
No Work Gettin' Done.
Wasn't it fun to see Roger not looking so "foolish"? Just when you think it's blue. . . bang! it's yellow.
One thing that I didn't like about the scene was Don's inability to fully explain Anna and her role. I will watch it again and fully examine what he said about her but he did say that it wasn't 'romantic', I wanted him to explain what had happened when she (Anna) found him and found out that her real husband was dead.
I also want Anna and Betty to meet, I feel Anna is a much more confident speaker than Don is in explain himself.
#112
It's funny you bring up Age of Innocence because I saw it a couple weeks ago and thought January Jones would've made a good May based on her work as Betty.
I also found it quite poignant that when Don shows Betty the photos of Archibald and Abigail and reveals to her that Abigail was not his real mother, but the woman who raised him. His real mother being a 22 year old prostitute who died giving birth to him. The camera cuts to Betty's reaction, and she makes no judgement about that. I don't think at her core, Betty's as superficial and snobby as she may appear at times.
Pamela, I can only imagine that Don and Betty spent half the night talking about things, so maybe much more was explained.
A silly little point, but I was surprised to see Don brushing his teeth and then waking up in his pajamas the next morning. If ever there were a night for the Drapers to fall asleep on top of the bedcovers with their clothes still on, you would have thought this would be the night!
"I have contended that Rachel was The One for Don because he told her the truth."
Didn't Don tell Betty that his stepfather had been kind to him, in compare to his father and stepmother? And didn't he described his stepfather to Rachel with the same contempt as he did Archie and Abigail?
It was a fantastic episode. So much happened and they didn't overdo it. So very emotional and heart-breaking and cleansing.
I was happy to see Joan again and that vase… that was awesome. And I do hope that she would be freed of this joke of a husband of hers.
I hated the moment when Don went all sweet on the phone with Suzanne about only her thinking about his feelings. He forgot her in the car, for God's sake!
All in all, that was a perfect episode, the acting was SPECTACULAR.
And finally, as it was said before, you people amaze me. Reading this blog and all the thoughtful comments – it makes me relive the episodes again, think them through some more. Such a great place.
Well, that's the end of my first comment here
Was anyone else a little bit shocked to hear Betty say "I thought you were a football hero who hated his father?"
That just came out of the blue to me. Has there ever been a hint that this is what she imagined? (Well, the 'hating his father' was pretty obvious, and he did tell her once he wanted to kill him. )
Welcome Victoria! Nice catches there.
gypsy, I noticed that as well. What a back story for Betty to mentally create for Don … but all the same, I can see why she created it. He seems to have always projected big-guy, powerful, strong-silent, to her. I think that this is why her touch on his shoulder, in that heart-rending breakdown scene, was so tentative.
Betty's not used to a Don who is vulnerable. We will see how she adjusts to him this way. And if she can.
CPT_Doom: Aaaaeeeeiiiahh~ I hopw Betty is no May Welland. Edith Wharton was talking about the suffocation of convention on a man who got caught in its web, Archer adapts and his life isn't too bad. But he always sees May as possessing a "hard bright blindness". She simply refuses to accpt anything but the life her class has created for her. It leaves her a bit one dimensional and selfish. May redeems herself in his eyes when she tells one of the children that she realizes that what she made him give up came as great cost to him. But it wasn't her cuning deception that makes him soften towards her memory. It was that she is finally revealed to have had some empathy for him. He loved her but May was never "The One". Ellen was. That is why Archer couldn't go up to see Ellen in the final chapter. It's to painful to see the person you have invested so much imagination reduced to an old woman, their lives irreparably separated by social stricture and years. He had to make himself content with what he had.
Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Oddly enough, I don't see Betty as a May. The "hard bright blindness" has been stripped from her after last week. Remember the day of the eclipse with Henry? She felt dizzy from looking at the sun. Looking away made her weak. But this week, we see that she is nolonger shielding herself. And I think she even looks a bit relaxed. May was perfectly content to remain oblivious. It was her deliberate choice.
esme – I re-read #114. The Truth works for me. But I've got a few differences of opinion with ya. Put down the vase and put up your virtual dukes!
You said his dignity could be found but not in the child-mother, yet the put-on-your-pajamas, brush-your-teeth and go to bed scenes suggested to me Don is somewhat infantilized by the emerging Betty-UberWoman. Looks like a child-mother swap to me. (I may have mentioned I like Suze, no?)
And her reach out to him after the Adam story could be interpreted as more pity than love or concern. He struck a chord in her but I'm not convinced it's necessarily truly love.
