I have been seeing, on the Internet, an awful lot of Mad Men reviewers and bloggers claiming that Betty finding the box was inevitable; it was something we were leading up to for three years. Whereas I was shocked to my core, and not just shocked by the way the scene played, the brilliant tension of it all, but shocked from the other side of the fourth wall. Indeed, I simply thought they’d never do it. How could they? Like finding the one-armed man, it’s a series-ender.
And then there’s the Gypsy and the Hobo. Several Basketcases suggested that perhaps Betty would keep this information to herself, or run to Henry with it. I think it was simply much easier to imagine that than to imagine what we saw.
I cannot begin to count the number of false notes that were not played. This scene”sequence of scenes”would have been so incredibly easy to screw up. Or, y’know, just played a little less perfectly. We television viewers accept so much false confrontation, over-dramatic speechifying, and instant forgiveness that we forget that more is possible.
So. Much. More.
First of all, Jon Hamm is a miracle. He is generous, subtle, complex, malleable, an acting class, a gift. At this moment, I don’t even care that he is gorgeous and sexy.
Starting from the beginning of the confrontation: “It’s private!” You parents out there will attest that was a child speaking. “Don’t touch my stuff!” My special baseball, my magic rock, don’t touch it. You can’t! In that moment, Don Draper was stripped in a very ugly way, to his raw, demanding, childish denial.
And then Betty says she’s opened the drawer. No, she says he knows, he must know, that she’s opened the drawer. But he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know because his denial, his urge to fight or flight, is so deep that he cannot tell himself it’s too late.
The blood drains from his body, he puts the key down, he gives up. And in that moment, he’s broken.
Some smart Basketcase noticed that in the early episodes this season Don dropped and broke things a lot. A spilled ashtray, a shattered ant farm. It all seems like foreshadowing now; the dropped cigarette, the inability to pour himself a drink that elicits sympathy from Betty despite herself.
And then he speaks. Finally, he doesn’t say “what do you want me to say?” Instead, he says “Where do you want me to start?” That’s a huge difference, from ‘what lie do you want?’ to ‘how much truth do you want?’
His name is “Donald Draper,” he says, and for a moment there’s his strength, his power to charm, “but it used to be Dick Whitman” and it’s gone again. When Betty says “You took his name?” Don says “Yes” and looks right at her, and then can’t anymore, and looks into his drink. And then, when she asks “Isn’t that against the law?” he just can’t even try; the eyes stay in the drink. Panic, fear, shame, pleading; all there in the eyes that can and then cannot face this confrontation.
AMCtv
In the next minutes with Betty, he goes everywhere, says everything. He is humble, he is so painfully honest, he is so wrong-headed, so truthful, so broken and wounded and relieved and lost. And he weeps. Did you think he would weep? I did not think he would weep. After weeping, he brushes his teeth. We watch him spit out the toothpaste, then spit out the rinse. That’s a lot of spit, and the symbolism of catharsis is pretty clear.
And at last, he leaves the pictures out.
Can we agree that was brilliant? We’ve seen him, over the course of this year, remember and reminisce and chew over the past. But when he’s done, he carefully puts the pictures back in the box. So much a habit that he’s about to do so again, and then realizes he doesn’t have to. I think in that moment, right there, is when the peace began. He can leave the pictures out. He doesn’t have to hide them. There: There’s a picture on the dresser. I am a free man.
Okay, now I want to weep.
What made Don weep, anyway? Oh, I know, you’re going to say Adam’s tragic suicide and the way Don has never forgiven himself. But I’m going to go back a minute, and say it was simply the act of Betty saying his name. She says “Adam” and he looks for all the world like he’s been shot in the foot. OW. From there, it was only a matter of time. (I really wish I had finished writing the post about Don and Adam, it would have made me seem so prophetic. But I will finish it, so watch this space.)
And let us now praise how Betty is portrayed here, because she doesn’t let it go, the anger, the mistrust, and why should she? But she’s clearly very moved, and that confuses her. Is it another woman? No, wait. Is it a terrible crime, well, yes. My husband is ashamed? My husband is sad? She wanted so badly to be let in, and so there’s some of that too; as furious as she is, as horribly violated as she feels, he is letting her in.
