Deborah’s post about Bobbie and Don inspired today’s entry. It got me thinking about something that I was already processing in my sleep and that was: sacrifice and love. Now, I don’t know if this is all going to cohere into a clear entry since a) I just woke up from a bad night’s sleep and b) I just forgot what b was. But anyway, bear with me.
I don’t think I’m the only one who has the notion that sacrifice is somehow GOOD, especially when it comes to love. You give up what you want in order to please your beloved or you work long hours in order to put your children through college, etc. But I’m here to explore worthless sacrifices, the ones that not only don’t get you anywhere but, in fact, end up jeopardizing everything you hold dear. And in Don’s case what he has sacrificed is his own real self.
As a result of his abusive childhood, Don has grown up believing that the person he IS, Dick Whitman, is intrinsically unlovable. This is common in victims of abuse; in order to survive childhood, we have to uphold the idea that their parents are GOOD. After all, if their parents are bad, that doesn’t bode well for the child’s physical or psychological survival. So, of course, if Mom and Dad keep punishing the kid, then it follows that the kid deserves it somehow. “If these powerful people keep punishing me, I MUST be a terrible person.”
In our culture, we like to believe that the strong just get over these things automatically somehow. “Put it behind you.” “Let it go.” And, my favorite, “Get over it already!” Here’s the problem, though, when we talk about psychological wounds, forgetting is not a cure. You can’t just move past them, anymore than you can expect a broken leg to heal on its own. But when it comes to abuse, our culture expects complete recovery without having to face the pain. In fact, it DEMANDS it–it’s not just manly but the American way. Except that it doesn’t work and, if anything, these expectations make it much much harder for victims of trauma and abuse to heal and get on with their lives.
Given the culture and the times, Dick Whitman tried hard as hell to get the hell over it –the abuse, the hatred, the contempt, the neglect– and his method was to run away. In fact, he ran away into a different identity. Since he couldn’t find love as Dick because Dick was bad, he was going to make the ultimate sacrifice: he was going to kill Dick Whitman and find love, power and success as Don Draper.
Now, impostors abound in love stories, particularly in Hollywood movies. The nice but poor guy (or untalented or unsuccessful or uncool, etc.) adopts a different persona in order to get the girl. Hijinks ensue until, at the very end, his masquerade is discovered and it turns out that the girl loves him ANYWAY. Somehow these chicks are never disgusted or pissed off or shocked or, as I would imagine, even slightly creeped out. (I mean, I would be, even if the guy looks like Don Draper. If you could lie to me for so long, what else are you capable of and also, who ARE you?) But either way, at heart the “masquerade” is both self-hatred and the fantasy of escaping into a different life. And certainly I can totally relate with the latter fantasy, I would even say that escape it’s *the* American fantasy par excellence.
In MM, however, this same theme is explored in full and as such, it depicts the real pain of sacrificing your real self. Don Draper is unhappy with Betty because he can never be his authentic self; rather, he believes that his princess will never love Dick Whitman, the bastard son of a whore who grew up on a farm and wore a bowl cut. Not only is Don unhappy when he’s good, he’s dimmer, less of a vibrant human being. He’s emasculated and, really, he did it himself. He is being “good” at the expense of his integrity as a human being.
Here’s the irony: When Don is “bad,” when, in a way, he lets Dick out, he comes alive. Bad Dick sleeps around. Bad Dick seduces a client. Bad Dick sets up Roger for humiliation. Bad Dick is even a bit of a thug (witness his methods of persuasion with Bobbie). And, yes, I’ll admit it I’m disturbed by my reaction but I found myself rooting when Dick manhandled Bobbie and not because I found it sexy but because he drew some boundaries. He didn’t let Bobbie bully him.
So, what gives? In order to be true, does Don have to be bad? Is it either/or?
Well, not exactly. After all, he sleeps with Bobbie as if he were sleepwalking. I think the difference is that when he’s genuinely himself, he has a sense of agency, if you will. The difference is that in Season 1, Bad Dick rebelled against self-imposed values and in the case of Bobbie, he’s not rebelling, really. He’s thrown in the towel, almost as if to punish himself, like Deborah astutely points out. Bobbie is bad and Dick is bad, so he deserves her.
In order for Don to be true to himself, he might have to reconsider whether the life he’s made is really what he needs. As Peggy must confront whether she’s really cut out for motherhood, Don has to face whether he’s really meant to live in the suburbs in a house with the white picket fence. The kind of love he’s bought has come at the huge cost of losing himself. By choosing it, not only has he harmed himself but he’s causing a tremendous amount of pain to everyone involved. You could even argue that Don has never been as bad as when he tries to be good.