And finally, how many nicknames does this website have for Dr. Harris??
Can we vote on one? Or do we just make up more as we go on here?
Dr. Horsemeat? Dr. McRapey AllThumbs? Dr. Greg Get-'em-outta-da-House?
Inquiring minds want to know.
(smiles)
BRAVO APPLAUSE BRAVO APPLUASE….but, and it's a little but.
He still wasn't fully truthful. Don made its seem as if the Miltary made a mistake that he took advantage of BUT he changed the dog tags himself.
That was very calculated especially in the midst of being blown up.
With everything he revealed; Prostitute, Poor, ADAM (soooob) he couldn't be real about that. I would have thought that even that tidbit would be make him more sympathetic. He wanted so much to be someone else that he switched them knowingly.
Though I'm sure this discussion between the Drapers went on & will continue to go on why did Don hold that back?
riverdaughter- Last week I meant to say I liked your Ibsen parallel, and your website. Go Steelers!
less of me: I agree. I'm not sure what Betty thinks of her husband. She is showing an unusual degree of compassion but how do you love someone you barely know? And what is she ultimately going to do about the situation? I still think Suzanne could be a complication that neither of them see coming. I think Suzanne will try to stay away for the sake of her job. She knows she's in big trouble if the affair becomes public knowledge. So, even if her heart is broken, I think she will keep her distance. But what if it's already too late? What if that train has left the station and Betty finally has incontrovertible evidence of Don's infidelity? Then what?
Less of me: Really? I thought I was the only one who was reading Ibsen in all of this. But then Betty called Don/Dick a "very gifted storyteller" and we're back to Peer Gynt.
I dunno. It's just a hunch. We'll see.
Glad you like the blog. My co-bloggers do a great job while I'm at work.
I agree so much with what you just posted but I have to run. Maybe I'll expound from home. take care.
less of me – that's not a vase in my hands, that's an accordion.
this one is for don: j'ai deux amours
actually, the doctors told me I have no fingers for accordion so I'm going to post on BoK instead.
Roger called Joan's big mahn Dr. Cut Up last night so I went with that.
As with all things Mad Men, the "truth" lies in plain sight, doesn't it? Don is unmasking himself because he chooses not to leave Betty, while, at the same time, his mistress waits for him. while he fibs a little about who made the dog tag switch – but that doesn't make Don's truth that he told any less honest or real.
Others see that brushing his teeth moment and see Don getting rid of the noxious secret that he held. others on here who have come out noted that some people, after they come out, throw up immediately afterward. the truth isn't easy to deal with sometimes.
it doesn't mean instant catharsis, beyond that moment of confession because there's the next day and the next day…
I don't know if Don and Betty have "true love." I don't know what "true love" is beyond the moments when someone acts in a selfless way because it reveals something about that person's view of another's worthiness – and that's not limited to marital love.
I think marriage isn't always "true love" because sometimes difficult things happen and people try to do the right thing because they share a history and family and that shared experience makes someone think about his or her actions in relation to someone else. That is, if "true love" is about the tingling feeling you get when you're with someone. but maybe true love is about the time when the infatuation wears off and fantasy can't compete with the reality demanding your attention. Even tho the fantasy may be much more appealing at the time.
I think married people fall in and out of love with one another all the time, over time. People enter into marriage as one person but life changes everyone and who you were when you got married is certainly not going to be who you are after three children and years of lies. So, those changes have to be negotiated in someone's mind to find the love and hopefully it's still there. Or it's not.
And Suzanne may well be back, so don't worry yet. Her brother has Don's number.
But her story and her presence was peripheral to the main event on the screen last night.
the title of this post was "I don't even know what to say," but you said it all perfectly. you really nailed all the emotions in that scene. thanks, out of all the articles that are written on Mad Men today, i really enjoyed this one.
# 91 Aran – I totally agree, Betty sitting behind her father's desk and motioning for the lawyer, who works for her, to close the door was a true sign of her coming into her power.
Also that look on her face when the lawyer asked if she could prove infidelity was priceless. Betty was being very pragmatic, she wanted to know her legal rights before confronting Don. Knowledge is power. She has come a long way from shooting at pigeons.
I think what Betty realizes now, and why she's so slow to show reaction, is that she's just realized what it means to be married. So has Don, but Betty's reaction is more complex, to me. Don's had his legs kicked out from under him, but Betty's doing something even harder: she's finding something under her she didn't know was there.
She's growing up. Finally.
