"Of course not"
Perhaps we have overdone the discussion of Don’s adultery already, but there is something so deeply fascinating about his relationships with women.
In Marriage of Figaro, Don kisses Rachel on the roof of Menken’s and then says “I’m married.” Rachel asks him if this is something he does all the time, kissing women who aren’t his wife. Don says “Of course not.”
That “Of course not,” that resonates with me. I hear it in my head. When we’re discussing Don and his cheating, I hear “Of course not.”
Because he believes it. He had been with Midge that morning? The night before? And yet he believes, really believes that he doesn’t go around doing this.
And so we get to Bobbie. In Maidenform Bobbie tells Don he has a reputation, and Don? He still believes “Of course not.” It’s like he bathes in the Kanathos, and starts fresh. He doesn’t see the numbers, he doesn’t see it adding up.
I think if Bobbie asked him if he did this all the time, he’d have said “Of course not.”
Basket of Kisses: The unofficial blog of AMC's Mad Men. Where all the cool kids meet & greet to talk about Don Draper, Janie Bryant, Christina Hendricks, Jon Hamm, Matthew Weiner, & subtexty things.
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March 24th, 2009 at 7:22 am
He doesn’t see the numbers adding up, and he also doesn’t see the evidence, because he doesn’t leave any. Sure, he disappears for hours at a time, but so do other people, and besides, he’s Creative Director, he’s allowed. So that doesn’t mean he cheats. And we certainly saw Betty scrub the place for physical evidence, turning up nothing. I think his belief is a means to preserving the lie. He is simply not lying to Betty. I think it preserves his marriage, in his eyes—at least it used to. When he walks into his house, he leaves the city and the affairs outside that red door. When he came home from Bobbie he scrubbed his hands and rinsed out his mouth, spitting her out. He was disgusted to have brought that home to Betty, and needed to protect her. It was like he’d accidentally brought pork into a kosher home.
March 24th, 2009 at 7:37 am
It seems like there are at least three Dons- home Don, office Don, and cheating Don. We don't see him bragging about his exploits like Roger, or out meeting women with the boys. His extramarital affairs occupy a more private sphere that just city/office Don.
Which makes it all the more interesting that Peggy was the one witness to his cheating after the car accident. He could have called Roger or one of the boys who would have helped him out of maintaining the code of men, but he didn't want to be caught slipping up and he knew that Peggy would keep quiet.
March 24th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Don believes this. He's so far gone, he believes his own narcissistic bull. It reminds of criminals who cry all the way to the penitentiary, "I'm innocent, I'm innocent" when in fact they did the crime and need to do the time. I'm still waiting for Don to do the time.
March 24th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Re #3- Considering the amount of client socializing done at the time, it wouldn't be too hard to figure out. Plus, I'd figure marriage would be the default option for a 30-something guy in Don's position at the time. Rachel didn't respond to the news with much surprise.
March 24th, 2009 at 9:24 am
#5 Right, but the clients also know about how often he cheats (see Bobbie). I'm not sure it makes sense for him to volunteer that he's married and immediately lie about how often.
Like I said, still proceesing.
March 24th, 2009 at 9:25 am
#6 ….lie about how often he cheats, I should have said.
I wish we could edit out posts.
March 24th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Don's relationship with Rachael was different- he loved her and still did 18mos after she told him to leave. Crucially, she is 1 of the 2 people in his life that he has told about his background. For Rachael, he may have given up cheating.
He confided in Peggy because he knew her to be discrete and she owed him a favor, given what had happened to her. Logically she was the only one he would call and could trust in the situation.
March 24th, 2009 at 11:39 am
He doesn’t see the numbers adding up, and he also doesn’t see the evidence, because he doesn’t leave any.
Seriously. You're pretty far gone into the delusion when you have a drawer full of laundered shirts at your desk.
March 24th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Nope, Don has used the "I'm married" line before, after a kiss.
It's a self-serving "warning": if the single woman still plays along, he's been "clean" with her, and whatever later qualms she may have, how she may suffer, his hands are "clean."
Of course, Don already seduced the single woman with his seemingly unattached attentions, sexual flirtation and kiss, before the admission, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to hook her in the first place.