65 Responses to “Love and the Ultimate Sacrifice”
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
… the fantasy of escaping into a different life. And certainly I can totally relate with the latter fantasy, I would even say that escape it’s *the* American fantasy par excellence.
*nods emphatically* I'm reminded of a line from the critic Greil Marcus, about "the question that trails off the last page of Huckleberry Finn: why not make an escape from a way of life into a way of life?"
Fixed. I have special powers.
Oh, and btw, it's about more than sex, that was just an example. Betty gets a modeling job and it's only about Don's career. Trudy is ordered about like a bad dog by Pete. Peggy is constantly up against it with the boys. Think of what those women have given up, or have to give up, in order to have personal agency in their lives.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that I told Whitney of USA Today's Pop Candy about you and she linked to you this morning…
http://blogs.usatoday.com/popcandy/2008/08/mad-me…
This is also why I don't hate on Pete like some do. The guy can be an ass, but he knows he doesn't want kids right now (if ever?) and is being called immature for it. He seems to have made his own sacrifice in marrying Trudy, and perhaps the fertility issue is his get out of jail free card.
Pete will never be *likeable* to me. One thing I respect, however, is his self-awareness. It is a good thing that he knows that he's not ready to be a daddy (by Trudy, anyway!). The not wanting kids at the moment and expressing shows maturity, IMO. Pete (or anyone) rushing into having a baby when not emotionally or financially ready would do the child a terrible disservice.
The Bloom Comes Off The Rose
Last night's episode was the first in which I felt a severe twinge of dislike for Don. And it was directly related to his defiant lying to Betty. It was condescending and ugly. At some point there are limitations to his childhood trauma story. Okay, so we all know Don is a saboteur. The question is when and where will it all self-implode…….
I accept the theory about Dick/Don dual personality.
It puts to mind the old movie "Three Faces of Eve." You have Eve White, who always did the right thing and Eve Black, the alter ego who was pretty much a boozing slut partier. It was only put right when Eve (through therapy and breakthrough) became Jane, a combination of the two. At least that is how I perceived it.
Dick made himself Don Draper. He's been Don for a long time and it is part of his personality. Dick is also ingrained in him. Even though we are not discussing some actual psychosis here, there is some paralelles.
Maybe if he could find away to combine both Dick/Don maybe he could be happy. Maybe this is his way of doing it.
I do know one thing, it might make him happier in his marriage if Betty knew. Maybe he would not feel so much like he is living a lie. Of course she is gonna be pissed, but if she truly loves him she will get over it and understand.
Wonderful post. I can't believe you worked the bowl cut in.
One thing I think is interesting this season is that it seems like he is beginning to let Dick into Don's life. Bobby, (his son, not Bobbie, his lover) knew that his grandfather had been a farmer. In S1, Betty didn't even know if he'd had a nanny; didn't even know his parents were dead… I'll have to thank them one day. I think that the coming and ultimate going of Adam, as well as the Who Cares moment, has allowed him to start blurring the boundaries. Which may well fuck him up.
Also… he sleeps with Bobbie as if he were sleepwalking… seems like the same could be said for Betty.
Karen, Weiner has said, (I poorly paraphrase), that this is a show about men who are king of their world, and the people who are paying the price for it… the women.
I think you linked to the wrong post.
find it really intriguing that in a show completely overrun by the sexism of the times, the sacrifices you are going on about are the ones of the leading man.
On the political blogs I read, there was a lot of talk in the race between Clinton and Obama about how important it is to avoid "Oppression Olympics." It is important to be able to talk about both sexism and racism without having one be bigger or more important or worse; which one "wins." No one "wins" when it becomes a competition, and each individual experience has validity.
I think the same can be said here. The sexist oppression is bad. Don's wounds are also bad. It's not necessary to compete. (And it's valid that you are more interested in one than the other.)
Okay, so we all know Don is a saboteur. The question is when and where will it all self-implode…….
Don't you think that's what last night was about? I mean, getting arrested, hit on the head, injured arm, wrecked car…he is definitely beginning to pay consequences.
We also learned last night that part of whatever the agreement was that kept this marriage together was that Don wasn't spending nights out anymore; hence Betty's worry and "where the hell were you?" which weren't evidenced last season. So he's still Don, and he's cheating and lying, but there's definitely a piper with his hand out.
I can’t believe you worked the bowl cut in.
I thought the very same thing.
[quote]We also learned last night that part of whatever the agreement was that kept this marriage together was that Don wasn’t spending nights out anymore; hence Betty’s worry and “where the hell were you?†which weren’t evidenced last season. So he’s still Don, and he’s cheating and lying, but there’s definitely a piper with his hand out.[/quote]
I know! The angry “where the hell were you?†was one of the most surprising parts of the episode to me (after Rachel, and Peggy showing up with bail). I was like dammmn, it's like that now. Which leads me to wonder if he was planning on staying overnight in Stonybrook as it was already getting late, and what that excuse would have sounded like? He would have had to sleep off the booze at some point, or probably would have gotten in an accident on the way home. I'm now seeing this point about Bobbie being part of Don's self-destructiveness.
