“He hated me. And I hated him. That’s the memory.”
I imagine that Gene Hofstadt was a shit to Don for many years. The first “he has no people!” seemed like a product of dementia or brain injury, but “that joker” sure didn’t. We don’t know what Gene might have said before, or even during, the wedding. That sort of behavior can build animosity that never fades.
And yet.
Gene never gave Don a chance, I bet, because Don didn’t answer questions (and I bet Gene was quite the interrogator), or have “people,” or buckle under. But I also bet that Don never gave Gene a chance.
Don doesn’t have a good track record with fathers. The first sign of harshness out of Gene, and Don sees Archibald Whitman. It seems to me that’s who Don really hates. Because “hate” is a harsh word, and maybe Gene deserved some lesser form of that (dislike, disdain, discomfort, some “dis” word), but Archie was violent and mean and a drunk, and I’m thinking that’s where the earned hatred truly belongs.
Don doesn’t hate every father figure. He seems to have good relations with Bert Cooper and, of course, Connie Hilton. But put the actual word “father” on it, and it’s obvious Don has issues.
Joseph Culp as Archie Whitman
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And brother issues too. He sent Adam away and also Betty's brother, William.
Family is in general a touchy subject with Don. He cut off all ties with his own family when he became Don Draper. He ignored Betty when she said to him at the end of Season 1: "I don't understand why my family can't be your family." He spent much of Seasons 1 and 2 trying to escape the family he created with Betty.
Yet we see him trying really, really hard this season to be a better husband and father and to have more of a "family life." Perhaps this is a reflection of Don getting older, or perhaps he is tired of running away, or perhaps both.
I wonder if Uncle Mack was any better of a father figure. I don't think think we've seen him in flashbacks except in season 1, when Adam was born and at the train station waiting for the body of "Dick Whitman." Would be nice to get some more insight on their relationship.
I didn't realize until I just looked him up, that Joseph Culp is the son of '60's icon Robert "I Spy" Culp.
It doesn't sound like Uncle Mack was all that much better. Remember when Don told Rachel:
“You told me your mother died in childbirth. Mine did too. She was a prostitute. I don’t know what my father paid her, but when she died they brought me to him and his wife. And when I was ten years old, he died. He was a drunk who got kicked in the face by a horse. She buried him and took up with some other man and I was raised by those two sorry people.â€
I think Betty's insistence on naming the baby after someone her husband hated is very hostile toward Don. IRL who would name their baby after someone their husband hated? Haven't all parents gone through those moments of… no, can't use that name because it reminds me of the girl in 7th grade who tried to slam my head in a locker, etc?
I find it really strange that Betty would do this to Don – force him to live with a child named after a man who hated him and vice versa.
At the same time, Gene told Don, during the first "stroke visit" that Don had no idea what he had – that Betty was a princess, etc. so maybe Betty wants Don to hear those words when he sees their child.
whatever the reason… very skeetchie if you had to live with that.
Yet we see him trying really, really hard this season to be a better husband and father and to have more of a “family life.â€
And I think, hard in a way that is more authentic than the beginning of S2. Then he was in his grampa sweater and kind of grumpy and resentful that he was home. Now he's actually participating, going to Sally's school events, posing in a family photo; it's not perfect, it's not even very good, but it's a real effort.
Haven’t all parents gone through those moments of… no, can’t use that name because it reminds me of the girl in 7th grade who tried to slam my head in a locker, etc?
I think I said the exact same thing in the Open Thread. My first husband was a Junior. When his parents were on their way to the hospital for labor with his younger brother, they realized they hadn't picked out a name, and they just mentioned names until they got to one that didn't cause either parent a bad memory.
The thing is, from a FIL's perspective, there should be a lot of things for Gene to have admired about Don, assuming he didn't know about Don's philandering. (I suppose that's a big IF, but if Betty hadn't figured out, how would Gene have known about it? They did live in different cities after all.)
Don truly was a self-made man, albeit with another man's name. With the possible exception of touting a college degree he doesn't actually have (do we know if he's passing himself off with Real Don's degree? Wasn't Real Don an engineer or something, anyway?) everything Don has achieved, he got all on his own. No family connections, no money, no college education, no anything. Just a fresh start with a new guy's name and social security number. Heck, even that purple heart was something he earned, even though it has Donald Draper's name on it. It would have said "Dick Whitman" if Don hadn't switched his dog tags. He did end up injured and in the hospital, after all. That wasn't faked.
You can tell by comments he drops here and there that he's pretty well read, despite his childhood. I doubt if Abigail or Archie ever read HIM a book as a child or provided him with any kind of education at all, so that part he picked up all by himself.