When Don wakes up the next morning and sees the bed empty beside him, he is afraid. I think there’s a moment when he doesn’t know who he is, and I think there’s a moment when he fears she’s left him, and then we see her suitcases. She hasn’t left, she’s come back, there’s the luggage. At the same time, it’s an indication that she could leave. But he leaves the pictures on the dresser; whether she leaves or not, he’s spoken his truth, and things are changed.
Why do we love? There are so many answers to that; we love what’s familiar, what’s bad for us, what’s mysterious, what’s known. We love the Other, and we love the Mirror. But part of the nature of true love is that we love who we are when we are with our beloved. It’s what the minority here who are Suzanne-Don ‘shippers say: Don loves her because he can be Dick Whitman with her. I have contended that Rachel was The One for Don because he told her the truth; and that isn’t just a sign that wow, he really trusts her so he must love her. It’s “with Rachel I am the man who can speak the truth and be known,” and he loves himself when he is with her. That’s a very big deal. “You make me want to be a better man,” also means, ‘when I am with you I am better than when I am not with you.’
Betty: “I can’t trust you. I don’t know who you are.”
Don: “Yes you do.”
Anna reminded Don that he loves Betty. But in finally telling her the truth, he loves her more, because the freed man is who he is when he is with Betty.
Yeah, he loves her (AMCtv)
166 Responses to “I don't even know what to say”
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I'm surprised at the widespread approval of Joan breaking a vase on hubby's head. I mean, sure he deserved it and stuff, but given his personality and history I've spent many episodes worried for Joan, afraid that with all his professional misfortunes he'd end up lashing out at her and abusing her (again, more than we already know he did…)…
But now I'm thinking I was worried about the wrong person here. Yeah, the husband's creepy, but Joan bottling up all that frustration and acting as the perfect wife and then, with no warning or outwardly visible transition whatsoever, BREAKING A VASE ON HER HUSBAND'S HEAD ? I might be completely wrong on how much force that involves, I'd expect that kind of blow to land you in the hospital but he hardly even looked like it hurt.
Anyway, I completely understand where Joan comes from, and I can even get that she isn't going to change – being perfect is her Thing as it were – but God that's unhealthy. I could sympathise with her husband thinking she's crazy on that one.
As long as I'm on Joan, can any basketcases explain how it was like in those days to be the wife of an army doctor ? What kind of status are we talking, what kind of pay, what kind of daily life when the husband's gone for long periods of time ? At that time specifically, would Joan be quite worried Greg might die ? I mean, it doesn't seem to worry him much but Vietnam had already started, and Korea and WWII weren't that long ago.
What a wonderful post, Deborah, and wonderful comments everyone. I wanted to mention that the acting, writing and directing in the next morning and Halloween night scenes between Don and Betty were perfect. The silences and understanding looks between them were so real. There didn't need to be any dialogue to discuss the night before, Don and Betty were healing and growing together in those silences.
#50 You think Don has somehow lost his strength because he has what it takes to release the intensity of emotion he's been suppressing all these years? You think grieving for the youngest brother whose suicide HE was PERSONALLY responsible for makes him less of a man?
Dick Whitman, shaking with his cigarette as he makes a TRULY strong decision to tell the truth to the wife he loves, is more of a man than the constructed Draper persona could ever be. He's real. He's present. And he understands the gravity of what's happening around him. I forget when MW said this but I remember the quote, "When Dick gets in trouble, Don runs away."
Well, Dick didn't run away. He stood up and faced everything — his lies, his regrets, and the depth of his emotions, like a man.
(Yes, there's still more truth to be told, but we'll get there.)
"Limit your exposure" means be mindful of context — Be careful who you tell, if anyone must be told.
Betty had a right to know. And, as so many people have eloquently pointed out, her demands were some of the most called for, righteous, and brilliantly executed moments we've seen on the series so far. Betty doesn't want to hide her strength either.
There's nothing more cowardly than lying. Don Draper has proven that he is not a coward.
Victoria, I don't think Don forgot Suzanne. He just knew he couldn't go back to the car. I assume Suzanne saw all the house lights go on and figured he had company.
I can even understand his gratitude to her for still asking how he's doing, when (as you suggest) she has every reason to be angry with him. But if ever a guy needed a little sympathy, wouldn't it be right about then?
She continues to say she knows it's not for the long run and her behavior seems consistent with that. But I think we're all having a tough time believing her.