I'd like to see a flashback of the Betty/Don confrontation over his cheating.
The thin gold overlay of their lives is chipping off, particularly in the case of Don, and what we're seeing is the truth underneath it all.
Season 1, the men were all leading these charmed, Top-of-The-World existences, and as the season went on we began seeing the beginning of the end.
I don't think the O'Hara quote was just meant for the first episode, but is meant to resonate in every episode. Don can't believe his choices and time are catching up with him. He's like a gambler who is waiting for the losing streak to be over, but time and luck are no longer on his side. The catastrophe of his personality may never be as beautiful, as gilded as it once was.
I don't know, maybe the writers love the character of Bobbie, but I see her as debris he grabbed on his downward spiral. She is still attractive, and dresses well, but she is not at the level of his previous affairs. There is a little wear and tear there, and no real passion. If you listed the reasons he's sleeping with her, wanting her, specifically her, is nowhere near the top of the list.
Don looks at Betty and sees her perfect veneer is chipping, and every time he wants to run, she yanks the leash. Every scene we've seen of them shows this and another affair and acting out were inevitable. It's not that she doesn't love him, but she wants to control him, exert her power. My guess is that she felt her power after Don found out she knew he cheated; whether or not they discussed it directly, he was probably very repentant and a little submissive. And the power shifted a little bit.
It reminds me of BTVS — about Spike being neutered and unable to play with the other puppies. I bet that's how Don feels some days and why he screws that skank — to be reminded he's still in one piece.
Last year he ate and drank that gawd-awful lunch with Roger and this year his wife is hiding the salt. He'll probably end up wishing he'd just told her ass the truth about the crash and kept the high blood pressure a secret. Women often become their mothers and Betty's father has high BP too, this cannot, will not, be good.
Seeing this post reminded me of a remarkably accurate comment TV Guide's Matt Roush made about Mad Men in his last column. Someone wrote in complaining that while they understand why the show has garnered praise, he/she can't get over it over all dullness. Roush them compared watching Mad Men as to reading great literature. Spot on. Not to say necessarily that it's Dostoyevsky or anything, but every episode carefully builds a distinct tone and mood, transporting you right along, and most often setting you down in a not-so-comfortable place, asking yourself not-so-settling questions about your own life.
And, as this post shows, just as in literature, we can find a point to expound, comparing character's motives and emotions and landscaping them onto our own lives.
I find it really intriguing that in a show completely overrun by the sexism of the times, the sacrifices you are going on about are the ones of the leading man. When I read your post title, I was sure it was about Peggy or Betty or Trudy.
The women are giving up way more, imho. Don still has the opportunity to be Dick when the mood strikes him. What options does Trudy have left to her besides becoming a mother? And Betty, while she has had plenty of opportunities to indulge her wild side (and plenty of provocation from Don’s behaviour), has shown herself to be incapable of followthrough. Is she morally incorruptible or just repressed? And Peggy’s had it scared right out of her. No sex for her anymore.
I see what you are saying about Don but the women interest me much more.
find it really intriguing that in a show completely overrun by the sexism of the times, the sacrifices you are going on about are the ones of the leading man.
On the political blogs I read, there was a lot of talk in the race between Clinton and Obama about how important it is to avoid “Oppression Olympics.†It is important to be able to talk about both sexism and racism without having one be bigger or more important or worse; which one “wins.†No one “wins†when it becomes a competition, and each individual experience has validity.
Oh, I agree, I was just expressing my surprise at the content vs my initial expectation of what the post would be about because of the title. As I said, I'm just personally more interested in the women at this point.
Also, Don's brushing off Peggy and giving her crap for being absent (to take care of his mistress!) in front of the other boys was just a new low and I'm totally over Don. There's another word for what you're describing in Don's personality: two-faced.
Also, Don’s brushing off Peggy and giving her crap for being absent (to take care of his mistress!) in front of the other boys was just a new low and I’m totally over Don. There’s another word for what you’re describing in Don’s personality: two-faced.
Two-faced was a very deliberate statement to Peggy about how strongly things can and do disappear. It was actually a continuing pact-sealing moment.
He didn't have to cut her down so publicly twice. He could have made the point without being so mean about it. It was right up there with something Pete would do, and for the same reason: insecurity. Which gets back to your original post, perhaps–he can't be Dick without being a dick.
"find it really intriguing that in a show completely overrun by the sexism of the times, the sacrifices you are going on about are the ones of the leading man."