There's a lot of hooey said here and there about eternal luuuuuuv and all that, but that's not what marriage is about. Romantic love just isn't that important; it's not that real. What's real isn't FALLING in love; it's LOVING. And love is something you decide to give. You don't "fall" in love; that's not sustainable. You DECIDE to go with this person, for better or worse, whatever comes up.
That moment when you realize that you don't have any idea what's coming up, that you're committed to something that you can't possibly understand fully yet: THAT is the moment when your marriage starts to mean something. That's when you realize that your worst fears can be realized and it won't matter; you're in it for good. A lot of people never get there. I think a lot of marriages break down simply because the people in them have never really faced up to what being married means, and they succumb to their fears.
We're fed a lot of hooey about how you're supposed to feel, and as a consequence the first time people start butting up against reality, they succumb to their fears; "it's just not working out". But that's what marriage is: working out the things that don't work out.
Betty's seen this. She's terrified, but I think she's committed to it now. She has finally thrown off the brain-dead princess Barbie doll ideal she was raised on. It's taken long enough! But Don is obviously a hard nut to crack, and she was an unusually frozen woman. Her growth in this series has been really hard to see, but now that it's out in the open it's rather breathtaking.
Good on ya, Bets!
Don's got a whole different route to grown-up-hood to take, but I think overall it's going to be easier for him than it was for her. He's going to have to learn how to stop lying all the time to everyone, that's for starters. It might make him a crappier ad man, but it'll make him a better man (one thing that tends to get lost in all the early-sixties Madison-Ave fetishism of the series is that ad men (and sixties men) are kind of horrible in general).
(Standing ovation)
Good on ya, Fnarf!!
Amidst all this heavy stuff about truth, identity and love, I was thinking about the Drapers' dog (does it have a name?)…
With Suzanne waiting in the car, Don covered expertly when Betty surprised him by by explaining he just came home to feed and walk the dog. (He's a smooth liar.)
But weren't he and Suzanne headed to Norwich (VT?) for a romantic getaway — presumably without the dog?
Maybe he just left the dog a big bowl of horse meat…
Speaking of horse meat, did anyone else notice the look that Roger gave Don after Don admitted in their initial meeting with Annabelle that he too had eaten horse meat? Roger, of course would never have eaten horse meat given his social class, and I found Roger's look very interesting. Remember he thinks that Don "is so secretive" about his past- Roger knows nothing about Don's past but he must still be curious about Don….
Dog's name is Polly.
Fnarf – on the other hand, if Joan's Doctor became habitually abusive, it wouldn't matter how much Joan loved him. That marriage would be toxic to her and to any children they might have.
she would do her children a disservice to continue to live with a man who abused her no matter why he abused her. sometimes people do not stop such abuse until they have lost what they claimed mattered so much to them.
and I absolutely disagree that people do not "fall in love" again at different times in their marriages. I know too many people who know exactly what I'm talking about from their own experiences. this may be splitting hairs but it's also part of reality.
Betty and Don's trip to Rome was a moment when this happened for them, even if it was just briefly. People need such moments to remember the reasons they came to love one another in the first place. Sometimes it's the birth of a child or the death of a parent or sometimes it's telling the truth. Why do people celebrate anniversaries or take trips away from their everyday lives?
But sometimes someone can betray another person to such a degree that they can no longer find the love because the ACTIONS of the other person are so unloving that it is impossible to negotiate that act – as in the idea of Joan and Greg noted above.
Well put, Fnarf. Been married 15 years, and I am light years away form being the person who stood in front of the altar and said, "I do." When I said those words, I didn't know what I was getting into. I think that's love. Not fantasy love where you sneak around or just show your best self, or one version of it, as Don does/did with Suzanne, Midge, Rachel. Betty has seen the whole picture, or nearly the whole picture, and as handsome as he is, Don Draper is no pretty picture. And yet she recommitted to it last night. And so did he. That's love. That's commitment. That's marriage.
Suzanne – on the thread for the epi last night I noted that horse meat is considered a normal part of the butcher's fare in western Europe, from Finland to Italy. If Roger had had any real experience living in Europe, he would likely have had horse meat, or at least not been shocked by it. Annabelle mentioned she ate it and, considering she was wealthy from birth it wasn't because of her station in life – and if she had lived overseas, it might not have been because of her father's company, either.
We have a cultural taboo against horse meat, along with England and Spain, sort of. But it is high in protein and low in fat.
I have that cultural taboo. When I watched my three year old niece eating horse meat… if I hadn't known what it was, I obviously would not have done the icky dance inside that that knowledge gave me.