And he is obviously a talented writer. That's something he developed all by himself too. (I'd love the know the backstory of how he went from used car sales to writing for the fur company to getting in the door at SC.)
Even though he stole another man's name, his success is really Dick's success, not Real Don's success. Funny that he doesn't seem to view it that way.
Betty knows enough about his childhood to know that he grew up in real poverty, financially and emotionally. And yet here he is, making big bucks, providing a nice life for his family, at least in terms of material stuff. You'd think Gene would have had SOME admiration for that.
Changing the subject slightly, I felt a tremendous breakthrough in the final scene of "Guy" –as if Don had a moment of self-realization when he blurted "I hated him and he hated me!" Who are you talking about, Don? Gene, or Archie, or both? At that moment, I thought he truly realized for the first time that you don't have to be defined by the name your parents gave you, and that you can transcend whatever baggage your parents attach to your name. The final scene with baby Gene was the culmination of that moment of clarity.
That's how I read it, anyway.
Sorry for the ramble!
BTW, nice piece of casting for Archie – he really could be Don/Dick's father, by the look of him.
I always got the feeling that "Uncle Mac" was a euphemistic way of referring to the man that Abagail took up with, not necessarily an actual relative.
As for why Gene and Don didn't get along, I found sort of puzzling once we found out more about Gene. You'd have thought that Don was precisely the sort of man Gene would have liked (clearly being unaware of his stolen identity and all), especially for Betty. Don, on paper at least, is handsome, intelligent, self made, and a veteran. What's not to like?
Surely Don could have created a backstory to placate Gene's concerns about his past. He was an only child. Parents died young. No other family. The Hofstadts probably would have felt sorry for him being so alone in the world and welcomed him into the family with open arms. And where Don seemingly divulges random bits of Dick Whitman's past to every stranger he meets, he seems to go out of his way to keep Betty (and her family) completely in the dark about even the most innocuous and generic bits of a past?
I think it's just as insensitive of Don to expect Betty to defer to his wishes on the baby's name. Her father just died. Best plan was probably to wait it out a bit and just start calling him Scotty. Don probably planned to do that until Sally's issues brought it all to the forefront. Sadly, "he hated me, I hated him" isn't exactly good debate strategy just at that moment.
Basically, this is the inconsequential fight where they're dukin' out all the issues in their marriage. Since neither is good at communicating, nor especially keen to compromise, it doesn't bode well.
And where Don seemingly divulges random bits of Dick Whitman’s past to every stranger he meets, he seems to go out of his way to keep Betty (and her family) completely in the dark about even the most innocuous and generic bits of a past?
But actually, Don does tell Betty stuff about his childhood. I rewatched the episode recently where Don & Betty are picnicking (the scene where they leave the trash)– Don is telling Bobby and Sally about growing up on a farm with an outhouse, and feeling his way along a rope in the dark. Betty just kind of smiled at the story, as if she's heard it before, or it's no big surprise to her. Don's mentioned several times throughout the episodes that he grew up on a farm, and his father died when he was young. So Betty does know SOME stuff about his background – certainly enough to now that Don grew up in much more impoverished circumstances than her own. Face it- he must have created some kind of backstory for Betty to fill n the gaps.
(I had this wild idea last night that Betty knows much more than we think about Don's background. We assume she doesn't know anything because we hear so few conversations between them about it – it'd be ironic if she knows much more about it than we do!)
In Hobo Code, Don comes home and says to Bobby "I will never lie to you." Matt says that's where all subsequent revelations come from. In episode 1.02, Betty didn't even know whether Don had a nanny. But once Bobby was old enough to ask questions, Don answered them honestly.
I feel for all parties in this.
Gene (father of the cherished little girl) might never have seen any man as good enough for Betty — but Gene, the man's man, would have sought some kind of common ground with Don. I can't imagine Don responding warmly to that. I think Don proved such a cipher to Gene that their relationship was probably doomed from the start.
Betty might have had an image of her lonely husband finally finding his family in her own. I don't know if she understood what it's like to be hurt so badly that family isn't something you seek, never mind know how to build. I'm not sure she knows even now. This, I think, is one of the sources of the anger we see in her.
As for Don …
You know, there's this thing people say now. "Children are resilient." Most of the time I agree with them, but there are times I wish they wouldn't say that.
Yes, children fall and get bruises and bump their heads and recover fast. They're up and running again. Once, I saw a little girl start laughing, when her tears from hugging her father goodbye were still wet on her cheeks.
Watching kids can make us adults believe a lot of things. Not all of them are true.
I think it's possible to hurt a kid so badly that you break his or her faith. In you, first of all — but in other things too. In the idea that there's order in the universe. In mothers, fathers, God, love itself. In the need to listen, to reach out, to care for yourself, for others.