I think we talk about and see more of the men because I think Weiner is a male and writes in his perspective. Plus, most of us watching are women, watching it from a woman's perspective. We can fill in the feelings that Peggy, Betty, etc. are feeling. Just look at the boards.
And, didn't Don NEED to act upset with Peggy in front of the others? His forgetting about the money is due to his survival technique of forgetting everything he doesn't want to remember.
**Two-faced was a very deliberate statement to Peggy about how strongly things can and do disappear. It was actually a continuing pact-sealing moment.**
Right. The best way to keep a secret is to act like the secret doesn't exist. Peggy wasn't prepared, the last time he made allowances for her it made the rumor mill speed up. He had to act like a boss disappointed in an employee, even to her, because the alternative makes them vulnerable.
There's also a part of him that had to remind her that she doesn't get to use the favor as leverage, just as he's never used his knowledge of her situation.
From Don's perspective, he NEEDS to pretend that Peggy was out sick. But he could just as easily soft-balled it by saying something like, "hope you're feeling better, Peggy." He didn't have to admonish her twice. Apparently, he can't lie without overkill. Like when he called Betty "histerical" while lying about the accident. It works very well, but Peggy is on HIS side, she just did him a huge favor so was it really necessary to cut her down?
**From Don’s perspective, he NEEDS to pretend that Peggy was out sick. But he could just as easily soft-balled it by saying something like, “hope you’re feeling better, Peggy.†He didn’t have to admonish her twice. Apparently, he can’t lie without overkill. Like when he called Betty “histerical†while lying about the accident. It works very well, but Peggy is on HIS side, she just did him a huge favor so was it really necessary to cut her down?**
Depends. Would Don have said to anybody else on his team, "Hope you're feeling better"? Doubtful. It harms Peggy more than helps her to treat her like a delicate flower, and when Peggy agreed to help him she opted to go along with the subterfuge, and with the knowledge that she didn't get to use this as a bargaining chip or remind him of it.
Also, Bobbie told her to be a woman, but that's not the way Peggy chooses to play, so she has to "take it like a man." To do less leads to rumors and loses her respect from the guys.
The one exchange last night that truly stood out for me (and I believe is the distillation of what many of these posts touch on) was between Bobbie and Peggy …
Bobbie: You have to start living the life of the person you want to be.
Peggy: Is that what you were doing?
Brilliantly played!
So may of the characters embody the former: Don, Bobbie, Joan, Pete. While the latter is an eloquent assessment of the price you pay for that path.
There are a few posts where the relationship between Bobbie and Don is referenced. In it’s own cliché way, “like begets likeâ€. Addictive personalities are known to kind of seek each other out, whether it’s conscious or unconscious.
Regarding an earlier post, “if she truly loves him she will get over it and understand.†What a romantic notion! And I feel terribly cynical and callus for not believing it. If Don truly loved her, then, would he stop cheating? Would he get over it and tell her the truth and accept the consequences. Sometimes enough is enough, no mater how you feel about the person. As Deborah Lipp said, there’s waaaaaay more to the “deal†Don and Betty made than we’ve been privy to.
Bowl cuts, unite!
Yeah, if Don was soft with Peggy it would just create more resentment in the guys. They already think of her as "teacher's pet."
Depends. Would Don have said to anybody else on his team, “Hope you’re feeling better� Doubtful. It harms Peggy more than helps her to treat her like a delicate flower, and when Peggy agreed to help him she opted to go along with the subterfuge, and with the knowledge that she didn’t get to use this as a bargaining chip or remind him of it.
I can see that, maybe. But it was still overkill. One comment would have done it. He said it twice, and that might make someone notice and wonder why he was being so hard on her. Could backfire.
I also wondered why Peggy wasn't prepared for the meeting. Couldn't she have written copy while she was home? She wasn't running errands and making lunch for Bobbi 24/7.
I think it's complex, Karen B. One of the reasons he reprimanded her might be a genuine questioning of her unpreparedness, because — as you point out — she very well might have been able to get it done.
Don, along with pretending the events didn't happen, is also putting it out there that her favor does not give her a free pass to not do her job. If she does that, then she is not doing the necessary forgetting, but rather calling in chips.
Chips that she's not owed, hence the flashbacks. I believe Peggy knows that she was repaying a favor, not earning points. I think that when she called him Don she might have been saying, "we're even." Not that she won't continue to be loyal, but that she doesn't have to live each day knowing she has this enormous indebtedness to Don.
I agree Darkly.
Also, couldn't it be that Don said it twice: once for the guys (and office politics) and once for Peggy (and their personal pact). His way of telling her that there is no benefit in bringing this up again.