Same thing with rabbit, another animal raised for meat in Europe. Could. not. eat. Thumper.
When my own son was less than two years old and we were visiting grandparents at Christmas, he found himself in front of a bowl of caviar (this sounds more expensive than it is overseas) and discovered he loved it – he took a spoon and ate it right out of the bowl. I didn't do the icky dance because I don't have an image of fish eggs as pets or fictional characters with emotions.
#140 thanks, Deborah, for identifying the Draper dog, "Polly" — the family's prop dog. A real dog would be lying on the floor with the Sally & Bobby when they're watching TV, lurking under the kitchen table waiting for crumbs when the kids are eating and whining to go out each time Don creeps in late at night. Even chasing Don's car when he leaves for work, since there weren't leash laws back then.
#143 Esme. I thought that Annabelle probaby had tried horse meat b/c of her father's company, but I see your point about Europe travel, so then why the Roger "look" at Don when he commented on having eaten horse meat?
a few comments on all the notes….Betty wore a serious dress because that was a serious morning. Don is powerful in his work,but not what he wants…he could easily take the cash and run away…some men like him need affairs or a soulmate to assuage themselves, for sport —something women do not grasp—
@128# Pete… You are spot on. Don Draper, given the chance to make things right, lies yet again as soon as he gets to the statement that "…they made a mistake."
Don was deceiving then, he is deceiving now.
Once, one could admire him for his ability to set and execute his agenda, professionally and in dominance of rivals with comments like…"It wasn't a lie, it was ineptitude with insufficient cover."
What remains is a deserter, with ever diminishing ability to control events.
my netbook played a trick on me. Do you really want the Hollywood ending? I doubt it. Men and women cheated in this decade…Betty reading The Group…is she more pure than Don? Don's self-centered nature? not mentioned much. He got caught and no way out, no escape, but he does want to escape..he is not crazy about his job, but it is lucrative. How many work at crappy jobs? for money?? we all do in some degree. Roger thinks he has achieved something and he is not ready to toss it away like Mona. Don and Roget both want the same thing…to rescue a young hot woman and to be admired by her. when you stop admiring them, it is time for the eye to wander. who wants to come home to a COLD atmosphere everyday? He married Betts b/c she was a beauty queen and he uses her as that–always needs to show her off when needed, but he is not free to be open with her….will be good to see if their relationship changes. Walter Mitty said, "Men live lives of quiet desperation." if women only knew this. Betty is not always warm to him and he has kept her in the dark for long time. he was heartbroken to lose the weekend of frivolous-ness with the skool teacher. he is self-centered. now for all those ppl downtrodden over the season's end, take heart, Br Bad will be back soon and you can catch up with the chemistry teacher….who would probably not cheat on his wife, but then again, how do we know?? MM is best TV show in my opinion.
Esme @141, I didn't say people don't fall in love; I said that's not sustainable. Falling in love is fun and all, but it's not what's going to build a real bond that lasts. That bond is intentional, not hormonal, and it's the result of work. Betty and Don are working furiously hard in that scene on the bed with the pictures.
Love is possible, but it's not sufficient.
The Rome trip was a disaster for their relationship, because it perpetuated the fantasy, and perpetuated the lie. The Don that Betty did her hair up for was the lying Don, not the real Don that was weeping on that bed. And that Betty is the Barbie Betty. Those people can have a sexy fling together, and they can have a charming romance, but they can never, ever have a solid marriage together. Romance gets boring after a while. Why do you think Don philanders so much? Because he's not getting any juice out of his play-acting wife. And vice-versa; Betty is miserable because her husband is a wooden mannequin who gets all of his joy and interest somewhere other than with her.
Joan and Greg are far from getting where Don and Betty are. Greg's not doing any work on their relationship; he's not doing fuck-all. Joan's carrying all the water there. And it's tempting to say she always will be; Greg looks like a guy who's never going to grow up. Maybe he will. I think she's doing her damnedest to bring him there. But at some point she's going to have to give up. I certainly wasn't suggesting that there were never any marriages that shouldn't be ended. And I cheered when she brained him.
Romance gets boring after a while. Why do you think Don philanders so much?
seems like Don seeks romance with his flings. he doesn't seem bored by it.
but another reason I think Don sleeps around is because he can and he thinks it's acceptable and maybe even celebrated among his peers as a sign of his sophistication and power.
iow, I think it was RARE for a man to not sleep around in Don's milieu.