Is that a reflection on her — or us?
There is a perception that Don Draper has "stood up and faced everything". I can agree with this if we have a carefully parsed definition of "everything".
Everything must exclude:
1) The fact that the USA misidentified the dead body of Don Draper because Dick Whitman swapped dog tags for the express purpose of going AWOL. UCMJ Article 85 lays down the requirements for desertion, which may be the finding of an Army court marshal should he ever have such a trial.
2) That the Draper share of the sale of SC produced enough income to purchase between five and ten suburban homes. The Draper family commands adequate resources for the requested vacation home purchase.
3) His wedding vows meant nothing in the past, and even as he shared his sorrow of the death of Adam, his latest extra marital affair waited outside.
4) His direct actions resulted in the death of 1LT Draper, a significant omission of fact, which may lead to charges of manslaughter.
Dick Whitman's words are false, his actions worse.
Hawk, Betty asked about a vacation home in season 1, episode 5, and never asked again. The sale of SC happened in season 2, episode 13. Possibly, Betty lost interest, or was never interested in the first place.
yes. Hawk. Dick/Don is not an honorable person in many ways.
I don't think he was written with the idea that he is a "good guy" in the John Wayne does Green Beret mode. if he were, who would want to watch the show? Not me. It would be totally false, just as Wayne's portrayal was.
just as Wayne was outside of the zeitgeist of his time, a heroic Don Draper (tho I did call actions "heroism" – my take was about small "h" heroism) would be outside of the zeitgeist in a time that institutions seem so corrupt that they may fall from the weight of their own Daddy Warbucking greed.
in addition to his actions in the Army, he sells cigarettes, knowing the harm they do. he tries to get Nixon elected, knowing about the whole Guatemala/United Fruit thing and Nixon's part in sanitizing the overthrow of a democratically-elected govt.
We live in a moment in which our senses are assaulted by things we "must" buy, have, can't live without, need to keep up with the Wall Street Joneses. We live in a time when there is no regulation on the fairness of media and people lie with impunity. (hey, did you hear that that country, "Scandanavia," has become of cesspool of humanity since they allowed gays to have some equality?) with facts and stats and everything… even tho such a country does not exist?
iow – no, Draper is not a good man. it might be interesting to see, further down the road, his take on draft dodgers since he left when he got the chance.
Did anyone else notice how Don lit his 2nd ciggy with the first once they were sitting at the table? How very HOBO of him… I loved that acting detail.
I agree with PPs… this is Emmy-quality work.
I'll probably watch this episode again tonight. It was just that good. Bravo, MadMen cast and writers!!!
@ 124 gypsy howell
Was anyone else a little bit shocked to hear Betty say “I thought you were a football hero who hated his father?â€
That just came out of the blue to me. Has there ever been a hint that this is what she imagined? (Well, the ‘hating his father’ was pretty obvious, and he did tell her once he wanted to kill him. )
Gypsy, the only other thing I can think of that might splain why Betty thought Don was a football player was his comment when he hurt his arm in the wreck with Bobbie: "Old football injury."
It's thin, I admit. Maybe there's something else someone else dug up.
About Don eating horsemeat: didn't he once say his father was kicked by a horse? Maybe the stepmother had that horse slaughtered.
[...] said earlier that when Don leaves the pictures on the dresser he is finally [...]
On the horse meat question – Roger would accept that Annabelle would have eaten horsemeat partly as a Europe-visiting sophisticate, partly as professional interest. He wouldn't have touched it in Paris, as the food of peasants. For all-American Don to 'admit' to eating horse is like him confessing to Connie Hilton that he peed in car trunks, it's the sign of a poor, misspent past that would gross a snob like Roger out.
Or – Roger thought Don was lying to get Annabelle's approval.
It took me 5 days to finally watch the episode (which meant avoiding this blog), but the wait was worth it.
OMG, between learning about Roger's first love, Annabelle and him being honorable to Jane and their marriage, Joan finally knocking some sort of sense into her husband, Suzanne knowing her place in her affair with Don and the ULTIMATE, Betty confronting him about "the drawer" and Don telling the truth to her, I was just in heaven.
Only two more weeks until the season finale and the NYC viewing party with my fellow Basketcases. I'm so excited.