And I also wondered why she didn't work on her assignment at home. Maybe she had all her things at work? Doubt it though, since it's Peggy. lol
I totally get what you are all saying about the incident and how it plays into Don's denial survival strategy, but still and all, it's a crappy thing to do and that's all I was saying. I love the character as a character, but he's not a nice guy, at least IMHO.
The thing about this show is, no one is really a nice guy. I think I tune in to see who is going to sink lower this week. It's like a whole cast full of Gaius Baltars.
I agree that he's not always a nice guy, but I understand this particular choice. He was quite nice to Peggy in the hospital though, certainly didn't have to allow her to keep her job, when apparently she'd been missing for a month.
The most cynical interpretation would be he was remembering Cooper's comment on never knowing where loyalty will be born, but I think that there is a core of gentlemanliness and that a young mother in need is going to compel him.
Of course, sometimes he gives in to his demons.
I know what you mean Karen and I do agree niceness wouldn't kill him. But actually, not even the women are very nice. Everyone has issues with being compassionate.
I thought Don's comment to Peggy was unnecessary. He knew exactly why she was unprepared: she was babysitting his problem. I also thought it was intersting that for a second time, he did n't have enough cash to pay a debt. The first time, I could understand — he probably paid for drinks and food at Sardi's, and then for the booze — but the second time, he should have had more than $60 in his wallet. This was an era when credit cards were not yet widely used, and men traditionally carried wadss of cash.
Perhaps Don's cash-poor ways stem from the Don Whitman days?
" Okay, so we all know Don is a saboteur. The question is when and where will it all self-implode……."
i feel like he's really going downhill now. I feel like he has no real interest in this Bobbie, he just knows she's no good. Its like he's supposed to be on a diet, and she's a big krispy kreme. Tasty but immediately regrettable. Its almost like he's bored, but more self-destructive. He and Betty could have a lot more in common than i originally thought.
oh, and:
"“where the hell were you?â€
That Betty's such a hot mess this season!
I still like Don though, I never expect him to be anything more than what he is
There's nothing hotter than Don Draper in "bad boy" mode–for me! I do wonder why this man never has a good bankroll on his person! SAB must have the man on an allowance!
Agree with you, Saber, that most of the characters are not very nice!
The most cynical interpretation would be he was remembering Cooper’s comment on never knowing where loyalty will be born, but I think that there is a core of gentlemanliness and that a young mother in need is going to compel him.
Color me cynical then because Cooper's comment was the first thing I thought of!
As to Don's gentlemanliness, is it really his "core" or is it part of his made-up, trying-to-be-good Don persona? The thing about a character like Don is that what we consider his "core," or what part is Dick and what part is Don, tells more about us than him.
First time poster, long time lurker. This episode felt like an expansion for Pete and Peggy, to show their back story a bit more and to set up the coming ones.
@saber, I think it's interesting that half way through the episode last night, a thought popped into my head – this episode must be written by a female writer. I'm a straight dude so it's kind of a weird observation, I admit.
I forgot at which point exactly it came to me – it probably first flashed when Don and Bobbie had the crash and it became much more pronounced when Bobbie roomed with Peggy for a few days. The unexpected accident, the female camaraderie and the challenges that Peggy faced were things that give me that feeling.
The Pete-Trudy scene after the doctor's also tipped me off. Pete seems elated that the problem is not on him and were not concerned with how his wife is feeling.
I think the overall emphasis on "sentiments" and "feeling" is why I assumed that it not written by a man. Then I checked Wikipedia my hunch was confirmed.
Anyway, I don't think what Don did was necessarily nice but it was a way of him challenging Peggy. Essentially, he's saying "you wanna play with the big boys, man up."
Most of the guys at Sterling has a family (plus something on the side) to take care of. What Peggy did for Don was nice (just like when Don was there for Peggy) but it should not interfere with business. Peggy understood this. She knew she had to step up to the challenge, hence she said "Don" instead of "Mr. Draper" at the end of that exchange – feeling confident that she can be par with everyone else.
**As to Don’s gentlemanliness, is it really his “core†or is it part of his made-up, trying-to-be-good Don persona? The thing about a character like Don is that what we consider his “core,†or what part is Dick and what part is Don, tells more about us than him.**
He didn't have to reprimand the jerks in the elevator, but seemed legitimately offended that they were talking that way around the woman.
Don definately does rotten things. Cheating on his wife is not rotten, but gentlemen used to do it all the time. Also, I think he has compulsions.
#36 Re the elevator jerks, is that his "core" personality, or the fact that he was trying to be "good?" Sometimes when we are on the wagon, we are hypersensitive and get self righteous about other people who are freer or more cavalier in their behavior. I thought it was one of those scenes meant to establish that S2 would be about a different Don Draper. I'm not sure whether S1 Don would have done that.
Cheating on his wife is not rotten? um…okay….I agree he has compulsions.