It's the married seducer's playbook.
March 24th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
It’s pretty interesting that he tells the truth before he gets her into bed. I’m not sure his honesty in that scene rings true. It could just indicate how much respect he has for Rachel. But if you’re already compartmentalized and lying to yourself, why wouldn’t you just lie about being married in the first place?
I have to think about this one some more.
March 24th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
It seems like there are at least three Dons- home Don, office Don, and cheating Don.
It could also be described as home Don, office Don and cheating Dick – as in Whitman. It certainly seemed that he was less hidden with both Midge and Rachel than he is with Betty. Betty embodies the perfection of his cover (at least she did until the middle of Season Two), but Midge and Rachel (and of course Bobbie) represent the messiness of his reality.
March 24th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I think that because Don has never let Betty truly know him, he can't take her love seriously. When he married her, he held back the truth about his origins because he assumed she would not accept him if she knew the whole story. Years later, he finds himself trapped in his own lies – he can't allow his wife to truly know (and maybe truly love) him because of the risk that she might leave him and take away his children. There's simply too much at stake. So, he finds other women: women to whom he can reveal more because their rejection would be far less costly. So, he can freely divulge his married status almost as a dare – will the woman still accept him, even at his most caddish? If so, she can give him – at least temporarily – a greater sense affirmation than he allows Betty to provide.
On another note – relating to Don's "of course not". It seems reminiscent of the way he often precedes a lie (or covers up his ignorance) with "of course". It was discussed in this thread: http://www.lippsisters.com/2008/11/26/a-thing-lik...
March 24th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Midge helped with this disguise alot. She refuses to talk about Betty and Don has not met most of Midge’s friends until the relationship has run its corse. Therefore they only existed for eachother.
Rachel paradoxically brings him to a larger world and gives a sense of true intimacy thus far absent from Don’s life. She may have compared her sister to a bitch, but look at her and Barbara and compare to Betty and her brother.
Through “The Jet Set” if not “The Mountain King” Don seems attached a nomadic existence. Likenothing he touches touches hime back.
March 24th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
It is sad when you think about it but it's so much better to be the mistress than the wife, no matter what they say. At least in Don's life, they are the only ones who get to see the real him; the vulnerable him. I wouldn't be surprised if the only time Betty had seen him cry would have been at the birth of one of his children. They also have all the cards on the table, the only thing they don't know is how the wife "really" is. Whereas, the wife is completely in the dark.
I agree with #9 on why he confided to Peggy, but also believe that Don would never reveal his flaws (the affairs) to any of the guys. To them, he's "Golden" and a mystery. He has to maintain his superiority over them, including Roger. That's what the Don persona gives to Dick Whitman; it's his own Superman to his real-life Clark Kent. If they knew, or let's say, if he knew that they knew, he might as well be his father.
In reference to the shirts in the desk drawer. They were not only a sign of affairs, they would also be available for after a swim or tennis at "the club." Of course, I'm not saying that's Don's reason for them…
March 24th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Don likely knew — on some level — that Peggy knows about the affairs to some degree, ever since she did the "Oh, I'm so stupid" dance to cover for him with Betty when he was (ironically) meeting Adam in "5G." Plus, Don kept her secret, per #9.
As for Rachel, Don could have believed the "of course not" when he said it, not only because of the denial running through his life, but also because (as suggested upthread) he may really have been attracted to Rachel in a way he was not to others, incl. Midge. The "of course not" translates for him as "the others didn't matter." Had Bobbie asked, I'm not sure that he would have said "of course not." It's just as likely that it would have provoked the angry outburst like we saw in the hotel room.
March 24th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
#11 OK, I can see that. It’s disgusting, but I can see the twisted logic.
Never dated a married person, thank god, so I don’t know the playbook.
March 24th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
The problem with over-analyzing a show like this is you begin to see the cracks in its foundation — the inconsistencies and gaping holes that make you furrow your brow and exclaim WTF. This is just another instance of that.
Maybe that's part of what makes it so fascinating — trying to figure out how they're going to explain the inconsistencies.