I think it's possible to hurt a kid so badly that you force him or her to get away fro you, as soon as possible, just to allow that kid to start piecing things together, in peace and alone: what makes sense? Whom can I trust? What really is true? What is not?
That's where I think Don has been, ever since he became Don. Piecing things together, by himself, in peace and alone.
Gene violated Don's fragile peace by taking offense to it, trying to invade it, see behind it: to Dick's dead world. If he'd known what was back there — cruelty, blood, death — he probably would have left the kid alone. But he didn't know any better, and Betty didn't either.
It's a great loss, all around.
You choke me up.
By the way:
Another great discussion-opening post, by the great Deb.
It's all kind of confusing–in "Ladies room," S1, Betty asks Don if he was raised by a nanny. He demurs, and she says "you mean your parents are responsible for all this? I should thank them." Was that just being coy, or did she not know that his parents were dead? It seemed to imply that she knew nothing about him, but there had to be some explanation for why he had "nobody at their wedding. nobody" as William said. Betty also says "he doesn't like to talk about himself, and I know better than to ask" when Roger asks him for his story in Ladies Room.
Also, it's not like Betty didn't know about Don's cheating–she was just deeply in denial. it shows when she's talking to Francine in S1 about Carlton's cheating. "Maybe he's throwing you a party." But by the last episode, she's playing her double agent psychiatrist against Don, to let him know that she can smell the perfume, recognize that he's not making love to her, etc. She's not dumb, she's numb. Gene just articulates that which she and Don have swept under the rug to preserve appearances and their marriage. His dementia-induced outbursts were hardest to ignore, though it seems as though he always said harsh, hurtful things under his breath, which is probably why he and Betty fought a lot (according to William, they fought). He would fine small talk, so he must have told her she was being vapid. He also says what's on his mind (unlike Roger), telling her she's committing suicide with cigarettes, smoking like a chimney, etc. Even jocular phrases like "How's Babylon?" sound more like an insult than idle chit chat.
It almost seemed like Betty was going to throw it in his face that he "has no people" so how could he understand about the baby's name. I was more surprised that she held herself back, even when Sally came in. I thought she would scream at her.
Something is building up with Betty, I don't know what, but the show making Don father of the year after all the non-fatherly crap he has pulled is weird to me…
The thing with Don is, not only does he not have family, but he doesn't seem to have any friends. It's one thing to be an orphan, I think. The Depression, World War II, Korea, all within a few years of each other, probably left lots of people orphans or with diminished families. But a grown man with no friends? That's suspicious — particularly for someone like Don, who on the surface, based purely on his resume, should probably have army buddies, frat brothers, golf pals, guys from work with whom he has a drink, etc. He's handsome, intelligent, humorous, successful — the kind of guy people want to be associated with, yet he's got no running buddies. That's odd, and would certainly cause me to raise my eyebrows if I met someone like that.
Fathers are not dumb. They can see through the best of disguises and know that the guy eying his daughter is a joker. Even Mr. Menken, who only met him once, could size up that situation: "He's a little too dashing…I hope you know what you're doing…"
I think Gene had a right to be suspicious of Don, even if he also secretly admired the man he was on the surface.
I still think the real issue with the Baby Gene name is not wanting his newborn named after a dead man. Sally loved her Grandpa and even she was disturbed by it. The word "hate" between Don and Gene does seem too much. They had an edgey relationship but it never quite struck me as hate-filled. I just think for Don carrying a dead man's name really haunts him. Of course he can't explain that part to Betty.
Also, I really don't find it unreasonable for Betty's family to be concerned by Don having "no people". They are suspicious with very good reason. Really Betty is the naive one who has no idea her husband has been commiting identity theft for the last 10 years or more. Of course, we sympathise with Don's backstory but it doesn't mean Gene was "a shit" because he didn't trust Don. Why should he? Don IS a liar.
falafel, I think if you tell someone to their face they're no good, if you talk about them in their presence as if they're not there, if you pointedly undermine the rules they set for their children, you can fairly be called a shit.
I don't imagine Betty realized how deeply Don's dislike of Gene was – I certainly didn't. She probably thought it was just the usual tension and bickering between in-laws.
My family has a long tradition of naming children – especially boys – after grandfathers and great-grandfathers. It's just assumed that when an older man dies, some kid is going to get named after him soon. If it had happened in my family, "My father just died" would automatically trump "Yeah, well I didn't like him so much."