Let's go back to Psych 101. Freud's theory of Id, Ego and Super Ego.
Dick is the Id (wants whatever feels good at the time, with no consideration for the reality of the situation.)
Don is the Super Ego (which is the moral part of us.)
The Ego- center of it all (understands that other people have needs and desires and that sometimes being impulsive or selfish can hurt us in the long run. Its the ego's job to meet the needs of the id, while taking into consideration the reality of the situation.)
If Dick (the Id) gets too strong, impulses and self gratification will take over the his life. If Don (superego) becomes too strong, the person would be driven by rigid morals, would be judgmental and unbending in his or her interactions with the world.
Don't even get me started on Don's Oedipal issues.
Freud believed that the majority of what we experience in our lives, the underlying emotions, beliefs, feelings, and impulses are not available to us at a conscious level.
Don and a lot of these characters seem to be going through some sort of unconscious seeking.
Trudy seeks a baby, but maybe subconsciously she is seeking more purpose to her mundane life.
Don follows his Dick (id) and subconsciously he seek what he had with Rachel and cannot get with his wife.
Ken, well he's "Ken" Not much depth there yet.
None of these characters are totally this or that.
Bobbie is bitchy, but she was very kind to Peggy.
Pete is displayed as a jerk, but (thinking here) But until Duck got a hold of him, he was very torn up about his dad. Also he does see something in Peggy no one else does. He does have feelings for her (Matt said so) just is not used to having them and doesn't handle them well.
Ken seems superficial. But he does love his heavyset mom.
That is why I love these characters. Matt had fleshed them out so well.
I don't see him as having been cruel to Peggy at all. He was harsh, and very Captain of the Creative Ship, but he wasn't singling her out, and by indicating his own arm, he was saying that they all were held to the same standards. I think it foreshadowed her calling him "Don." He was ready. He was also totally treating her like one of the guys, which hearkens back to the Bobbie conversation.
The best thing about these characters is how nuanced they are. But sometimes I ask myself, if I ran across someone like Don IRL, would I like him and the answer is decidedly no. Much of Don's behavior is reprehensible, yet we root for him. Same is true for pretty much all the characters, to some degree. This is the beauty of the show.
No, cheating on his wife is totally rotten — as is my editing skills while at work. And at home. Okay, everywhere.
CW….I think I know what you mean about a different tone when it comes to certain writers and whether or not it came from a female POV. Trying not to generalize too much, but some male writers create female characters that are very static. Robin Veith, who wrote "The New Girl," came in and fleshed out Mrs. Unfunny Comic and humanized her for many viewers. Just like I can tell when a woman directs. JMO, it took Lesli Linka Glatter, the director for "The Benefactor," to give Don back his swagger. Every female I've chatted with was damn happy Don Draper became sexual again, even if it meant he cheated on SAB! None enjoyed Don being nagged and emasculated!
YMMV….8)
People need bad boys (and girls) in their fiction. As moral as we might be in real life, we want to watch and read people acting out.
I wrote about Don because I come from an abusive background and right now I relate to that aspect of his life. This is not to say that the women haven't made huge sacrifices too. But throwing over your identity in order to find love and thus not knowing who you really are? Seems like a huge thing to give up. To me, anyway, having done the same thing for, oh, most of my adult life. You do wake up one day, Karen, and think: What the hell have I done and for what?
And you do this whether you're male or female. I happen to be female, btw.
So, anyway, I hope that gives you all a little understanding into why I was "going on and on about him." I just plain know what it's like to have a past that you really want to run away from and how damn difficult it is.
It was a great post, Marly, and karen and you have the right to have different interests.
CW, welcome.
Add me to those who thought that Don's treatment of Peggy was very much the two of them acting out the roles they had to, to reassure both of them that the secrets between them stay secret. I think Peggy understood that. I've been trying to remember what she said to him in the car, right before "this can be fixed," something about "I have to know that you trust me." What was it? (Sorry, I have no Tivo or DVR, and my faithful ol' VCR gave up the ghost recently.
)
Thanks Marly for your sharing.
Marly, thank you for sharing your story.
And one of the amazing things about BoK is that folks can agree or agree to disagree! It's all good!
I do like this blog. People can disagree or just discuss things respectfully. Yay, us.
Next time I participate I might use an alias but I'll let you know it's me. I want to think up something cool.
@ Ellelque #50
“You’ll have to believe that I will forget this. I don’t want you treating me badly because I remind you of it. This can be fixed.â€
Thank you! Very interesting, as it relates to both the hospital flashback and the later office scene.
Maybe Matt should have titled this episode, "This can be fixed." It would have been easier to understand than the cryptic "New Girl"
Did anyone else see the video of Matt explaining this episode? He insinuated that the reason that Don went with Bobbie to Stoneybrook was he was upset about Rachel.