Maybe Don's "of course not" refers to his having more than one mistress at a time. Okay, I'm being tongue in cheek, but kind of not. He has a reputation, but we've also seen him refuse women on several occasions, and we know he's particular about the women he favors. He has Betty, and he has his feisty female of the moment, but he doesn't seem to attempt more than that.
I remember that scene where he's waiting in the hallway for Midge to return home. How long had he been there? And how did he know that she'd return in a reasonable amount of time? How long was he willing to wait for her? In my experience, a true player has a long list of women he can call when one of the others is unavailable — even if they're past tense. Yet, there's Don sitting in the hallway, waiting for Midge to come home. Why not seek out one of his other girlfriends, or at least go to the movies, which we know he does on occasion? I guess he just wanted or needed Midge at that moment?
He did something similar with Bobbie. He skips out on the swimsuit show/Veteran's Bar-B-Q, but discovers that Bobbie has other plans. Here he is with a free afternoon, and instead of returning to the country club or seeking out one of his other girlfriends (or even going to the movies), he returns home, stands in front of an open refrigerator, and drinks milk directly from the carton. Now, that can be wonderfully liberating, and I'm sure it's something that Betty doesn't allow him to do, but that's it? I guarantee you, Roger wouldn't have wasted such an opportunity. But that's what the notorious D.O.N. does. Why? How and when did he develop his "reputation," and what does his strange, conditional code of morality mean?
March 25th, 2009 at 3:59 am
Can I ask here why Don was unable to perform sexually in the episode Those Who Think Young? It was Valentine's Day, Betty "dressed" for him, hotel/no kids, the works. Surely he finds Betty attractive, and at that point, at least temporarily, he wasn't cheating with others. So what was going on in his head that made him, er, a no-show? Guilt? The run-in with the "party girl" friend of Betty that brought up Betty's innocence while facing a cheating businessman he understood? I think it had something to do with how Betty was, from all appearances, a perfect, beautiful, adoring, sexual wife willing to try anything to please him; he had it all, yet he had risked it all, and it messed up his head.
March 25th, 2009 at 5:00 am
"When he came home from Bobbie he scrubbed his hands and rinsed out his mouth, spitting her out. He was disgusted to have brought that home to Betty, and needed to protect her. It was like he’d accidentally brought pork into a kosher home"
I didn't see it like that at all. He didn't have the foresight to stop at a gas station and wash his hands and rinse his mouth, so he did it at home so she wouldn't smell Bobbie on him. He was protecting himself, not Betty.
March 25th, 2009 at 6:04 am
What fascinates me about Don and about this moment is that I don't think Don is a true player. Ken is. Roger is. Don believes he is not a player. He believes each fling is unique and singular.
And, Don is a great burner of bridges. When he's done, he doesn't go back: His life moves in only one direction, forward.
March 25th, 2009 at 6:07 am
I think it symbolized the general impotence in his life and his marriage. On a practical level, the doctor had just put him on some pretty strong meds.
March 25th, 2009 at 6:51 am
Don believes he is not a player. He believes each fling is unique and singular.
What is interesting about that is that we believed it to. We might not have forgiven it, but we believed it. I'm not saying I was under the illusion that Midge was his only pre-Rachel affair, but I did think they were few and far between. Bobbie, though an interesting and intelligent woman, seemed to be a step down, situationally. But it wasn't until the moment that she mentioned the other woman (I'm blanking, but the one who worked for the publishing company), and his 'reputation', that the bubble was burst for me. As it was for Don in that moment.
March 25th, 2009 at 11:29 am
What I wonder is if he has more than one affair going at the same time? We're led to believe that he's *exclusive* to one particular woman (other than Betty, of course) at any given time, and that he's also pretty exclusive about who that woman is and what she has to offer him. Like Deborah said, he's not like Roger or Ken, or even Pete or Paul — all of whom have at least a smidgen of a reputation in the traditional sense.