Anna should have taken up his offer to be his cousin at Christmases and events. It is strange that he never had and doesn't have friends. It must be so lonely being Don Draper. I wouldn't want to be him. I mean, sure, I'd be a stone fox, but I would have no one to talk to. He is probably afraid of being intimate with anyone, because he carries so many secrets, but there's levels of friendships–yet he can only have arms-length colleagues and sexual partners. Probably that's why he has affairs–it's hard to have your entire world be your wife and kids. Just as Betty needs an outside life beyond the one at home with the kids (really, thank goodness for Francine, and too bad she drove Sarah Beth Parsons from her life), Don needs a life outside of his work and home.
Meant to add – "His name is Eugene" was a nice echo back to "His name is Dick."
My hunch has always been that Gene Hofstadt was self-made, too, and that any old money in the family came from his wife's side of the family. (Philadelphia's leading families were not by and large of German descent.) This happened a lot in old-money circles: the daughters marry down, i.e. gardeners, greenskeepers, ski instructors, and the fathers elevate the sons in law so the daughters can have what they are accustomed to. (Sabrina in reverse.)
Gene saw too much of himself in Don. Gene probably doesn't have people, either, but he was able to be snobbish about it because Betty's mother provided her with bloodlines. Gene thought by marrying Betty's mother and becoming successful at business that Betty would marry someone from the Main Line. Instead, she didn't find a husband at Bryn Mawr but went to NY to model — a profession frowned upon by her mother — and married a mystery man.
Anne B–What a sensitive analysis of the Don/Gene conflict. Something tells me you are a wonderful parent
I, too, think many times people ovestimate the resilience of children because kids lack the articulation necessary to tell us what's truly going on, even when everything looks outwardly fine. I know from my own experience that, yes, there are indeed some things you can never get over,
and I also think that distancing, i.e. "running away" is often given a bad rap, implying people don't want to face their problems. For some of us there is no choice but to get away as soon as possible from family because the hurt they inflict is so damaging to the self, you have no alternative. I knew at 14 or 15 that this is what I had to do, and only years later was that choice corroborated. It's very lonely to know that distance and solitude are what is required to become whole, and the earlier one realizes it, the harder it is, as you usually don't get validation for making that choice. But it is absolutely essential.
Some of us are lucky in where the cosmos landed us; others of us, of which I include myself, like Don, have had to raise ourselves. BTW maybe it's no coincidence there's this buzz going on between him and Miss Ferrell (which means wild); both of them lost fathers early and Don in effect raised himself.
Don is a paradox; he's outwardly stong, but, as we're increasingly seeing, internally fragile. Taking Gene in was an enormous risk for him personally because as you said, he needs a sanctuary where he can work out all his inner demons. You can just see how when Betty's relatives came en masse how difficult it was for him; a person with Don's complicated inner life needs a separate peace somewhere. So yes, I think Gene absolutely was an intrusive presence in Don's view, and, unfortunately, even if he had known about Don's tormented past, I don't think they would have ever bonded. Despite their both being self-made men, Gene's just to hale and hearty and unsubtle to ever really comprehend who Don is.
But that wasn't my point, Deborah. Gene didn't display animosity towards Don just for the sake of being "a shit". Like Weiner often says; people have reasons for the things they do. Gene didn't trust Don but since Don is lying about his past, Gene has reason not to trust Don. It's not like Don is the innocent party being falsely accused by Gene. From Gene's pespective he is just being protective of his daughter. Plus Gene is old and scatty; I got the impression he wasn't very good at articulating is unease about Don.
Sometimes, there are just people who's basic chemistry clashes, and they're never going to like each other. Which is also a possible explanation for the Gene/Don animosity.
But on the issue of Don's childhood and how it has affected his ability to be "fathered" as well as be a father, you know there have been studies done where kittens have had one eye sewn shut for a long period of time, and when the sutures are removed, the cat is blind in that eye because the brain neurons (?) weren't able to fuse together properly. Once that chance is lost it is lost forever. That applies to relationships as well. Babies left in cribs in overcrowded orphanages, when later adopted simply cannot form proper bonds with nurturing parents, no matter how much love and affection they are shown. People can adjust and recover to a point, but they're not always able to live up to their potential sans childhood neglect or abuse.
I still wonder whether Don is even capable of truly feeling anything?
I can see any number of reasons why Gene would hate Don. Why does Don hate Gene? Probably because he sees through him. Gene never drank the Koolaid re: Don, never bought into the image. Don feels exposed, and we know how much he hates that. I mean, yeah, he has Daddy issues, but don't think it played into his relationship with Gene all that much, myself.
I think, as Helen Bishop says above, that Anna Draper is Don's only friend. The thing that struck me about the interaction between Don and Joan in the hospital waiting room is the genuineness in their regard of/for each other. It was, however briefly, a person-to-person rather than a role-to-role moment or affection and respect.