Of course, sometimes he gives in to his demons.
Ooh! Ooh! New thought!
He might have taken an extra swipe at Peggy because he's angry that she saw him at his worst. He's only used to being seen behaving badly by participants in the behavior… and let's face it, this went lower than his norm.
Fair? Of course not. He called her, and after all, he's also seen her at her worst. But if I'm right, it's not exactly conscious on his part…
And CW, welcome. We love straight men.
Robin Veith was Weiner's writing assistant through much of last season, and she got made a writer. This may (I don't feel like checking) be her first writing credit as a solo act. Robin brought the story of her mother shooting pigeons to the table, which Weiner evolved into Shoot.
“You’ll have to believe that I will forget this. I don’t want you treating me badly because I remind you of it. This can be fixed.”
I use CC
Ellelque, I haven't seen Weiner discuss this episode, but I definitely thought that this bit of acting out with Bobbie, getting really drunk–"I don't feel anything"–and getting into an accident had everything to do with Don's being upset about Rachel.
I don't think Don likes Bobbie, or is even particularly attracted to her, and I agree that his dalliances with her are self-destructive, but I like Bobbie a lot more after her scenes with Peggy. That really humanized her for me, softened some of her crass edges.
Marly, I think your post is awesome. I don't think that Don is being Don when he's being "good" (i.e. living up to some ideal that isn't him) and is being Dick when he's being "bad" (i.e. being his "real" self)–or that, like Ellelque suggests, Dick is the id and Don is the super-ego. "Dick=bad Don and Don=good Don" seems like an oversimplification to me. But then I wondered if I was oversimplifying what you wrote.
I'm inclined to think that Dick has become the repository, if you will, for Don's shadow. Dick isn't "the real Don," whoever that is; rather, Dick is Don's shadow, his dark side. Don has subconsciously assigned all the "bad" behavior to Dick, and Dick is thus the shadow-side who acts out. When is Don more himself, more authentic? When he's having affairs or when he's defending a lady's honor in an elevator? Arguably in neither case. When is Don most authentic? When he's with Rachel, for one thing. Maybe when he's looking out for Peggy, or being honest with little Bobby. (Here I must pause to gush over Jon Hamm's amazing, amazing performance. Gush.)
I agree that Don is a highly fragmented person, and that those pieces have to fly apart before he can become an integrated person. Again, I think of Weiner's comment–I think it was his–from the NYT Magazine story that Don might end up at Esalen in the 1970s.
Hi all,
Blogging at last after a long week of medical … stuff.
What I thought for the first time, two weeks ago — and what hit me again tis week — is exactly how much pressure is on these men (perhaps I mean, this particular man?) that modern men do not currently have to face.
In today's world, where the two-income family is the default, there is no threshold of manhood. There are multiple thresholds to womanhood: multiple places where we can know within ourselves that we have made it or are still waiting to make it. For men: not so much. With the double advent of the all-volunteer army and the two-income family, men have sort of become … I don't know. Tire-changers?
But were the 60's the good old days? Look at Don: childhood abuse survivor, war veteran, and STILL fighting for every last step up that corporate ladder. All the pressure is on him, everywhere. Now he's sleeping with the wife of a client — not because he likes her, but just to keep the damn peace. He's a snow leopard: he is working all. The. Time!
And Betty has no idea. She's gonna take away the man's salt, now? One more tiny window closes in Don's puny citadel of happiness. That scene made me feel like crying — and not just because meatloaf-with-ketchup was what my own annoyed mother used to make for us, when I was a kid.
Poor Don. This is all I kept thinking. Also: you had to be a real man to sit and eat a hearts-of-palm salad without letting your fake girlfriend see that your real girlfriend and her new husband had shattered your heart into a billion pieces and scattered it around the restaurant. Don's a real man.
Finally: my favorite line of the episode was Peggy saying to Don, "This can be fixed."
"This can be fixed." This, from someone who knows all about the things that can't. My God, she's a woman of the future, isn't she?
Thanks to people who think like that, procedures like the one I had on Monday morning (laparascopic supracervical hysterectomy, or partial hysterectomy — ending 20 years of reproductive torment for me) are possible for women like me.
I love, love, LOVE the modern world.
Anne….Wishing you a full and speedy recovery!!
Thanks, Kay. I'm well on my way … this blog is terrific medicine!
and not just because meatloaf-with-ketchup was what my own annoyed mother used to make for us, when I was a kid.
My son saw the meatloaf and pointed out it was a "real meal." Not grilled cheese. Not something Carla whipped up. Which is perhaps why I think there's real affection in it.
Anne, I too wish you a speedy recovery. I had an ablation two years ago and it ended 35 years of torment. I do love modern medicine.