Don doesn't even ogle or leer at women in public — even when "granted" the opportunity to do so. I'm thinking of the swimsuit show, the Asian waitress, the nekkid (okay, topless) performance artist at the beatnik club — he barely looked at those women, although he could have done so without raising any eyebrows. I don't think he's been openly flirtatious with any woman, except Rachel — and she initiated it. In fact, all the women he's been involved with have come on to him. Joy, Bobbie, Rachel…We don't know how he got involved with Midge, but I have no trouble believing that she approached him, rather than he, her.
I wonder if Don thinks nothing of these affairs because he didn't initiate them? Maybe to Don, they don't mean anything because he didn't start them.
March 25th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Hull, that's very interesting.
Whereas with Betty, he chased her. Sent her the fur.
March 25th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
He also turned down his aluminum siding twin who seemed more than willing.
March 25th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Also, Don had pretty much dropped Midge before finally landing Rachel. (Arguably, he was moving from Midge — quasi-independent woman — to pursue Rachel — fully independent woman.) He may have had serial affairs, but likely one at a time. And he also used Midge and Rachel as sounding boards (professionally with Midge, professionally and personally with Rachel), which is why he's willing to hang out in the hall for Midge. His affairs — at least his S1 affairs — are not just about sex.
March 25th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Karl, Don also hooked up with Rachel and Midge at their apartments (although I suspect there may have been a few office hook-ups with Rachel as well — something about the way he burst in there in NvK), so he could wash before going home. That first time with Bobbie, they were in his car. He might not have had time to clean up afterward. Plus there's the disgust factor…
Yes, Don pursued Betty, but she only responded when he dangled something bright and shiny and new in front of her. She's not interested in Dick Whitman, the bumpkin who asked her on a date. But Don Draper? The young copywriter who's slick enough to finagle a fur coat for her? She responded to him. A white gold watch, a second fur coat, new Cadillac? She's all, "oh Don…" Compare this to when he doesn't dangle the pretty. There's more finality to the way she addresses him: "Don!" or "Don."
March 25th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Just a thought–I always thought that sending her the fur was a very smooth, Don Draper move.
It really doesn't match the eager Dick Whitman who described this new girl to Anna Draper.
Like hull said, once you start peeling back at the level that we do, you're gonna see stuff.
March 25th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Judy, when Don used the "I'm married" line with the amorous twin, he was presenting her with a closed door. Nothing to see here, sweetheart: may as well set your sights elsewhere.
He had said those words in a completely different context with Rachel. With her, he was doing what Don never does: opening up one of the closed boxes of his life, in the presence of someone he'd intended to keep separate, in another. He was doing this because she moved him, because he knew he was falling for her. The path ahead of Don was, for once, not clear. He wanted Rachel to see this, to recognize the difficulty.
To take that first step on the path with him? I think so.
Don lives a compartmentalized life, but he's not so broken that he doesn't see what's in those other boxes: Betty and family, Dick and past identity. He manages all three, all the time. It gets tiring, I'm sure — not to mention lonely. All those different people in the boxes, wanting all of their different things from you? With no concern for the one man who keeps each of those compartments alive? My God. Like being a bigamist: the only crime that carries its own punishment.
Is it possible that in the moment of that kiss, Don saw Rachel as something more than a woman on the side? Could he have seen her as an ally, a confidante, the first person in years to whom he could unburden his soul? The "of course not" indicates that he'd already left the others behind, in a different category if not yet in fact.
Don ended up confiding in Rachel, anyway. He never could help himself. And his grief over losing her — as we saw — went on for years.
March 25th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Rachel had Don from the pilot–from the moment she looked at him and said Something tells me you know what it's like to be an outsider too. (I paraphrase.) No one ever saw that before, other than Anna, who knew so much. No one ever picked up on it. Don is just so normal. And for the first time he was having thoughts like 'meant to be together', 'destiny', 'soulmates' (or whatever a conservative man in 1960 might have called it). These were new ideas to the man who believed love was invented to sell nylons. When he fell in love with Betty, which both Deb and I have said many times we absolutely believe that he did fall in love, it wasn't from that place.
And then on the roof when Rachel told him her mother had died in childbirth–that sealed the deal.