LucyBelle – true, too, but I think that the characters are not entirely without any compassion and that confession last night was about real pain of letting a brother die because you're a social climber.
did anybody think Don leaning over the sink and the shot of his back looked like JFK leaning over the oval office desk??
#147,
I don't expect everyone to understand the importance of bending a little so that you don't break. But when you use the words "execute" and "dominance" in the same sentence, I have to wonder what kind of agenda you're projecting on a fictional character.
What Dick/Don has done in his past is finished. Don handled his wife's confrontation as any brave man probably would, knowing that she has already gone through all the items in the box. A con man might have spun more lies, but Don was tired. Managing lies is tiring. I would say, "try it sometime", but I really don't recommend this to anyone.
As for "controlling events": have you ever tried to do that? It's worse than trying to control other people. The harder you try, the worse it goes.
What I see when I look at Don Draper is a man who is moving on, along with his world. He was a deserter, once; but soon no one will care whether he was or not. Soon, in fact, no one will see any argument for going to war at all.
He's a good liar. In fact, he is a terrific liar, in a field that decorates its own veterans for that precise skill. Before last night, I had not seen that Don had much knowledge of the difference between the right times and settings for lies and truth. But he does. He knows where to invest his truth, and even with his back against a wall he knows which cards not to play. And he embraces the new, the different, in ways that others his age (men and women) do not.
Don Draper is now and will remain a survivor. I think Betty is one too. I see them surviving, even thriving, together or apart. That was this week's surprise for me.
@#147 Said: "He was a deserter, once; but soon no one will care whether he was or not."
UCMJ allows for punishment up to and including death for desertion during time of war. The assertion "…but soon no one will care" is telling.
Don Draper should find the honor to turn himself in. With good council he may pay his debit and then move on.
I'm surprised at the widespread approval of Joan breaking a vase on hubby's head. I mean, sure he deserved it and stuff, but given his personality and history I've spent many episodes worried for Joan, afraid that with all his professional misfortunes he'd end up lashing out at her and abusing her (again, more than we already know he did…)…
But now I'm thinking I was worried about the wrong person here. Yeah, the husband's creepy, but Joan bottling up all that frustration and acting as the perfect wife and then, with no warning or outwardly visible transition whatsoever, BREAKING A VASE ON HER HUSBAND'S HEAD ? I might be completely wrong on how much force that involves, I'd expect that kind of blow to land you in the hospital but he hardly even looked like it hurt.
Anyway, I completely understand where Joan comes from, and I can even get that she isn't going to change – being perfect is her Thing as it were – but God that's unhealthy. I could sympathise with her husband thinking she's crazy on that one.
As long as I'm on Joan, can any basketcases explain how it was like in those days to be the wife of an army doctor ? What kind of status are we talking, what kind of pay, what kind of daily life when the husband's gone for long periods of time ? At that time specifically, would Joan be quite worried Greg might die ? I mean, it doesn't seem to worry him much but Vietnam had already started, and Korea and WWII weren't that long ago.
What a wonderful post, Deborah, and wonderful comments everyone. I wanted to mention that the acting, writing and directing in the next morning and Halloween night scenes between Don and Betty were perfect. The silences and understanding looks between them were so real. There didn't need to be any dialogue to discuss the night before, Don and Betty were healing and growing together in those silences.
#50 You think Don has somehow lost his strength because he has what it takes to release the intensity of emotion he's been suppressing all these years? You think grieving for the youngest brother whose suicide HE was PERSONALLY responsible for makes him less of a man?
Dick Whitman, shaking with his cigarette as he makes a TRULY strong decision to tell the truth to the wife he loves, is more of a man than the constructed Draper persona could ever be. He's real. He's present. And he understands the gravity of what's happening around him. I forget when MW said this but I remember the quote, "When Dick gets in trouble, Don runs away."
Well, Dick didn't run away. He stood up and faced everything — his lies, his regrets, and the depth of his emotions, like a man.
(Yes, there's still more truth to be told, but we'll get there.)
"Limit your exposure" means be mindful of context — Be careful who you tell, if anyone must be told.
Betty had a right to know. And, as so many people have eloquently pointed out, her demands were some of the most called for, righteous, and brilliantly executed moments we've seen on the series so far. Betty doesn't want to hide her strength either.
There's nothing more cowardly than lying. Don Draper has proven that he is not a coward.
Victoria, I don't think Don forgot Suzanne. He just knew he couldn't go back to the car. I assume Suzanne saw all the house lights go on and figured he had company.