Maybe that's how Joan stays in the show–as Don't friend and confident? Probably not.
Don did not want to join the country club because they would vet him, and possibly dig up things he had not told Betty.It is why Tony Soprano never had an EZ Pass.
his father-in-law calls him a "joker". It's a card that can be anything you want it to be…
I think Betty realises, perhaps at some instinctive level, what annoys Don so much about the naming of his child. Her retort of ‘It’s what people do’ echoes Gene’s extremely perceptive criticism about Don that ‘he has no people’.
Although they seem to be getting on better this season Betty has subconsciously admitted to herself a few things about her husband’s oblique personality namely- ‘he’s never where you expect him to be’. This knowledge has given her an edge over him. Season One Betty would never have held her own over the name like that but here on some level she is using it to really push Don’s buttons by saying:
‘It’s what people do. It’s how they keep the memory alive.’
Translation:
‘This is what’s wrong with you. You have no family, no grounding in conventional behaviour and therefore no idea how to behave.’
It’s a bit like her being passive-aggressive at him through Bobbie ‘he’s a little liar’ but this time it’s through Sally ‘she’s a kid-she’ll get over it when are you going to’. This may make her an awful mother (although a very believable one) but then we could argue that Betty is as lacking in grounding as Don.
I think it’s in Notes on a Scandel by Zoe Heller that the line ‘being a good parent is easier when you’re acting it for the other parent’ comes up and this is true of Betty.
Example: In ‘Three Sundays’ , she tries to send the children to bed at seven after Bobbie breaks it and there is a very telling moment where Don points out that they haven’t had supper and it’s early. Betty is forced to go downstairs and feed them, however much she wishes to pretend that for now, the children don’t exist. She is playing the part of a mother for Don (who holds her up in ‘Shoot’ as the perfect example of the mother he never had) because as she says at the end of season 2- Don is what holds her down.
Betty, who has had people and knows what she should do, how a mother should behave, cannot do it. Even at her most maternal she seems awkward with the children, as though she is slightly afraid of them or playing a part. In the scene with the Barbie she is really trying but she can’t manage to keep her patience or understand Sally.
In a way Betty is looking in on her life, trying to get into it, as much as Don is but without his avenues for escape and in Season 3 we can see her resenting this more and more.
She does the majority of the childcare whilst her husband ‘comes home and gets to be the hero’, he can pick and choose when he parents. What is more upsetting for her is that he is good at it; as a parent Don is more instinctive, more natural even though he is a liar who has in the past been absent. Betty cannot forgive him for this. All she has over him is the fact that she has a family and now, by naming the baby Gene I have a feeling she is almost trying to make him feel like an interloper in his own, just as he’s trying to get in.
Poor Don. But also poor Betty and most of all- Poor kids!
hullaballoo,
Having disagreed with you about Season 3 yesterday, I must say I am in total agreement with you on this one. Gene was very protective of Betty and must have picked up that there was something “wrong” about Don.
Indeed, as it’s mentioned upthread that it would have been easy for Don to come up with a sympathetic backstory, the inference to be drawn that Don decided not to do so, and to brush the issue off, as he did with Betty. Gene — unlike almost everyone else in the world — is on to Don. And unlike Anna, Gene would have used the truth against Don.
So no wonder Don hates him. Gene was standing in the way of what Don fooled himself into thinking was the perfect life.
I didn't see Marjorie as Peggy's friend. They seemed to have a rather adversarial relationship, in fact (arguing over the phone bill), and just be housemates. I feel sorry for Peggy; I was hoping Kurt might be her gay boyfriend or Smitty her boyfriend boyfriend but judging from last week when Peggy was a wallflower at the party, that's not gonna happen.
“The thing with Don is, not only does he not have family, but he doesn’t seem to have any friends.”
That’s true, he really is a complete loner. The closest he comes to friends are the women he sleeps with on the side, particularly Midge and Rachel. Although last season Crab seemed to want to befriend him when he invited him to join the country club, but of course Don was uninterested.
Same with Peggy, where are her friends?
JS, Peggy was friends with Marjorie, her roommate. I imagine that living situation ended when she was hospitalized for so long, especially given the lie her mother told. Perhaps she and Marjorie are still friends. It’s quite obvious Peggy can’t be friends with anyone at the office; she’s neither one of the girls nor one of the boys. But perhaps she is still friends with Kurt. That’s a touching thought.
I agree with everyone who said that Betty is essentially daddy's little girl, and no one would be good enough for her. Honey Fitz didn't care that his daughter Rose was marrying a wealthy man who would be able to provide for her. Joe Kennedy wasn't in the same class as his little girl, despite the fact that the two families had summered near each other for a few years.