March 25th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
As for Bobbie, rinsing his mouth, etc. — Bobbie initiated and he fell off the fidelity wagon (likely b/c she was independent enough to intrigue him). The washing is certainly to protect himself viz Betty, but it may also reflect shame over his weakness, disgust over the situational step-down, etc. After all, MW & Co. chose not to show such behavior related to Midge or Rachel (though that would explain why Betty has the epiphany about the perfume and such, which Don could have heard from the shrink).
March 25th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
This thread is moving towards some interesting discussion regarding how we perceive sexual aggressiveness based on gender. Don is some how absolved, (or something liked that) by not being the instigator in the affairs with Bobbie, Joy and maybe Midge. Bobbie and Joy got intense reactions of disgust, or fear from much of the audience, but it does not necessarily change the opinion of Don.
While we don't really know these women away from Don, there has been lots of speculation on and off the show about Joan's sexual activity. Despite her flings with Roger and Paul, she is one of the most discrete people in the office. Most of the office has no idea about her and Roger, and she is so quiet, but people don't notice that. For whatever reason she felt the need to assure Roger the she only ever saw one person at a time long after the end of their affair. She is just expected to be so much more accountable than any of the men.
Aren't we talking about Don's ability to be unaccountable?
March 26th, 2009 at 7:07 am
Btw, #14, I love this.
I think that because Don has never let Betty truly know him, he can’t take her love seriously.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:01 am
portia, right on. And it's not just aggressiveness based on gender, I would argue. I think that Joan suffers as she does in part because of her body type.
There. I said it.
Because she has a body type that looks like that period's physical embodiment of every man's ideal of sex, Joan has to be more than responsible for her own actions and appearance. Look at her clothing, and consider how modest it is. It's form-fitting, as the dress of that time was — but Joan is covered up, her hair and makeup is neat and perfect, at all times. And she doesn't just draw those lines of decorum: she polices them, for herself and for others.
Joan's aware that everyone is watching her, all the time. She bears the weight of that with the grace of a woman who knows the value of what she carries. And aside from her vulnerable moment after MM's death in Roger's office, she no longer even seems to resent it.
What was interesting to me in S2 was the extent to which Betty was able to act out in ways that I'd argue are unavailable to Joan. Joan, stranded on the side of the road, discussing car repair with a mechanic and admitting to having only a few bucks in her pocketbook. How would that have played out, do you think?
And Joan, having a quiet drink alone at a bar, bought by a stranger whom she finds attractive. She has an indiscretion with him in the restroom. What would people say about her — at that time, or now? And why?
Think about it. It's not just a gender thing: it's the kind of woman people see as being sexually available, that is of issue here.
March 26th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
portia, I think your insight into gender prejudice is dead-on.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
As always, Anne B., your insights are spot on. Especially this:
What was interesting to me in S2 was the extent to which Betty was able to act out in ways that I’d argue are unavailable to Joan.
Frankly, I don't think ANY other woman on the show could act like Betty in S2 and get away with it. Not on TV, not in 1962, not in life, now. Society grants a kind of permissiveness to slender, young blond women, that they don't give to anyone else. They are revered and cherished, regardless of what they do. They go missing, and the world stops. They behave badly and no one seems to notice (or worse, it's regarded as "cute"), but let someone treat them badly, and that person is the most vile of villains who should be whipped and chained, then strung up and left to die.
I wonder how people would have reacted to S2's Betty if she were played by Donielle Artese — or even Vanessa Williams. I imagine that she'd be branded every kind of "bitch" imaginable. She'd be called ball-breaking, nagging, and materialistic. Harridan, virago, shrew. Somehow she'd be regarded as both slutty AND frigid, and would probably be blamed for everything wrong in her life.
Like Anne B. said, "It's not just a gender thing…" it's the kind of woman people perceive her to be — the kind they decide she is.
There I said it — so flame me, if you will.
March 27th, 2009 at 8:47 am
"I imagine that she’d be branded every kind of “bitch†imaginable. She’d be called ball-breaking, nagging, and materialistic. Harridan, virago, shrew. Somehow she’d be regarded as both slutty AND frigid, and would probably be blamed for everything wrong in her life."
Betty *is* already branded exactly like that. She gets more hate from fans than every other mad men character combined. You can't go to any blog or site discussing the show without reading those kind of comments about her.