I can even understand his gratitude to her for still asking how he's doing, when (as you suggest) she has every reason to be angry with him. But if ever a guy needed a little sympathy, wouldn't it be right about then?
She continues to say she knows it's not for the long run and her behavior seems consistent with that. But I think we're all having a tough time believing her.
Is that a reflection on her — or us?
There is a perception that Don Draper has "stood up and faced everything". I can agree with this if we have a carefully parsed definition of "everything".
Everything must exclude:
1) The fact that the USA misidentified the dead body of Don Draper because Dick Whitman swapped dog tags for the express purpose of going AWOL. UCMJ Article 85 lays down the requirements for desertion, which may be the finding of an Army court marshal should he ever have such a trial.
2) That the Draper share of the sale of SC produced enough income to purchase between five and ten suburban homes. The Draper family commands adequate resources for the requested vacation home purchase.
3) His wedding vows meant nothing in the past, and even as he shared his sorrow of the death of Adam, his latest extra marital affair waited outside.
4) His direct actions resulted in the death of 1LT Draper, a significant omission of fact, which may lead to charges of manslaughter.
Dick Whitman's words are false, his actions worse.
Hawk, Betty asked about a vacation home in season 1, episode 5, and never asked again. The sale of SC happened in season 2, episode 13. Possibly, Betty lost interest, or was never interested in the first place.
yes. Hawk. Dick/Don is not an honorable person in many ways.
I don't think he was written with the idea that he is a "good guy" in the John Wayne does Green Beret mode. if he were, who would want to watch the show? Not me. It would be totally false, just as Wayne's portrayal was.
just as Wayne was outside of the zeitgeist of his time, a heroic Don Draper (tho I did call actions "heroism" – my take was about small "h" heroism) would be outside of the zeitgeist in a time that institutions seem so corrupt that they may fall from the weight of their own Daddy Warbucking greed.
in addition to his actions in the Army, he sells cigarettes, knowing the harm they do. he tries to get Nixon elected, knowing about the whole Guatemala/United Fruit thing and Nixon's part in sanitizing the overthrow of a democratically-elected govt.
We live in a moment in which our senses are assaulted by things we "must" buy, have, can't live without, need to keep up with the Wall Street Joneses. We live in a time when there is no regulation on the fairness of media and people lie with impunity. (hey, did you hear that that country, "Scandanavia," has become of cesspool of humanity since they allowed gays to have some equality?) with facts and stats and everything… even tho such a country does not exist?
iow – no, Draper is not a good man. it might be interesting to see, further down the road, his take on draft dodgers since he left when he got the chance.
Did anyone else notice how Don lit his 2nd ciggy with the first once they were sitting at the table? How very HOBO of him… I loved that acting detail.
I agree with PPs… this is Emmy-quality work.
I'll probably watch this episode again tonight. It was just that good. Bravo, MadMen cast and writers!!!
@ 124 gypsy howell
Was anyone else a little bit shocked to hear Betty say “I thought you were a football hero who hated his father?â€
That just came out of the blue to me. Has there ever been a hint that this is what she imagined? (Well, the ‘hating his father’ was pretty obvious, and he did tell her once he wanted to kill him. )
Gypsy, the only other thing I can think of that might splain why Betty thought Don was a football player was his comment when he hurt his arm in the wreck with Bobbie: "Old football injury."
It's thin, I admit. Maybe there's something else someone else dug up.
About Don eating horsemeat: didn't he once say his father was kicked by a horse? Maybe the stepmother had that horse slaughtered.
[...] said earlier that when Don leaves the pictures on the dresser he is finally [...]
On the horse meat question – Roger would accept that Annabelle would have eaten horsemeat partly as a Europe-visiting sophisticate, partly as professional interest. He wouldn't have touched it in Paris, as the food of peasants. For all-American Don to 'admit' to eating horse is like him confessing to Connie Hilton that he peed in car trunks, it's the sign of a poor, misspent past that would gross a snob like Roger out.
Or – Roger thought Don was lying to get Annabelle's approval.
It took me 5 days to finally watch the episode (which meant avoiding this blog), but the wait was worth it.
OMG, between learning about Roger's first love, Annabelle and him being honorable to Jane and their marriage, Joan finally knocking some sort of sense into her husband, Suzanne knowing her place in her affair with Don and the ULTIMATE, Betty confronting him about "the drawer" and Don telling the truth to her, I was just in heaven.
Only two more weeks until the season finale and the NYC viewing party with my fellow Basketcases. I'm so excited.