Don was probably worried by some fairly innocent questions of Gene's early on when Don started dating Betty. Gene noticed the reaction, and was troubled by it. I also agree that Don has a lot of father issues, and all of them came up again with the introduction of a father-in-law in his life.
I think most of the problems Don has being a father to his children, is that he doesn't know how to be a father. He knows what not to do, but sometimes is at a loss for what to do. Mostly, he lets Betty deal with the children, unless he thinks she's wrong. His method seems to be, when in doubt, defer to Betty. Don is trying, which is good. I can't wait to see Don and Betty dealing with a teenaged Sally.
@ 42 Joyce- I keep waiting for Kurt and Smitty to introduce her to their friends in The Village. She likes Dylan, is willing to smoke pot at the office, and was still willing to spend time with Kurt socially, even after finding out he was gay. What are they waiting for?
Smitty probably cooled on Peggy when she wouldn't go to the roof with him.
Same with Peggy, where are her friends?
Indeed! I’m drifting off-topic here but it has been really striking to me how isolated Peggy seems in S3. She doesn’t fit with the men or the women at Sterling Cooper, nobody at SC wanted to be her roommate, nobody asks her to lunch or includes her in any present buying. I think Peggy wants friends but she’s becoming a misfit.
I think Don fears any sort of intimate friendship, even though everyone wants to be his friend. Roger has jokingly attempted to find out more about Don but seems to have accepted that he won’t get anywhere. Pete idolises Don and wants to be his best friend, but Pete is a world class snoop who knows too much already. Cooper relishes and respects Don’s mystery. Peggy and Sal won’t ask Don questions in return for Don keeping their secrets. Don’s relationship with Connie should be interesting. Connie made friends with Don when he was in his Dick Whitman persona. He’s already noted that Don Draper is percieved differently.
SFCaramia,
Everyone I know who “left home at 17″ (or thereabouts) had a damned good reason for doing so. I have met quite a few of them by now; they are often the most capable people in the room.
They tend to wait a good long time before they have children of their own, but when they do, they’re gangbusters. Still, when you carry the team at work, good luck getting any time off.
I am so sorry you had to raise yourself. It seems a high price to pay for insights as sharp as yours.
((hug))
The husband's relationship to the father-in-law is fraught with difficulties. I know that my own recently-deceased father-in-law was very judgmental toward all of the men in his first and second families. I felt that I was only supported to the extent I took care of his little girl. I was compelled to trumpet my successes, and minimize my plights. It's an age-old difficulty–even if the mother-in-law vs. son-in-law occupies a broader dramatic stage.
#15, I have also wondered about Don’s friendships, or lack thereof. He and Roger had a friendship of sorts, but it was fundamentally a business relationship with some frat house humor thrown in — it was not the sort of deep friendship where one bares one’s soul. Indeed, the one time Don and Roger had a serious conversation, which Don really did not want to have to begin with –in Six Month’s Leave — it was used against Don by Mona, who blamed Don for inciting Roger to leaver her. I suppose there were elements of friendship in some of his relationships with various mistresses, but when he opened up to Rachel Menken and asked her to run away, she threw him out. Maybe Anna Draper is the closest thing to a friend Don has. To me, Don is the quintessential “lone wolf.” He neither wants nor needs the company of others.
As far as Don and Gene are concerned, I suspect there may have been some jealously on the part of both men. Handsome, flashy Don bought “princess Elizabeth” a mink stole and took Gene’s little girl away for good. And from Don’s side, Betty was always “Daddy’s little girl.” A point which is reinforced with the naming of Baby Gene.
Finally, the naming of a baby after a dead relative (especially one that you did not like) is fundamentally at odds with Don’s credo. He said, early on in the series, that his life moves in only one direction, and that’s forward. As he told Sally in this week’s episode there are no such things as ghosts. So, in Don’s view, it’s going backwards and dredging up the past to name a baby — whose future should be a blank slate — after a dead person.
I don't think my father had any friends of his own–my parents had friends, but I can't remember dad going off to hang out with anybody who wasn't part of a couple that my parents knew.
He also felt that his children were his wife's problem. When she'd had enough and got a little over the top, he'd step in–much as Don does. And he looked like a hero and far the best parent to us as I'm sure Don does to his children. The Drapers are a little younger than my parents, but a lot of the family dynamics look awfully familiar.
Don “might be Batman for all we know”. No family, no friends, no interest in family or friends. At Roger’s wedding he’s back in the house, trying to scrounge up the world’s strongest cocktail. At the children’s day he’s off in dreamland, stroking the grass and ogling the pretty schoolteacher. He never engages with anyone. Even with his bed partners he’s not exactly Mr. Intimate. His personal life is locked in a desk drawer with a bunch of photos.