Inanna: I think you bring up some excellent points. When I wrote about Don being authentic, I didn't mean to imply that his Don persona was not the real him. After all, he was the one who worked his way up the ladder; undoubtedly, the aspects of Don that make him Don were already part of Dick Whitman. (Are you confused yet?) The thing is, I get the feeling that on some level, Don doesn't know this. And so he's ultra-guarded and being in a constant state of guardedness is apt to make one less authentic since one's emotions and reactions are less organic.
And that constant state of watchfulness might be a reenactment of the state of high anxiety that abused kids live in. He walks on eggshells all the time, worrying about what he says, how he comes off, etc. And living like that can finally be so unbearable that he self-sabotages, in the fashion of those who after a while figure, "Hey, what's the use, I'm going to be punished anyway and I can't do anything right so I might as well do what I want!!" The self-sabotage, in turn, leads to trouble which leads to others getting angry, which leads to him feeling horribly guilty and thus feeling bad, etc. This is what I mean about Don sacrificing his real self; as you astutely pointed out, the fragmentation of his identity. The problem is that people with a history of abuse often think in black and white which might lead someone like Don to think of his own self as Bad Dick and Good Don. (Not that I have any clues as to that AT ALL, obviously, since it's not in any of the scripts.) The point being, that Don FEELS like a fake and is always worried about being found out. And for someone who is, at heart, a pretty moral human being, that's a helluva deal to make in order to leave your past behind. Ya know?
As an aside, I have a good friend who also came from an abusive childhood and she told me that for years, she hated it when the phone rang because she thought it was someone calling to tell her she'd been bad. And this is one of the sweetest people I've ever met! I kept thinking about that when I wrote that post because I think that this is what Don is living with. I mean, Don is reduced to feeling utterly powerless when a squirt like Pete threatens to tell on him. When you don't live authentically, anyone can manipulate you emotionally.
Also, Anne: Get well soon and a speedy recovery!
I haven’t seen Weiner discuss this episode, but I definitely thought that this bit of acting out with Bobbie, getting really drunk–â€I don’t feel anythingâ€â€“and getting into an accident had everything to do with Don’s being upset about Rachel.
I think seeing Rachel was the final straw. There’s been a lot of Don not feeling, and of Don not wanting to feel, going on.
Also, after each episode is aired, I run straight to the AMC website to see the “Inside Mad Men†for that episode. Weiner always shines a bright light.
I’m inclined to think that Dick has become the repository, if you will, for Don’s shadow. Dick isn’t “the real Don,†whoever that is; rather, Dick is Don’s shadow, his dark side. Don has subconsciously assigned all the “bad†behavior to Dick, and Dick is thus the shadow-side who acts out. When is Don more himself, more authentic?
Reminds me of the Buffy with the Xander split. All your best traits in one part; all your worst in the other. Don doesn't think he needs to learn to integrate (like the rest of us do) because he is afraid to contaminate Don Draper.
Anne B, heal well; we’re happy to be your medicine!
The aspects of Don that make him Don were already part of Dick Whitman. The thing is, I get the feeling that on some level, Don doesn’t know this. And so he’s ultra-guarded and being in a constant state of guardedness is apt to make one less authentic since one’s emotions and reactions are less organic.
And that constant state of watchfulness might be a reenactment of the state of high anxiety that abused kids live in.
I think this is analysis is really insightful. I'm curious whether (or how) Weiner and/or Hamm take into account Don's abusive childhood when thinking about characterization. I mean, it's a pretty sophisticated show when this level of analysis is possible. (But this whole blog shows that, doesn't it?)
I just finished a book, Widdershins by Charles DeLint, where the adult protagonist is a childhood abuse survivor. As a child, in order to cope, she attributed all her "bad behavior" and the attendant "punishment" to a character in one of her storybooks. The abuse was happening not to her, but to that girl. That was how she disassociated enough to survive. As an adult, she learns that there is an Otherworld or dreamspace in which that little girl from the book is real, with those things really happening to her, continually. The adult has to act to save the little girl and thereby free herself from harms done to her in the past. The book is ultimately about healing all the parts of ourselves. It's a harrowing and incredibly powerful read.
crazy for b of kisses. pretty wild for MM.
beggin' the writers to keep us loving Don & the gang thru all their bad behavior ~ not let 'em slide into caricatures. Let us like, disagree,
laugh, cry… about each of them while they smoothly capture our heart.
Sometimes i find nothing interesting about one of the gals or guys which
ain't good for such a stupendous cast & show.
please writers: put something laudable within each of them:
Don showing genuine tenderness toward Betty or Peggy exhibiting
love toward someone (like her mom or a friend), give her more heart.
Make us fall in love with all these folks over and over again.
thank you for listening.