Betty is most definitely judged to a different standard by fans more than any other character, especially by female viewers.
March 27th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Agree with bee.
March 27th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
What is interesting about that is that we believed it to.
How though? The show has Don putting a new pan on the burner while the old one hasn't even congealed yet.
In fact, we can take one of the reasons the Midge relationship wound down to be because Rachel was "new."
March 29th, 2009 at 6:56 am
^ Yes, I thought the whole reason he was okay with ending things with Midge was because he knew he had another one ready to go. Don was already having an emotional affair with Rachel and was just waiting for an excuse to start a physical one with her. You would think he would've be more upset finishing his relationship with Midge since they'd been boinking for god knows how long. I think Don would have had no problem at all at cheating with both Midge and Rachel at the same time if Rachel had agreed to a physical affair earlier in the season.
March 31st, 2009 at 3:45 pm
I still think that, to Don, the two "other women" in Season 1 were fundamentally different. Midge was Girl With No Rules. Betty is, in most cases, all about the rules. But Rachel set up a whole new game for Don: one he truly wanted to play. If he wanted in, he had to play by her rules:
Don't pretend being married doesn't matter. Don't forget your responsibilities, to others and to me. Don't put this on my bill.
And Don is not Joan's jerk of a fiancee. He is very much interested in the hunt, but no definitely means no. For Don, the rules of engaging with any woman and the game of pursuing her are probably the same. At the very least, he wants to know the rules so that he can find places to bend them — when necessary.
I do think that Don saw Midge and Rachel — and Betty — as individuals. For him, this was a hindrance as much as it was a help. If he could have placed his lovers on the same level, he never would have given that bonus check to Midge. He would have lost Rachel much sooner, and saved himself a certain degree of heartbreak.
And perhaps a man like that could have left Betty, without needing to place her in the care of a shrink. But Don feels things he does not want to feel. This is one aspect that makes him fascinating to watch.
March 31st, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Anne, I agree, except Midge had rules. She doesn't make plans and she doesn't make breakfast. We don't talk about Don's wife; it makes her feel cruel.
April 4th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
"Betty *is* already branded exactly like that. She gets more hate from fans than every other mad men character combined."
I don't know if that's true. I think Betty gets a lot of sympathy. A LOT. It's a great characterization, and January's doing a phenomenal job portraying her, but let's be real. Is the character more hated than Pete, or Duck, or Bobbie Barrett, or Jane, or Joy…or even Midge? You'll have to show me proof of that.
I challenge you to try visualizing some of Betty's more controversial scenes with any of the other women on the show. What would you think if you saw Donielle Artese shove Sally into a closet? What would your reaction be to Elisabeth Moss standing around with one of her friends, yapping about how fat her daughter was, or calling her son a little liar? What if Melinda McGraw was the one hitting on the tow truck driver or trying to break into Don's desk. I bet your reaction to any of those scenes would be completely different. I mean, they were noteworthy with January, but imagine how shocked you'd be if any of the other women on the show pulled that? I think the only reason they could show Betty doing that stuff is that we'll allow it from her. We wouldn't allow it from any other woman on the show. At least, I don't think so.
But on to other things…
Don was already having an emotional affair with Rachel and was just waiting for an excuse to start a physical one with her.
But how could Don be sure that Rachel would consent to that? Once he told her he was married, she put up a pretty big barrier between them. How could he know for sure that she would eventually relent?
Upon re-watching some of the earlier episodes of season 1, I can see the cracks in his and Midge's relationship that I hadn't seen before. But was Don nitpicking on purpose? Just looking for an out because he'd met someone new? He doesn't seem like the type to give up a sure thing (old business) for a "possible wink" from someone else (new business).
Don's thing with Rachel seemed different, but I can't say for sure — not now any way. After season 1, and even in the beginning of season 2, I could say that with some certainty. But now? I don't know. We've seen him with four women, other than Betty. Two were completely salacious, while the other two seemed to have more substance. But who knows? Maybe they're just giving us stuff to give us stuff. There may be no rhyme or reason to any of it after all is said and done.