I think he knows he’s failing Bobby and Sally when they need him. He’s making an effort. But it’s pretty half-hearted; he genuinely doesn’t know how. That was one of the nice things about that last scene with Sally; he’s stopped trying to sell her something (baby Gene) and just holding her. He doesn’t know how to talk to people, but at least he can sit there with her. It’s not enough, but, you know, people take what they can get.
Sally’s going to have some WHOPPER daddy and mommy issues when she grows up. IF she grows up. I mean, she’s already grown up in a lot of ways, but now she has to sit around and wait while her body and legal status catch up, listening to idiots talk baby talk to her when she’s halfway through Gibbon.
Quick correction, Fnarf, that wasn’t Roger’s wedding, it was a Derby Day party.
I had a late night at the office but have been reading this thread closely at the office (in-between work of course). Great thoughts and observations here.
Aran I think you and Anne B are getting at the fundamental issue here with Don and Gene. They ought to like each other and it’s a safe bet that even with the words “hate†and “that joker†thrown around there is some degree of mutual respect here. Anne B is right – there is simply not enough slack in the rope between Don and Gene to span the gap between them.
What Don really “hates†is using family as a lever to claim a status you didn’t earn or as an excuse to assume superiority. He resents Roger, Pete and even Gene because it cuts him deepest to say he has no people. He admires Connie, Bert and even Nixon because they are self made.
Don is the ultimate self-made man. He has nothing but observations jigsaw pieces and a determination to use to build a career and a family. By the way, he understands that this can be better than family – depending on the family.
This gets at a core paradox presented by Don’s character and a key theme of the show. What does family mean? Can it be created by raw ingredients without having “people?†Are loners on the outside always to be left clawing and scratching to get in?
Perhaps Don’s greatest strength is independence and adaptability (creating self reliance and leadership). It is also a great weakness because it doesn’t allow for trust (reliance on others). Don’s upbringing does not allow him to trust the whole idea of family – the very thing he wants so badly to create.
And if he gets to the Promised Land – is it going to be what he imagined?
@#7:
“Even though he stole another man’s name, his success is really Dick’s success, not Real Don’s success. Funny that he doesn’t seem to view it that way.”
Exactly, Gypsy! That, to me, is the essence of Don’s complexity, his fatal flaw as it were. Everything he has he has earned himself, regardless of the name he answers to. But he has so compartmentalized Dick from Don that he can’t see that overlap (Exactly HOW do you all italicize on this farcockte thing BTW?)! He is unable to enjoy what he has (“you have everything … and so much of it”). Deep down it’s all DON’s–he can’t let go of the guilt and shame long enough to see that it’s all HIS, no matter what he calls himself. “A rose be any other name…yadda yadda yadda…”
Italics are the letter i inside angle brackets <>. Then close with /i inside angle brackets.
“A rose BY any other name…” errrr!
Thanks!
Am I fantasizing or could it be that they're replaying the John F. and Jacqueline Kennedy marriage with Don and Betty in the lead roles? If so, what awful thing is going to happen at the end of this season?
But, you know, I could be completely wrong…
@#15 hullabaloo:
My Dad was born in the Depression, had a loving mother but a also had a father who was too interested in being important to the outside world work hard for his four children (in other words, spent money that should've gone for food, shoes, clothes for his children — they went hungry because the Old Man would buy suits for himself and eat at the diner every day and try to impress the "right" people) — a man who made his two oldest boys quit school so they could go to work and bring in money — a man who would beat all the children if one did something "wrong" or just plain got in his way — and, although never flash about it, stepped out with ladies, too.
My Dad was in WWII in the Army Air Force. He was funny, always had a story or joke to tell to the day he died, was a kind man who NEVER spanked my sister or me because of his Dad's actions, who vowed as a young man that his then unborn children would never go without food, a roof over their heads, shoes, clothes, or as much education as they wanted. He and Mom moved to St. Louis after the war so he could study the fledgling science of television, and was working for WSB-TV in Atlanta, GA when it first signed on the air.
I tell you all this because this funny, kind, hard-working man didn't have friends per se out of work. He didn't golf or play tennis (that was left to the Old Rich in Atlanta), he didn't join the VFW, or men's clubs or any of that. He came home from the war and didn' t want to hash and rehash the war with anybody. He just came home, studied, found a good job, and got on with life. He was happiest being at home after work, puttering around the basement or fixing things. He did have a couple of men he would talk to occasionally, but they didn't go places and do things together. So there are so personable men who don't have friends outside of work — and with all the history that Don's covering up, doesn't surprise me that he wouldn't have guy friends to hang around with.
I've been watching the discussion about Don's friendships. It's actually not at all unusual for men not to have friendships. One of the reasons that men are often more devastated by divorce than women is that men often don't have friends other than their wives, and their wives friends. Men often allow women to handle the emotional side of their lives entirely, and don't cultivate warm relationships on their own. Just one more way the patriarchy hurts men too.
that last bit should be "So there are *some* personable men…"
I have to add this: I am **amazed** at how much knowledge this group brings to the table each week! I'm a newbie Basketcase — haven't been obsessed with a show since S1-5 of The X-Files — and truly enjoy reading everyone's opinions and insights and am stunned at how y'all remember scenes and lines from S1-2! Kudos to you all!
#22 Brenda– excellent insights on Gene.
Deborah, your title to this thread is fascinating:
Hating Gene is what Mr. Hofstadt is with respect to Don.
Hating Gene is what Don does.
And both of them, and indeed other characters in the show, may possess a hating gene.
@ 54 MamaLouise- Welcome to the Basket. You seem like you have a really interesting prespective on the era, and I look forward to reading future comments from you.
Deborah, VERY insightful about men being hurt by their lack of closeness amongst their ranks. You're one smart cookie. Man I wish I lived near you so I could watch with you in person sometime. I'm strongly considering coming out for the last episode party, even though it's 3,000 miles away! Anne B., want to fly out with me? Or at least watch the show with me in SF? : ) What about you, SFCaramia?
#44 RetroGirl you are so right! But would Peggy fit in with the Village types? She's "creative" but not artsy and open and loose in the way I would think people like Roy and other Village types of the times might appreciate. She's not really that buttoned up but she looks it, and she works a lot. Her problem is that she's kind of a freak for her times! A serious minded young career woman in a field mostly populated by men? She makes everyone uncomfortable, and she doesn't have Joan's natural appeal and charm to smooth the way, either. Poor Peggy. Peggy, I'll be your friend! I think you're amazing!
Hi Joyce…I've been thinking I can use a NY visit, it's been way too long. Maybe the three of us can keep in touch about this…Anne B, thank you for your nice posting BTW
My BFF lives in NYC and I have a place to stay!
It's possible that Gene Hofstadt simply sensed that his son-in-law was a fraud and has taunted Don with this suspicion for years. As for Betty, I don't think she knew a thing about Don's background, until Roger pointed out that Don's dialect may have originated from a rural upbringing in S1.
The theme of this thread is about "father figures," so I hope you won't mind this injection of father-related news.
I just heard on the news that Timothy "Big Russ" Russert has passed away, at age 85.
He was the father of the late "Meet the Press" host, Tim Russert and grandfather of Luke Russert, and the subject of Tim Russert's 2004 bestseller, "Big Russ & Me".
If there is ever a list of ideal fathers, Big Russ would be at the top of the list!
http://www.mediabistro.com/tvnewser/obits/timothy…
"The first “he has no people!†seemed like a product of dementia or brain injury"
Have to disagree with your analysis of the above. Earlier in Season 1 or 2, I can't remember which, Don makes a reference to his FIL and how he's always staring at him, giving him 'that look', or something like that. I picked up then that Don's FIL doesn't trust him, and I don't think the outburst during the visit had anything to do with his stroke, other than that strokes can sometimes make people a little less able to keep a lid on what they're really thinking.
Do agree that ol' Don has mega Father issues, not to mention Mother issues, general intimacy issues.
I love DD's character so much. So flawed with such goodness underneath. I am a new MM fan; just finished Season 2 on DVD and to my great joy found Season 3 available on iTunes (oh happiness!). I cannot wait to see how Don develops (or not) in the weeks to come.
My personal theory is that he'll never overcome his weaknesses and become the man he wants to be until he is able to confess all to Betty and experience real intimacy. We shall see if is able…
Thanks for your blog!
I don't know if this is the right place for a question like this or not.
My Season One DVDs aren't handy right now, but when Adam came back to see Don, he mentions the deaths of some of the Whitman relatives. Was Archie Whitman one of the ones that he mentions?
The reason I ask, is because Internet Movie Database shows Joseph Culp (as Archie) in this week's episode and I wonder if his character's death will be touched upon, in a flashback.
In Season Two (I think), Don mentions that his father died from being kicked in the head by a mule, and I'm a but fuzzy on which Whitman died when.
It is possible that Don's story about the mule, isn't all there is to this?
Smiler, Don's entire speech to Rachel about his upbringing is in the Season 1 quotes, under "Long Weekend." Archie Whitman died when Don/Dick was ten. The people he asked Adam about were Abigail (Dick's stepmother, Adam's mother), and Abigail's new husband "Uncle Mack."